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Behaviour/development

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Biting A LOT!

14 replies

givemecaffeine21 · 25/06/2014 14:48

Help! My almost two year old won't stop biting her one year old brother. It's getting ridiculous. The other day he had four bites. The week before two huge bruises on his arm from bites. She bites him at least once a day. It's a jealousy thing it seems but she has also bitten her 3 year old cousin, she pulls her cousin's hair, and she has pushed her brother over numerous, numerous times. She does it quickly and I don't have a chance to intervene; she's also intelligent enough to wait until I'm not paying full attention, cooking dinner, getting ready to go out etc. Every time I turn my back she's bullying him. I'm literally resorting to separating them when I need to be doing something.

She's so flipping aggressive at the moment, I'm finding it very hard to like her! She's taken to hitting to - pretty much anyone. Sometimes it's just over-excitement but when I catch her doing it to DS she has a really mean look on her face. She is very clingy lately too and gets whiny and demanding if I talk to anyone else; today for example I walked part way to playgroup with another mum and chatted to her and she was really whiny and trying to get my attention with 'mummmmy, mummy, mummy, mummy!'.

Any advice? Time out, firm no's, praise for being kind, showing her how to be gentle etc just don't work. Today I've pushed her own arm against her teeth in the hope that this demonstrates the pain she is causing. I just don't know what will stop her. She's in general being wilfully naughty lately anyway, continually doing things she knows aren't ok. She's two next month so I guess we're hitting 'that phase'.....

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Lottapianos · 25/06/2014 14:53

She's too young to know that she's actually hurting the other child. It sounds like she's using it as a way to get your attention. Praise for good behaviour is a good thing to do, let her get your attention for behaving well and you should see more of that.

If she bites another child, give all your attention to the bitten child and ignore her completely for a few minutes - no shouting, no telling off, no time out. Just ignore, but make a huge fuss of the child who was bitten. This will teach her that biting is not the way to get an adult's attention. Ditto hitting out.

givemecaffeine21 · 25/06/2014 14:56

Maybe a reward chart would work??

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LisaMWill · 25/06/2014 16:17

I could have written your post my almost 2 year old bites others but she does it out of frustration if she can't get something she wants off another child. It's been going on for months she stops for a bit and u think the phase has stopped but then she'll start off again. I just don't know what to do. I remove her from the situation explain to her biting hurts but she doesn't seem to care and just hits me then!

Lottapianos · 25/06/2014 16:19

Same advice to you Lisa, she's just too young to understand that her actions hurt other people and much too young to understand an explanation about it. Remove her from the situation so she cant' go on hurting others but avoid giving her attention by telling her off.

LisaMWill · 25/06/2014 16:23

I'll try that, it's just so embarrassing to see her biting others and I keep telling myself she'll grow out of it but it's yet to happen. Never had this problem with her sister!

givemecaffeine21 · 25/06/2014 17:21

She's just bitten him again. Honestly. It makes me so cross but am doing as advised and ignoring her and giving DS all the attention. She did it this time because DH stopped playing with her to sort out dinner whilst I tidy up so seeing her tantrum wasn't working she bit DS Angry

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Lottapianos · 25/06/2014 18:29

I understand why it makes you angry but honestly, staying calm is the way forward. Does it help to think that she's not doing it to be hurtful at all, its just become a great way to get adult attention? And obviously you and DH have to respond in exactly the same way so that she gets consistent responses

givemecaffeine21 · 25/06/2014 19:22

Agreed. Thank you lottapianos you've been very helpful! Every day is a battle right now in terms of her behaviour and I'm finding it exhausting.

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LittlePink · 25/06/2014 19:58

Ive just written a post about hitting. My LO has just turned 2 and she is so aggressive at the moment. She bites DH but hits me. We both do the same thing and give a firm no then pick her up and put her in the corner, tell her "im putting you here because you hit/bit me" then walk away and ignore her. TBH, it doesn't make any difference what we do, shes forgotten in 2 minutes once shes over the tears and the sorrys and it all happens again. Im sick to death of being beaten up! I spoke to the HV about it and she said its all normal blah blah and told me to do the above discipline but nothing works. Guess its just a phase we need to ride through until they grow out of it. I guess as adults we can handle it but I feel for your 1 yr old and the other kids as they wont understand whats going on. Sorry I don't have any ground breaking advice for you.

Lottapianos · 25/06/2014 20:56

Glad I've been helpful - good luck with it and do try to stay calm (not easy!)

Jaffakake · 25/06/2014 21:28

I think there's something in the water at the moment, my ds is hitting, biting, scratching, hair pulling etc. he's 2.10. We're doing all the necessary discipline & it's not sinking in yet either. Although a kid at nursery hurt him today, so maybe it'll sink in a bit more now.
I'm hoping it's just a phase & in a few weeks my angel will return.

givemecaffeine21 · 26/06/2014 09:26

As you say Little Pink, I can handle it directed at us and other adults in the family, but DS just adores her and it's really upsetting to see her lashing out at him. I know in a year's time he'll probably be entering the same phase, but it's still tough. When she bites my niece who is 3 and pulls her hair I secretly hope she'll do it back, but she hasn't as yet...although I'm assured she used to bite her big sister at one point and maybe once DD has all her teeth (back molars to come) it will stop. Here's hoping, although it doesn't explain the hitting and hair pulling!

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givemecaffeine21 · 26/06/2014 09:34

Have just put up a 'Kindness Chart' and she's had her first sticker for sharing with DS....

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Gemma77 · 28/06/2014 18:52

Just wanted to say that I sympathise! My son was a terrible biter.... he used to bite at least one child every day at nursery. In the end I used to hide in the car until all the other parents had collected their children because I was so ashamed Sad

We tried everything possible reward charts, punishments (time out, loss of treats), biting back (it doesn't work!) and reading children's books about not biting.

To be honest, nothing worked as he was biting impulsively. Thankfully he simply grew out of it.

I know it's hard but I promise that as your little one gets older they will develop more self control and the biting will stop Smile

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