3 year old gets overexcited with his friends

[mipmop]

My just-3yo is cared for by me at home and sees other children most days. If it's children he doesn't know particularly well (e.g. at the park) he'll want to play with them and will play nicely. At classes/weekly activities again generally they'll all run around together and it's fine. However if he sees one of his friends that he's known a year or so, he can play nicely for a bit but will get overexcited, particularly if we're in a house as opposed to a park or other large space. As an example, at home he'll run around shouting, upend toy boxes and empty all the contents on the floor, and throw toys (in an excited rather than aggressive way, but still...)

A few of his friends are the quiet type who don't run around at all, making his behaviour seem all the more unusual, and sometimes too much for them. When I say "his friends", they're the children of mums I get along with, but my son asks when we're next seeing them etc, he does like them.

Also he's due to start nursery school after the summer and I wonder how he'll cope in a room of 40 children.

Anyone else? It seems obvious that I need to either stop him becoming overexcited, or calm him down quickly, but how?

There could be a number of reasons for his actions.
He's a boisterous full of energy boy. He maybe a child who wakes up running and goes to bed running.

He could be being assertive and showing who is boss.

He could be showing off or he could be shy and over compensating.

My boy was the rough and tumble type and wanted to climb, wrestle and run around with his friends.

Don't worry they are all different and yours is just energetic by the sounds of it.

I sometimes take my 2year old away from the scene and put her in her cot for an hour or so to get away from it and have some calm time. Or make sure she has eaten and has had no real activity prior to to the occasion.

With the shouting if it's indoors, you can say it's not allowed. I say to my daughter there's no shouting in the house or use a tactic The children on the bus go 'sh sh sh'

I think he does need to understand that upending toy boxes and throwing toys is not allowed. I would have taken my children home if they had done that. You might find the invitations dry up. As for a Nursery, I would be surprised if they will be happy with him scattering toys and throwing them! Maybe you could get him to put all the toys away after his rampage ! Do you really want an assertive 3 year old showing everyone who is the boss? I am sorry, but I don't think putting up with this is the right way to go. My children had lots of energy, but it didn't result in throwing things. What happens if a thrown toy hits another child? Definitely no more friends then.

CharlotteAmanda
Yes he has bags of energy and when outdoors he will run around indefinitely. I think that when his friends are at our house he is excited / overstimulated with a bit of shy/showing off his toys. It's definitely not aggressive.

MillyMolly

I'm surprised what you wrote, if I was "happy putting up with it" then why did I start the thread? I think you've misread the thread, I said he upends toys in his own house, not when we're out, so advising me to take him home when he does that isn't appropriate. And comments about him being assertive / showing everyone who's boss and having no more friends are unhelpful and inappropriate.

That sounds a little like my daughter. She gets very over-excited and over-stimulated sometimes when she is around other kids!
I think in a way it's a nice sign that your son is affectionate (gets excited about playing with others) and also has lots of energy.
Maybe what you could do is take him aside when you notice him starting to get over-excited (unless it's in a context where it's ok) and just say, "I'm glad you're having a good time, but let's calm down just a little. We don't want to throw things and hurt anyone..."etc. Not a time out as a punishment, but more just trying to nip it in the bud before it gets a little crazy. Just encouraging him to take a moment to calm down a little. If he does something that's not right, like throw a toy that could end up hurting someone you could also take him to the side and tell him him off and just make it a very firm rule that he never ever throws toys (unless of course it's a ball or something).
I think it's important to distinguish between what is excitement and what could be harmful to others (toy hurting them) and try and discipline him not to do any harmful behaviour because like you say, that wouldn't be great in a nursery context.
I do think energetic children can get a little crazier when indoors as opposed to outdoors.
I wouldn't worry about it too much but maybe just praise him when he plays energetically but calmly, like if he is getting excited but also behaving well. And just talk to him a lot about no throwing, playing nicely etc.

I just found some Mums with boys (especially) seemed to accept that playing "energetically", rampaging about and throwing things was normal behaviour! It was never stopped and not a moments thought was given to the fact that it might hurt other children, although I can see you want to do something about it. A toy that hits someone still hurts them and they won't care if it is done in excitement or is aggressive. You just excuse the behaviour by saying it is not aggressive. It is still unacceptable, isn't it? Many children won't want to play with a child upending his toys, even in his own house. I did read your post incorrectly though. My DD1 was invited to play with a boisterous boy who threw his toys our of the bedroom window. He thought it was funny but my DD was aghast. Am sorry you thought I was harsh but this boy never made friends.

op I understand milly - my dn is the same. He is nearly four now and has continued this on.

His cousin who is the same age is terrified of him. You need to start putting in boundaries and letting him know it's not acceptable. My SIL doesn't get invited to other people homes with him any more as his nick name is wreck it Ralph

SIL actually finds that funny.

This isn't unusual at all. Make sure you are very calm when telling him or the others to rein it in. Take away the toys that are the focus of it if needsbe and give them something else. Say in a level voice that if there is more throwing then playtime will have to stop or toys will go away for X minutes. Set the tone IYSWIM.

Don't worry about nursery. They will have seen this before and be able to handle it, and they will certainly get him putting toys away. On a pedantic note, there won't be 40 kids in the room anyway, I'd hope! When my DS was 3 there were about 12/15 in his room - can't remember what OFSTED say but I'm sure it's less than 40

OP - don't worry. Mine was exactly the same and he's completely grown out of it now he's four. He just got so excited with friends around that his little mind seemed to short-circuit and he'd just rush around and occasionally chuck something. Of course, it's essential to ensure your little guests are safe and not upset, so I just used to remove DS calmly (any shouting or overt telling off just fanned the flames - he was supercharged and adding to the stress was counter-productive) and kept him away from the others until he calmed down. I had to repeat this as often as necessary, which was a bit of a bugger as my tea often went cold and I didn't get to chat with parent friends, but it did work.

We're not talking about naughtiness here, right? Just over-excitement.

My DS started pre-school just after he was three and thrived. He's in a busy FSU and is perfectly calm and happy.

Your DS is still ever so little and he's just learning to deal with his emotions. Sure, he needs a helping hand to understand that others don't like some of his behaviour but just pull him out of the situation to calm down. No one learns anything when they're hyper.