Don't know what's 'normal' & how best to discipline

[rainbowfeet]

I'm a lone parent with a ds who's almost 2 & half.. I just feel like I'm failing him & finding him very difficult. Friends say he is lovely & on the whole well behaved which I admit he mostly is when out but at home I'm often at my wits end.
Is this normal? I'm scared that he has a behaviour problem or that it's me making him like it..

He is loud & very lively, he doesn't seem to respond to me telling him to stop doing something until I'm standing over him shouting. If he does something naughty & I punish him with the naughty step he will do it again that same day or the next. He will go on & on about wanting something until I could literally scream. If I insist on saying no he will have a tantrum which also drives me to my wits end.

Oh God reading all that back.. It's not him is it, it's me I'm just miserable & got no patients!!

He is bright & got a fab vocabulary but the naughty step doesn't work he will do something naughty & take himself off there!! Any other discipline tips welcome, I also will make him clear away his toys & have a quiet time if he's naughty.

I want to be a happier better parent to him but I don't get any joy from life right now last weekend was horrible I just cried all day Saturday wishing I could run away

You're not alone, trust me! We all feel like this and feel that we're the worst parent in the world and have no control over our children and feel like we're failing them. But the very fact that you've identified a need in yourself to change and try a new approach is a step in the right direction.

My hubby thinks we have the worst behaved children in the world because he has nothing to compare them to. I grew up experiencing nieces and nephews as babies/toddlers so had SOME idea as to what to expect.

Your little boy sounds like a normal little boy, but like I said above, you just need some guidance as to understanding his actions and your RE-actions to them.

I've just finished reading this book and honestly, it was such an eye opener. I can't recommend it enough.

www.amazon.co.uk/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Connecting/dp/0399160280/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403598264&sr=8-1&keywords=stop+yelling+start+connecting

I don't know if the link will work, so the book is called "peaceful parents, happy kids: how to stop yelling and start connecting". It really is full of useful advice and helps you see life through the eyes of a toddler.

Hope it helps x

Thank you I will check that book out

I don't get any time on my own unless he is asleep!

Yes my mood is generally low.. I just feel ravaged basically!! I was 38 when he was born & I feel like he's aged me & taken away my sparkle!! I have comfort eaten my way to adding an extra couple of stone & all I can see right now is years of loneliness & tiredness in front of me.. Don't want to resent ds for it.. He never asked to be born

He's a normal toddler, and you're doing a great job! It's important to get some time to yourself but that's easier said than done isn't it?

Do you have a routine to your week/days? I.e. Toddler group in the morning, lunch, then a nap, then the park? It'd probably help you both.

I promise that one day you will remember this age fondly (you'll forget the anger and stress).

When is he three? From three, he will be able to have 15 free hours at a preschool (or two if you are on a low income), that could be great for him (loads more stimulation) and would also give you a little break.

My DC3 is 2.5. When the older ones were her age, I was using (and being frustrated by) the naughty step and panicking that my toddlers were dreadful. This time round, with older children around, I have realised that my expectations were too high. With DC3, I tell her no when she's doing something wrong but then use distraction rather than punishment. I've become a big believer in natural consequences!

You are not alone and not the only one feeling like this. I have problems connecting to my 2 year old and once I admitted this I felt much better. What helped me was to break dine how I felt and once I acknowledged how I felt my daughter was more co-operative. Our children reflect how we feel and it's okay to feel low, you can tell your son that mummy feels sad sometimes. Also appreciate what you do have... Your son, clothes, food etc. may help you put things into perspective. You are not alone and you are doing a great job x

Thank you all for your replies.. I have booked him into Pre-school from September for a couple of sessions a week

I think my expectations are way too high & on reflection he really is quite a well behaved boy. (Just knows how to push my buttons)!! Now I'm going to sound all braggy but I must get several compliments a week on how bright he is, his vocabulary & how polite he is. I just need slow down & not get stressed so quickly!

Just wanted to agree he sounds normal and like he is very clever (they will always play you up behind closed doors). But the calmer you are with them the calmer they will be. I find I get more wound up that he does but if im strict but very calm it has a better effect. If hes taking himself to the naughty step let him go and praise him for knowing when he does wrong (at the end of the time on the step). Hope this helps. Time on your own will def help!