I'm at my wits end - any advice appreciated (also posted in parenting)

[Jemster]

I have a dd who is 2 and ds who is 6. DD is utterly exhausting, she demands attention constantly and if she doesn't get she whines at the top of her voice!
As a result DS is getting very little attention and I hate to say it spends far too much time playing games on the ipad or watching tv. It's not how I want it to be at all but I'm either trying to pacify dd, tend to her demands or make tea, tidy up, do washing etc.
They are also arguing all the time. If one has something the other wants it, dd shouts at ds and ds winds her up!! They have different needs as there is a 4 year gap between them so I'm finding it impossible to find things to do they are both happy with.

I work five days a week until 1.00pm so try and cram all the house stuff in to the afternoons which I feel so bad about as I don't feel I actually give them any really nice quality time.

To be honest I'm at my wits end with it all. I'm permanently stressed, dashing from one place to another and my heart often races.
I went part time so I could be with my dc in the aftenoons, pick up from school etc but often I think why do I bother, it's hellish and everyone seems miserable!

Please can anyone help or suggest something to improve things?

I think you need to stop doing housework in the afternoons. You have a toddler and a small boy...houses never look decent with those in residence!

It's fairer and easier to do it when they're in bed.

It's the housework that jumps out at me too.

I know my 2yo can be exhausting and demanding attention if she doesn't get any, so I try to give her some really decent attention like read some books, play some games, and then she'll amuse herself a bit while I do something else. However in your case the 'something else' sounds like it needs to be your DS? But DD really knows if I'm stressed and busy and she seems to pick up the mood from me and need more attention.

Can you work out what house stuff you are doing in the afternoon, and what you can either drop for later or for your OH to do, so that your afternoon is 90% for the children? Or if there is housework, it's at least stuff you can do with your DC as a game?

Would it be possible to change your hours so your DS gets some undivided attention?
Do house at weekend?
Get kids to help with tidying/making tea?
Nominate days for each of them to choose what to do/play after school?

Good luck - it is tough after school when they're tired.

So she is at school? Can you get her into any clubs or hobbies that will distract her? Can she help out with her little brother too?

Its important to have 1-2-1 time with each of them, and try to ignore her demanding behaviour, or it will ramp up as she gets older.

See what housework things really really can slip. Will anyone die if you don't iron everything? The floor doesn't need hovering/cleaning every day, etc.

Nice the dd is only 2...it's the DS who's in school.

Yes that's right ds is at school and dd is a full on 2 yr old! Thanks for all your suggestions. I'm not even trying to do major housework in the afternoons, just simple routine jobs like loading dishwasher, hanging out washing and making tea. Dd just won't be alone for more than 2 minutes and I find it hard to even get them a decent tea without her yelling at me to come and be with her.
I have arthritis which can make me in pain if I do too much so I have to be careful. It also makes me tired due to the drugs I'm on so I find it hard getting much done in the evenings.
There just never seems to be enough time to do everything and keep up with it all.
This afternoon I suggested to ds that we each write down some fun activities to do and pull them out of a jar during the week. He looked interested for a few minutes and then said it was boring.
I despair and am sitting here crying now they're finally in bed!

How many of the tasks can you get them involved with? The 2yo is still young enough to find hanging washing and cooking dinner fun. I've given in and my 2yo now has her own apron and cooks along with me. Is the 6yo old enough to understand that x needs to be done and then you can do the fun things? Could he have any tiny chores to help? (Sorry, my knowledge of 6yo's is limited!)