Encouraging positive sibling relationships - help!!

[rebeccamg]

How do you encourage positive relationships with your littles ones? I feel my two are constantly arguing, shouting, hitting :( They are very close in age. My daughter is 16 months and my son will be 3 in August. They don't understand each other despite both of them being good with their speech. They constantly want what the other has. My daughter has started hitting and to be fair to her she is probably getting her own back!
When i sit with them and try and play on the floor they both try and climb on me for cuddles which then ends in pushing and shoving the other off. I know my son really loves his sister as when we are out he is very protective of her when other children he isn't sure of come near. It's just at home things are bad! I can't turn my back for a second as I know there will be tears usually from my daughter as she is super sensitive and my son is a bit of a banger and crasher! Unless he's playing with his duplo or train track which then my daughter will go and take. Again leading to shouting and hitting! Arghhhhh Please help!

Watching with interest I've DD 2.2 and DS 9months and already they are fighting just over toys at the moment! But DD is very jealous of DS she was only 17months when he was born still a baby herself. Can relate to the two of them climbing all over me fighting for my attention it's exhausting sometimes! Hopefully someone will be along with some helpful hopeful advice...........

No advice to offer - but just a glimmer of hope - thought I was destined to a lifetime of bickering hell when mine were little - they couldn't get on at all. BUT - fast forward ten years and they get on generally really well !! still have their moments, but as they've grown up it's definitely got easier and easier for them to relate well.

Hang in there !! and try not to stress too much about it (thus making and reinforcing the narrative 'they don't get on well') - and try not to make one of them more to blame than the others. Mine are all boys, so rather than single out which one was causing trouble I'd just say 'Boys!' - even if it does seem unfair to the wronged party ….

We had a 20month age gap and dd1 used to play on the low wide windowsill do dd2 couldn't come and take stuff from her. They are now 7 and 5 and play together all the time mostly nicely

Show them how to play but your youngest is so young so have low expectations. I keep mine aosttw a bit or would stay with them and referee a lot. As they got older I started to step back a bit and see how they handled things. They do great!

The best thing is making sure I don't favour one and discipline in the same way. Even if I don't "mean" it. Eg tell dd to have time out for hitting when she is too little to get it but it means ds can see that it isn't him that just gets it.

Also I play mean mummy and take something away if they fight over it - and ask them to play nicely if they want it back....

We've a 19 month age gap and for a while DD used to play and colour up at the table so DS couldn't reach what she was doing. Now they're 2.5 and 4 (tomorrow!) and they mostly get on pretty well.

We definitely apply the same rules to each, and there's a lot of talk about being gentle and nice to each other. The one thing I've found that makes a really positive difference is to get them to kiss and hug goodnight every night. It really does their relationship good to make them stop seeing each other as rivals, even just for a minute! And if we're comforting one of them when they're sad or hurt (whether it was the other one's fault or not!), we'll get the other to come and give cuddles and kisses. Oh, and another thing that's been really positive is asking DD to teach DS how to do things. She gets to feel like a clever and big girl, and he thinks she's the bee's knees and loves copying her, so they both think it's great.

It's funny, I never realised how much extra there'd be to parenting two. There's the usual amount of parenting of each of them individually but their relationship is like a whole other child needing thought and attention!