ds scared of being burgled...advice please!

[zoeuk1]

my ds's friend was burgled during the summer hols and now my son gets really scared at bedtime. he says hes scared of a burgler coming to our house at night. hes in tears and tonight hes sleeping in my bed. hes nearly 8 yrs old. not sure what to say to him. ive told him that our house is safe and that people get burgled in the daytime when no-one is at home etc, but its not helping. any ideas?

Haven't had any experience of this but when I (as an adult) used to get similar fears it used to help a lot if I made a plan of what to do if my worse fear happened. I've known a couple of other people do this and it has worked - though again they have all been adults.

SOrt of like:
If I wake in the middle of the night and hear someone downstairs I will go straight into see mummy and wake her up. She will know what to do and make sure everything is ok.

Maybe worth keeping a mobile phone in your room and showing him so he knows you can contact police if it does happen.

Hope this might be of some help.

Maybe you could do a "house check" with him - take him on a tour round the house and make sure everything is locked up and reassure him that no-one can get in, he can test the doors and windows himself etc and do that every night before he goes to bed.....do you have alarms? Maybe he could test those once a week to make sure it all works. I have to do a "paranoid check" (what my hubby calls it) and I can't go to bed until everything is locked, closed, switched off etc....I do similar things leaving the house and leaving my car too. It can be time consuming but its the peace of mind that counts - I'd never leave the house if I didn't do it!

ive talked to him about how safe the house is, but he says that im making him more scared. ive told him that if anyone comes near our house during the night, then our dog will bark. i keep trying to reassure him ,but it seems to frighten him more. i'll try the house check with him tomorrow night before he goes to bed. i dont want to put thoughts into his head,but he is frightened.

The house check might reinforce his fears i.e. there really is a risk of burglars coming. Have you asked him what will make him feel better? There is an article on this in (I think) Supernanny mag this month.

DD has a bit of this too. She's 6. I try to explain that it's all safe and they aren't likely to come when we're here, but she's still rather scared. Let's hope it passes, zoeuk1.

I think Cailyn's idea is really good, to do the housecheck. I think maybe the fact you are being a lovely mum and taking his fears seriously makes it seem that his worries must be more 'real', iyswim? Possibly?

I remember one mum on here, having trouble with a really tearful, clingy dd at pre-school, had been trying all sorts of things to make her dd able to be left a bit better, gave her incentives and praise etc...had NO effect whatsoever; then one day the mum simply stopped discussing it, stopped giving it any importance at all, and the dd was kind of taken aback, but her ability to be left improved no end with that approach I believe.

I don't mean ignore your son's worries, maybe just try a slightly more robust approach, just tell him "oh well, we've checked the house, all done!" end of story, even if he tries to go on about it.

This might sound an odd approach but it works with me too when I am getting anxious - I always get paranoid about my health when I'm really stressed, and go on and on to dh about "maybe I've got cancer/TB/the plague"; if he says, "well, go to the doctor and get it checked" my response is even more anxiety, feeling more scared and like I'm right to worry if HE thinks I ought to go to the dr.....if he just doesn't engage with me and says "oh fgs woman you are FINE" then I might witter on for a bit but it does put my worries where they belong iyswim.

Sorry to blather on but I think it's a difference in approach that could work for you with ds.

you could aslo try contacting your local police station. when one of my neighbours was burgled (albeit quite a few years ago) the local policeman offered all neighbours a house check where they came and checked windows, doors etc and offered advice to make our house safer if necessary. Again this might perhaps make things worse but then again it might reassure him.

Speaking though as a mum whose DS goes through stages of being scared/nervous of various different things I personally think I might just be very low key about it and let him sleep in your bed for a while if that's what will reassure him and hopefully before you know it he's forgotten all about it and bedtime is back to normal again.

Hope you can sort it one way or another though as it must be distressing for both of you.

Does he believe in superheros? Or God? You could suggest he askes whatever he believes in to surround the house with their protection, then get him to imagine the house surrounded by white light that the burglars can't get through.

We got burgled while on holiday in Spain . They got loads because we drive over and the car is jammed packed (not on the way home LOL ) Any way my DS was really traumatised by the whole thing . I asked a friend what to do ( child phsycoligist ) cant spell . She said write a letter to him stating that they have caught the burglers and what did he want them to do with them . (pretending to be the spanish police) He said send them to jail and not to give them any food .And then we had to send his letter back . He did find comforrt in this and it did help .

thank you all for your responses! i'll see if he mentions anything tonight. i think he probably will. i've tried brushing it off and saying ' oh, everything is fine, dont worry', but he is genuinely scared. someone i spoke to suggested one of those sensor things that you put near the door,and goes off if anyone crosses it. i thought that might be a good idea. its just playing on his mind because his friend was burgled. thanks again for the advice.