my 4 year old hits me when he is angry

[calmseeker]

My son who is 5 in October hits and kicks me when he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do or when he is angry, upset or over tired. I find it very upsetting and so does he, I am concerned about this. He has a quick temper and sometimes lashes out with other children but this is quite rare now.
What can I do to stop this behaviour? He obviously doesn't know what else to do with his anger and frustration, or reacts to quickly to stop himself, but this behaviour is unacceptable and I am unsure how to deal with it.

Anger issues at a young age are often due to mistreatment. Without trying to sound sexist, but usually from a male adult who has responsibility or power over the your son. Your son is trying to hide is anger but when tired he doesn't have that energy and he try's to show you how he is feeling, take him out for icecream or something sweet sit him down and talk to him about it let him know that he shouldn't let anyone treat him like the way he treats you then he will, I hope, let a healthier happier relationship grow between you two

Ignoring the previous post .

It's fairly common I think. Some of my friends experience it too. It's tailed off now DS is 7. I just went with the usual firm 'no we don't hit, and stern words. Time outs never worked because he'd get more irate. But I think it's just a phase and he's totally fine at school, model pupil in fact .

I second ignoring Pogginose.

You need to help him recognise his anger and learn more appropriate ways to express it.

Start by saying "I can see that you are feeling angry and that you might feel like hitting something." then encourage him to punch a pillow, jump up and down, rip up some paper, throw a ball at a wall or whatever else you think might help him to use up the adrenalin that's making him want to lash out.

You might need to do it with him at first but, once he's learned that there are other ways to direct his anger, you can then move onto just reminding him so that eventually he will manage the whole process by himself.

Thanks my son has a loving relationship with me. He is not physically mistreated in anyway. I suppose I just don't see other children hitting their mother and I have thought he is the only one doing it. Not that that makes it OK.
Time out doesn't work with my son. When he has hit me he is remorseful and wants a hug. I will see how we go with redirecting his anger and exploring other ways of venting his anger physically. I talk to him alot about feelings and he is, as a result articulate and able to talk in a reasonably sophisticated way about his feelings.

Similar to Meglet, my DS is 7 and hasn't done this for ages. He vents his frustration through words not actions now, but that's another story. We just kept reinforcing that it was unacceptable and encouraging him to talk about his feelings.

He also needed to be run like a greyhound (still does really) or he would go stir crazy and the bad stuff would start. I did do time out, I don't know if it did him any good, but it did me, as funnily enough I had a pretty emotional reaction to being physically hurt. I'm sure you do too, so remember to look after yourself in this.

Thanks MuseumOfHam. I try to go to the park as much as possible. I don't have a back garden unfortunately. But a day inside is just not an option with my son even when it is torrential rain we go swimming or something physical. I find also if he passes a threshold of tiredness he becomes aggressive.