Is she too young for pre school?

[LittlePink]

Don't know if im just worrying unnecessarily but the closer july comes the more nervous im getting as the pre school said they would let me know if shes got a place in july for September.

DD will be 2 yrs and 3 mths in September and the plan was for her to go 2 mornings a week.

She is very clingy and shy and we thought that going to pre shool might help her to build confidence and come out of herself a bit. If any adults talk to her she looks at the floor and goes red or if any men talk to her she becomes very clingy and buries her head in our shoulder and cries. She responds really well to older girls 3+ who tend to mother her and take her under their wing which she loves. She talks really well at home but doesn't say a word when we're out in company. I know all of this is probably quite normal for a LO whose just turned 2.

I put her in a crèche at church yesterday and they came to me and said she was crying so much they couldn't settle her. I could hear her screaming down the corridor and when I got there she was in a terrible state bawling her eyes out with tears streaming down her face. It took me about 10 minutes to settle her and stop her from crying. I think there was probably an incident like someone took a toy off her or something and there was no one to fight her corner (like I do) and she went to pieces.

The thought of letting go is really hard which I guess is normal and she has to go out into the world at some point and build the skills she needs to get through life but I just wonder if I should keep her at home with me until shes 3 or let her go to pre school and see what happens.

Is 2.3 yrs too young in your opinion?

Many children go to nursery from 6 months or so - I am sure she'll be fine at 2.3 years. My DS is not quite two yet, and he's shy around strangers. Very happy with people he knows though, and quite outgoing and playful with families he's familiar with. I don't think that's altogether a bad thing. I don't want him to feel confident enough with strangers just to wander off with them, after all!

Well she's certainly not too young but it sounds as if she might find it a difficult transition.
Might you be able to get her more used to being with others by taking her to Parents and Toddlers for a while first - so she is reassured by you still being there, but has chance to get used to sharing, to the noise, to not being able to dictate the play, etc whilst she can still see you?

IME (two kids now aged 5 and 2.8) there is a big difference between a "young" two and a "nearly three".

In March this year, my son was 2.5. If we went to birthday parties or anywhere where there was noise and lots of kids, he would be upset and cling to me. He was def still at the stage where his paramount thought was "where is mummy/grandma/daddy, have I been abandoned??"

However, fast forward to end of May/June and he now he is 2.8. In those three months it is like a switch has flicked. His separation anxiety has much reduced and his desire to run off and play with new toys, be boisterous and see his friends and play WITH them far outweighs his worry about leaving me. He has started preschool now one morning a week and will go two mornings from Sept (he will be 2.10 then).

Presumably your DD is just over 2 now, so still very little. Things could change dramatically by September. If not, you could try waiting until December/January. The 6 months between now and then will make a massive difference - you will look back and see what I mean.

Of course you CAN send a child to preschool who is still very worried about separation, but they will howl and you will feel worried and anxious, and it won't really be the break you were hoping for as you will be so worried. Of course she would get used to it eventually, but it could be quite painful, whereas you might find if you wait a few more months she would set off without a backward glance.

Good luck, just keep an eye on her, keep her place at preschool in Sept for now, and make your decision closer to the time.

Thanks so much for the advice. I was thinking maybe if shes not quite ready because of separation she could go dec/jan but im due a baby early January so wouldn't want to rock the boat too much with big life changing events for her. I was hoping if she went in September she would be settled in by the time the baby comes.

She goes to toddler groups virtually every day and we have play dates with friends often so she is being socialised with other kids regularly but that's because she can see me there and up to a couple of months ago I had to be right by her side at some groups, if I walked away she would go beserk. This is easing a bit now so like PP says as the months go on things will change with her as shes changing all the time. The separation is still pretty intense at the moment though.