toddler tantrum mayhem at 15 months

[NessaWH123]

Hi iam looking for some advise please with regards to be 15 month old boy. He has always had a short temper but recently he has really bad temper tantrums and i am wondering how to deal with them and are they normal? He will suddenly start shouting and screaming uncontrollably, kicking his legs, throwing things and no amount of cuddles and reassurance will stop it. Sometimes it is because he wants something he cant have but other times i dont know why. He has plenty of sleep, isnt teething at the moment etc... jut gets very, very cross and upset. I have tried to ignore and distract which works sometimes but not others. They can last a minute or at times about half an hour. I am finding it very waring and sole destroying and would love to think he will eventually grow out of them?! Any advise please as it is getting me down Thanksx

Stay calm, don;t give in and carry on.......

it is normal and there may or may not be a reason that you can deduce, there will always be a reason in his head.

I well remember standing for 40 minutes outside Claire's Accessories in a shopping centre as my number 4 lay on the floor screaming and kicking.....even she didn't know why by the end. When it blew over i said. Do you want to hold my hand? she said yes and we carried on!

btw...I would normally have carried her off and strapped in buggy as who has 40 mins to spare, but for some reason I wanted to see what happened if she was left to her own devices.....it just blew itself out and she was normal after!. 7 years on she is a lovely normal child with only a moderately short temper! HTH

You know your child personally giving cuddles and attention for this behaviour always resulted in more of the same but if he needs comfort and it helps then carry on. Or you could try big cuddles once the behaviour stops....some people might say cuddles and attention during the tantrum is rewarding the behaviour....but you will instinctively know best (or try both!)

is it that he does not have the words for something he wants to do
does he want to be allowed to do something himself (thinking of my ds), get something himself, is he wanting to be more independent? what is he looking at /thinking of /what were you just talking about

DD is 15 months and is prone to this as well. Funnily enough I find that I can cope with the tantrums far better than I can the whinging.

I just ignore the tantrums and then, as soon as I see a window of opportunity, try to distract her. It usually works because she's a nosy little madam. I suspect the tantrums are because, although she's getting quite verbal, she still can't really explain what she needs / wants.

The whinging....that's another story. Drives me round the bend!

THanks so much for your responses. Footonthehill that sound about right...LOL i'm sure there is a reason in his head, usually because he wants or dosent want to do something but he cant always have what he wants unfortunately!!He is very strong willed and short tempered. Good to know im not alone and it could be normal. Just quite embarrassing when im out and people are looking, i then feel like a failure. Tiredpooky yep it is i think because of what he wants and he def wants to be independent that is for sure...but it is soooo often that it gets wearing and after tantrums about everything...carseat, sitting in pram, not to touch socket etc etc he cant have it all. He is like a bottle of pop and jekyll and hyde...notaflamingclue thanks for replying and knowing im not on my own. I just dont seem to see others behaving as bad and as vocal as my little one does. Yep feel your pain with the whinging but they both seem to mingle together at the moment:) I know the whinging can really drive you round the bend.

Over the last year (ds is now nearly 3) I've learnt it's so much easier on yourself not to give in. They get used to you not giving in and it shortens the tantrum, even if they still happen.

I wouldn't ignore. They're trying to communicate but lack the skills. Imagine if you were somewhere where you couldn't speak the same language and you needed to communicate something very important to you. If everyone ignored you it would be really frustrating. Whereas if you got a few kind smiles you might still not be able to get the message across but at least you'd feel people cared.

I get down to his level, talk calmly and quietly. Give him a hug if he wants it. I've found how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk and toddlercalm helpful. But it does friend how you feel about stuff - it's not good trying to fake something if it doesn't resonate with you. And to deal with the tutting onlookers, I imagine myself in a big bubble where I find even notice them. I'm focused on my little one rather than their tuts.

never take any notice of the onlookers 90% of them are actually looking on in sympathy and remembering their own toddler taming years...the other 10% don't know anything! Most people won't give you a second thought.

this too will pass

Thanks for the encouragment footonthehill. Jaffakake i reckon you are right not to give in thanks for that hopefully in time the tantrums will reduce!!! Chazzerchaser thanks for responding i do try and listen, talk calmly, get to his level and offer cuddles but sometimes that dosent work...infact most of the time that dosent work and he just pulls away, throws himself on the floor, kicks or throws backwards screaming...even then i TRY to stay calm but there are times there is nothing i can seem to do for him.

For me it depends what you mean by working. Is working stopping the tantrum in its tracks? Or is it helping him learn how to deal with the emotions of the tantrum? For me it's the latter. Like in my analogy about being in a world where no one spoke English, I'd still be frustrated by the situation but I'd feel more supported by the smiles. For me working is the long game rather than an instant fix.

maybe true im sure but a more instant fix would also be helpful at times to save my sanity....think we might have different outlooks on the situation but thanks for responding anyways