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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Problem with Speech Therapist....help please!

34 replies

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 15:52

Hi ladies,

my 25 month old doesn't talk at all, just bubbles :-( so we started private sessions with a therapist, who was supposed to be good, it seems that I have a massive problem with her!
At each session she implies that he has a problem (special needs one!). Yes he's very delayed, he just started pointing last month, but instead of her seeing his progress, at every session, she keeps on saying "ah you should get him checked out"! I had ENOUGH! She even saw him being dancing happily one day, and she said "does he do that a lot? You need to get him referred"...i don't think i can take this anymore. I 've started snapping at her, and I feel next session I'm not going to hold back!

So, I am thinking of sending her a LONG email explaining how unbearable a session is with her and how unprofessional she is...but in the mean time does anyone one a decent speech therapist in West London I can rely on?

would really appreciate any help you can offer
thanks xxx

OP posts:

HecatePropylaea · 10/06/2014 15:58

I know you don't want to hear this, but you should have him checked out.

What are you worried about?

If there are no problems then an assessment will show that, but if there are, then I promise you that early intervention is invaluable.

There are several reasons why a child who is over 2 years old is not verbal and has several developmental delays. What you see as dancing, may be seen from a different angle from outside the family.

She isn't trying to hurt or upset you. She has nothing to gain from suggesting this. She is trying to help you.

She is not being unprofessional. she has a duty to raise issues and that is what she is trying to do. She is trying to alert you to a possible issue that you have the power to have investigated.

It hurts you in no way to have an assessment. If it shows that there is no issue then you move on from it and forget about it forever. You have done the responsible thing and ruled out a problem. Nobody has been hurt. It hurts your child a great deal if there is an issue and if it remains undiagnosed for years and therefore untreated.

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2014 15:58

OK, it sounds like you two don't 'fit' so you're right to look for someone else, but remember speech therapists see an awful lot of small children so if she thinks it's worth referring him for an assessment I don't see why you wouldn't? Am I missing something?

soundevenfruity · 10/06/2014 16:01

If it's not a reverse thread I would listen to a therapist. If she was recommended I would have a chat with her about what and how she wants to do with him and what kind of improvement you can expect. When I used a SALT she did a full assessment which provided a baseline, then we had a weekly meetings with specific homework and the improvement was quite quick and evident to everybody around DC.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 16:02

Yes you're right! I did have him checked out by an occupational therapist for something different about 4 months ago and although she said he was delayed, she was overall happy with him
I have referred him to a peadiatrician to check for autism etc and just waiting for the appointment to come through

I think I am very upset because the SLT knows I referred him, so I don't understand why she keeps on repeating herself. Secondly he has had glue ear which we operated on 2 months ago and have seen progress with his communication and we are a billingual family...but according to her being billingual makes absolutely no difference, same as being a boy or a girl same as having glue ear for most of his life

see what i mean, she cuts no sluck at all...children should all be doing exactly the same thing at the same time or they are in the autism range,.....

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2014 16:06

Well if you have referred and she knows you're waiting on an appt, I agree - there's no point repeating it at every session is there? And being bilingual does make a difference. So yes, you should change - but I can't help you with that because I'm not in London, sorry!

soundevenfruity · 10/06/2014 16:06

By the way assessments with report are quite a bit more expensive than assessments without a report. As we used the same practice for sessions we didn't ask for a report but in your situation (not getting on with the therapist) I would get it.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 16:10

soundevenfruity she wasn't actually recommended by a mate (i googled her and she seems ok, big clinic and all that) :-(
yes she has given me homework,and shown me how to play etc and we did see progress which she never mentions..... who did you use by the way, was it NHS or private?

WilsonFrickett thanks lovely happy you see my point

HecatePropylaea yes you're right as i said earlier, i don't disagree at all...it's her persistence I don't like although she knows we are doing stuff to refer him

problem is i have absolutely no recommendation at all for new therapist!!!!!

OP posts:

soundevenfruity · 10/06/2014 16:10

I have sent you a private message.

soundevenfruity · 10/06/2014 16:12

NHS is not very big on early interventions where we live and were not terribly helpful. Officially bilingual shouldn't make a difference but they all say that "anecdotally" it seems to.

HecatePropylaea · 10/06/2014 16:33

erm, I didn't make a second post so I don't know why you are saying "as I said earlier" as though I were arguing with you or something. I only replied the once and only to your OP. The information about how you are indeed in the process had not been given by you at that point.

With the additional information you have now supplied, yes, I can see that it's annoying. Sounds like you are in fact doing all that it can reasonably be expected that you do, so yes, telling her that you are in the process and you find her repeated advice that you do something that you are already doing to be unhelpful.

HecatePropylaea · 10/06/2014 16:33

would be a good / reasonable thing to do is how that sentence should end.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 16:52

Hecate I know I didn't write a second post but I did so j was just reiteratin that :-) did it come out funny???! Glad u see my point :-)

Soundevenfruity thank you thank u thank u sooo much helps massively... I assume they helped u on a diff issue?!

OP posts:

HecatePropylaea · 10/06/2014 16:56

It came out confusing. I thought you thought I was arguing with you about something.

I do see your point yes, when you said that you are already waiting for appts then it's daft of her to keep going on about it.

If you're waiting for appts and assessments then just tell her to stop going on about it because you already know and her repeating herself doesn't make the appt happen faster but she is of course welcome to use her influence to get a quicker appt if she wants to.

(you may want to put it more tactfully than that)

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 10/06/2014 17:12

I had a speech therapist once who got very pissed of that I was going to her and having singing lessons. She didn't have any enthusiasm at all and in the end said it seems as though your singing teacher is doing a better job. Yes she probably was but there are things she did not know that the speech therapist could have helped me with.
So I understand what you mean, but we also need to take their advice, even if we do not feel they have done it in a professional manner. I wouldn't email her direct, I would find out who her manager is because if you can't see someone else then it's going to make things even more awkward for you.

chocgalore · 10/06/2014 17:24

as for the bilingual upbringing, there is a lot of research and it should NOT affect speech and and language development.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 18:04

RoundandRound I was going to go with the one that Soundevenfruity suggested so I ll def change her. I was about to email her manager like u say (it's a big clinic) but she just told me she's pregnant so don t want to cause her a problem if u know what I mean... I just cannot do the negativity anymore it doesn't help anyone and she's extremely negative generally. It's like she read a book on how things should be and she can't see beyond that at all (she's not a mum which makes it worse)

Hecate I ll do that and I ll prob do it as tactfully as u suggested

Chocgalore yes probably, not great eh?

OP posts:

chocgalore · 10/06/2014 18:20

I know. I have a Dd with SN and was hoping for a long time that it was her bilingual upbringing that was the cause for her speech/language issues :-/

Amyellow · 10/06/2014 19:13

BabyMum, I'm a speech therapist, and have done a fair bit of formal reading into bilingualism. It really doesn't cause speech and language difficulties... Sometimes people think it does, because they only look at one language (e.g if a child had learned, say, 50 words altogether, they might have 20 in English, and 30 in their home language. So if you just assessed them in English, you'd think they were a lot more delayed than they are, iyswim?). Current advice is that it's absolutely fine to use more than one language with your child, as long as you speak both languages fluently.

On the other hand, glue ear definitely does cause speech and language delays! Wow, if he's only been able to hear clearly for 2 months, then he's been at a disadvantage for language learning for a long time. If you're seeing an improvement since the operation, that seems like a good sign to me.

Sounds like you're getting everything checked out thoroughly, which is great. I know exactly how it feels when you don't click with a professional - DD has a visual impairment among other things, and we are going through lots of appointments - sometimes it's not what they say, it's just the way they say it that grates.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 19:42

Chocgalore oh what a shame!! Hope it's sorted now??!?!!!

Amyellow thanks so much for ur thoughts!! Ok I see what u r saying about the two language thing but thx for the glue ear note. According to my SALT he should have been speaking within a few days after the operation even though he couldn't hear properly for over a year... See now why I can't stand her???!!! Hope ur DD's issue is sorted, I assume u r with Nhs so hoping is sorted quickly!!!!

OP posts:

CharlesRyder · 10/06/2014 19:57

You know that special needs can't be 'sorted' though, don't you. They can be met, managed, ameliorated and even overcome sometimes. The child can be loved for the perfect little person THEY are in all cases.

I'm a little worried that you come across as though, if you can only be organised enough and SORT enough things, there won't be a problem.

HPparent · 10/06/2014 20:03

We went to Christopher Place and they were excellent. They do subsidies for people who can't afford the full fees.

Original poster

BabyMum1 · 10/06/2014 20:14

CharlesRyder yes that's fine as long as I have someone positive to work with I can pretty much deal with anything (almost). I simply don't like the way she puts things across..even on a special needs person there are so many lovely positive things to say and I am sure that person would make even the smallest progress if u focused on them... Well she just wouldn't see it and that's what gets me to give my lovely time and money on her to be nasty. Some people r just that nasty the fact that she works on this industry doesn't mean that she's lovely!!

HParent thank you!! I ll google it! x

OP posts:

iK8 · 10/06/2014 20:21

Catherine Pitman is very good.

CharlesRyder · 10/06/2014 20:26

Yes, maybe she does just have an unfortunate manner.

I just wondered if she was misinterpreting your natural instinct to focus on the positive as denial and had felt the need to provide a counterbalance. I have worked with parents who couldn't bare to listen to realistic insights into their child and would just ask me what I was doing to 'fix' it. Sometimes any reflection on difficulties became my 'fault' because the parent only wanted to hear that the problem was being 'fixed'.

I think others are right that you are just not gelling with this therapist and need to change.

chocgalore · 10/06/2014 20:28

we also had glue ear (which was also blamed for Dd's issues). not much improvement after grommets either (paed said if glue ear was to blame we should have seen a marked improvement within a couple of week).

Dd has later been dx with autism..but she is 6 and talking now (albeit very delayed and only in 1 language).

you seem to have everything (Ent, Salt, Ot and upcoming paed appointment) covered. Hope you.get some answers soon. It is a tough time.

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