To show attention or not to show attention

[swarri]

Does anyone have any advice please?

I get confused about how to deal with bad behaviour in my 3 and 5 year olds. I read that I should not show attention when they are bad as that is what DSs want and encourages them further. On the other hand if it isn't addressed then they think they can get away with it and it just continues.

So I find myself addressing the bad behaviour but it continuing anyway and I am becoming more at a loss of how to deal with it.

Consistency is a problem as I am finding I am becoming less tolerant now as my stress kicks in a lot earlier.

General bad behaviour is around rudeness, fighting, lack of respect, not doing as asked and generally just laughing at any attempt of authority whatsoever!

Reading this posting I seem quite calm about it all but I'm not, it's ruining home life.

Any help gratefully appreciated.

Thanks

Why are they misbehaving?

I think if a method of discipline doesn't work by the second time, then it's useless and you should try something else.

What works for your child will be different to other people's children, and I don't think that you can use a broad brush answer.

I find that poor behaviour is often caused by a lack of connection/lack of feeling loved, so removing attention would be the worst way to deal with the situation. I only have one child though, so you may need to find a different solution.

Well they do seem to wind each other up and you can see one copying the other a lot and separating them into different rooms does help at crisis points. From that point of view having two does seem to make things worse.

I don't like to think we are not connecting with them or loving them enough.

Are you balancing the ignoring of bad behaviour with lots and lots of attention, positive comments and hugs for their good behaviour? Even if you are having to hunt around for little examples of good behaviour to notice, they will gradually start the get the message about ther soirt of behaviour you want to see.

I always find brief attention for bad behaviour and lots of hugs and attention when they are doing what you want works best.

I couldn't ignore DDs fighting, they are wildly different sizes, or DD1climbing things she shouldn't, but a brief firm no or a sharp separate rooms now was always better than elaborate star charts or naughty step routines.

They are teens and it still works far better to briefly shout at them, than come up with some elaborate drawn out punishment.

Try not to leave them to it and engage with them a bit more eg playing with them and show them how to behave. So they know what they should do.