Suddenly started having accidents at 5yrs? Please help.

[supermansmrs]

My 5 year old son has suddenly started having accidents. He is fine weeing, he goes to the toilet for that with no issues at all. But he keeps pooing in his pants and refuses to use the toilet.
We can have him on the toilet for an hour and he won't do anything, as soon as we let him off within 5 mins he has poo'd in his pants!
My husband and I are out of our minds with it. We don't know what to do anymore. We punished it at first and it didn't make a whole difference to him, he just wanted to hide it more. We spoke to his teachers at school and they told us it was quiet common in little boys and not to worry, just ignore it. But ignoring it seems to have made it worse. He thinks we are happy with his behaviour now and so does it all the more.
Please help us!!!!

Have you asked him why he is doing this?

Is it possible he is constipated and that the accident are "overflow"

God my 3.5yr old has started doing this after toilet training a year ago (on his request) I have thrown 2 pairs of pants away today, tonight I have gotten cross with him and out him to bed with no story and now I feel mean.

Watching with interest. We have tried a reward chart, would that be an option?

try getting him to try to blow up a balloon whilst on the toilet - will help him push.

This would stress me very much! I'd struggle not to get pretty cross.
I would get him checked for any possible medical reasons.
He's also old enough to perhaps explain why?
Do you believe it is done out of naughtiness?
Does it happen at school? I'd have thought a child of that age would find that kind of thing quite embarrassing.

It sounds psychological to me. Maybe he feels under pressure when sat on the toilet. If he's going once off of it, he's probably more relaxed.

Could you leave him to it, or read a book with him when he goes?

You need to break this cycle.

We have asked him why and he can't come up with any explanation for it.

I don't think he is constipated because he is going regularly now. Just in his pants.

We have done the reward chart. It worked for a couple of days and then he would go back to school and it would start all over again. He does it at school too. It's the teachers that told us to ignore it but it seems to have made it worse. We've done the book on the toilet. We have let him play games on our phones and everything because the doctor told is the distraction would be good for him but still nothing. We will try the balloon though, thanks.

Please look at the ERIC website. (google it)
This could be witholding with overflow.
You must take it seriously and find out what is going on.
Please don't leave it and don't punish him.

Thanks for that 3littlefrogs. I've had a look at ERIC and it seems to pretty much cover everything we are going through at the moment. We will definitely be having a good read if this.
Many thanks x

Glad someone else has mentioned ERIC, their advice is brilliant. Sounds very much like it could be overflow/constipation to me.

Hello super. Our DD1 is a withholder. I won't bore you with the long, long back story but if your little boy is withholding I can't recommend highly enough Anthony Cohn's book. It's sold via ERIC, but cheaper on Amazon.

Please push for help via your GP and specialist. He may need medication to help break the cycle of holding in and subsequently having an accident. He doesn't mean to have the accident it happens due to the holding in.

Good luck.

What are the school toilets like?
Is he afraid to use them?
Is there any bullying going on in the toilets?
Are they clean?