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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dying Grandad

5 replies

candvjands1 · 08/06/2014 08:13

Hi. I'm new and not really sure how this all works but I thought I'd give it a go.
The thing is my dad has been given a couple of weeks left to live. He has Lymphoma,and is dying of resulting kidney failure. He has come home to our house to die. I'm just not sure what to say to my children. Both boys know he is poorly but that is all (one is 7 the other is 10). I don’t know whether to tell them before he dies so they can start to come to terms with it, or just wait for it to happen and deal with it then. The last thing I want is for them to change in the way they act around him. Please help.

OP posts:

Jaffakake · 08/06/2014 08:48

I think I would tell them that he's dying and one day soon he'll not be there anymore. If I hadn't known that time was limited I think I'd be angry with you afterwards as I might have have wanted to say something to him and say goodbye. Also it's going to be emotional for you and that'll be confusing for them if they don't know. I'd be surprised if they don't pick it up anyway as he's living with you.

Death is a natural part of life and not something to 'protect' children from in my opinion. Giving them an opportunity to say goodbye is the best thing you can do to help them manage grief.

But I've been lucky and only relatives who've had a 'good innings' have gone from my life, so others may view it differently.

Best wishes x x

sanfairyanne · 08/06/2014 10:04

tell them the truth, as they will understand it, so they have the chance to say goodbye

LastingLight · 08/06/2014 14:04

I think you should prepare them so that it's not such a big shock when he dies. ((HUGS)) to you, this must be really hard.

grainmum · 08/06/2014 14:40

Do you have a palliative care nurse involved? Ask them, they will have ideas and experience.

SpecialHandsMummy · 09/06/2014 23:19

I think it is far better to be open with them about your dad. They arebound to pick up on things with your dad staying with you and at least if you tell them, it may prepare them and give them a chance to say goodbye. My own mum died when I was 10 and I was definitely sheltered from it. I can understand that it was done withmy best interests at heart, but to this day, I regret not having the chance to say goodbye to her.

I really feel for you - such a tough time for you and your family. But you are also doing an incredible thing for your dad. Best wishes.

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