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Original poster

She's gone to school ~ In floods of tears!

27 replies

fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 09:55

That's it really, my dd started her first day at school today and went into the classroom bawling her lamps out. She clung to my arm, tried to wrap her leg round mine, and basically made a show of us I was distraught for her too The teacher ended up telling me to leave (which I was planning on doing anyway, as soon as dd let go of my arm!) I felt like I had been told off..and I could hear my dd crying all the way down the school path. The teacher led me out of the classroom and told me I could go back in 15minutes, which I thought was pointless, as, if she had stopped crying, then seeing me again would start her all over again! I waited at the gates and asked another mum who said she wasn't crying as loudly as she had been.. then the next mum said she had settled well.. the last mum out said she wasn't crying anymore and was chatting to the teacher... so I guess she might be ok now. I'll go for her at 12noon ans hopefully she will settle ok tomorrow morning She had been so looking forward to it as well.

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Maddison · 04/09/2006 10:05

Hopefully tomorrow will be better - for both of you xx

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 10:16

Oh thanks Maddison, I bloody hope so. I didn't know it would be so hard!

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zippy539 · 04/09/2006 10:34

So sorry you went through this today fireflyfairy. It's heart breaking isn't it. But full marks for using other Mum's as spies for you. Genius.

Ds started two weeks ago and I had a v similar experience - his screams were reverberating around the packed playground and he had to be peeled off me, yowling 'Mummmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee, don't leave me!!!!!!!!!!!!'. It was ghastly.

I was worried he was going to get himself into a bit of a cycle with it (he did this with nursery) so I took quite a stern approach this time. We resurrected the pasta jar thing and now he gets three pieces for giving me a 'three pasta' smile in the mornings when he goes in. I also gave him a big cuddle and even bigger guilt trip by telling him that he had not only upset himself, me, and his wee sister, but also his teacher . And for no good reason as he was happy as Larry five minutes later. Two weeks on and, despite a couple of blips, he's settling in really well. I know your dd will be the same but really feeling for you.

bamboo · 04/09/2006 10:43

I really feel for you . dd started on Thurs and she was hysterical. I really wasn't expecting it because she had gone for a morning and been absolutely fine with me leaving her. She was the only one bawling too. Friday wasn't much better but there were more children crying - I think they'd cottoned on to the fact that they weren't just going for a day . However this morning despite a few tears, she wasn't clinging on to my leg. It's just awful, isn't it?

FWIW you're definitely right not to go back in 15mins. What's the point in that? I got home on Thursday and phoned the office to check she'd settled OK and she had. The teacher said she'd be fine during the day too. Could you give them a ring and set your mind at rest?

Btw we're doing a star chart for it as well.

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 10:44

Zippy, what's the pasta jar thing? Maybe it would work for my dd?

Thing is though, she did this at playgroup too, I had a huge thread about it at the time.. under a different username I think.. and if she gets herself into a habit of crying in the mornings it will keep up, I know it will

I had thought she would be ok as her 3 cousins go there and they were all over with her when we went into the yard, and she is very close to all 3of them.. If you let me know what the pasta jar trick is then I might get that to work with dd? anything is worth a try to nip this in the bud

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Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 10:47

Bambbo, I was going to call and ask, but I found myself doing this when she was at playgroup too and I hated it. I think if I call and ask they will lable me as a worried mum and think I'm going to be trouble. I just hope to god that she was doing as well as the other mums said when they came out. DD's classroom is a mpbile outsode the school building so the office would have to run out and ask etc... I pick her up in just over an hour now anyway so hopefully she has been ok'ish

Star chart..another idea for us, thanks

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PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/09/2006 11:17

Oh FF2 that must hve beenr eally sad for you both. I wouldn't worry too much though, several of the kids in ds1's class today were bawling and they're entering yr2! Sometimes (not always) it's a bit of a show for the parents.

I get really upset because my Sam doesn't show any sign of upset leaving me, never has. I now it's becasue of his SN buta ren't us Mum's silly? LOL!

Hope she'll be better tomorrow, but it's unlikely to last mroe than a few days. Just try to cover your anxieties, which is easier said than done of course.

LIZS · 04/09/2006 11:20

It does get better - as one who had the odd similar experience at the beginning of last year. Bet she comes out happy but you may go through similar for a few days yet I'm afraid and doubt you'll be alone.

SSSandy · 04/09/2006 11:25

Does she have a friend in her class? Could they walk in to the classroom hand-in-hand? If she hasn't one yet, could you ask the teacher who she plays with and invite those girls round, you know, try and make it less strange for her? Wait in the yard till one of those girls arrive and walk in together?

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 11:33

Her cousin is in her class sssandy. p1 and p2 are in together, so her cousin (who she plays with all the time) is in her classroom, but this morning dd wouldn't even look at her.

Peachy, I know it's going to start all over again in a few weeks when I go back to Uni again too

Thanks all for keeping me company til I get her at 12 It means a lot when I know I'm not going through it alone.

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zippy539 · 04/09/2006 13:40

fireflyfairy - the pasta jar thing is mumsnet gold. You have an old jar (decorate with stickers etc) and everytime your dd/ds does something good/behaves well/doesn't scream down the playground you put a piece (or several depending on the severity of the situation) into a jar. Conversely, every time behaviour takes a turn for the worse you remove pieces of pasta (after fair warning!). The way we work it is that at the end of the week we count up the pasta in the jar and each piece is worth 10p (or however much or little you decide) - your dd can then spend or save that money. School is costing me a fortune at the moment cause ds is getting one piece of pasta for getting ready without a fuss, and three for giving me the big smile. He's totally fleecing me.

I like it cause you can use it as blackmail and it doesn't have to involve sweets .

Your dd sounds very like my ds. He got into a horrible pattern of crying his head off every morning at nursery - in the end it was just a habit rather than based in any kind of distress. It was only when the nursery teacher had a stern word with him that he miraculously stopped. That's why I'm being quite Sadie Stern about him not fussing over school - I know he could quite easily get into a rut of creating pandemonium every single day.

How did she get on, anyway? Did she enjoy herself?

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 04/09/2006 13:45

Hi. The teacher said she was fine a few minutes after I had left. But I know with her it's just a pattern, a habit and one I need to avoid at all costs. The teacher also said that she thinks I was stressed this morning and dd was picking up on it

I'm going to give the pasta thing a go!!!!

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saadia · 04/09/2006 14:02

fireflyfairy2 hope things improve. My ds starts Reception next week and I am dreading it. Rationally I know that I will just have to leave him to it no matter how much he cries but I know I will be upset. It's so difficult seeing your kids in such a state.

Distracted · 04/09/2006 14:27

Oh my heart goes out to you. My dd starts tomorrow and I'm dreading this, it's bringing tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I hope I can control my own tears at leaving her there on her first day!

Like someone else suggested, is there a friend who could go in with her to help? I'm lucky that my dd will start with a friend and I'm hoping they'll go in together and give each other confidence, it might make the world of difference.

My brother last week told me his dd was fine for the first 2 weeks and then he said every morning after that he had to leave her in the line for class with big tears running down her cheeks which was heart wrenching Silent sobbing sounds worse actually than the kind of fit I imagine my dd will throw if she decides she doesn't like it (or maybe the silent sobbing will be me ).

zippy539 · 04/09/2006 14:29

Glad she enjoyed herself (or at least didn't keep crying all morning!). Do try the pasta jar - it really does work.

BTW - that teacher sounds a bit scary....

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 05/09/2006 09:39

She went in this morning and smiled at the teacher and then told me bye-bye As I walked by the window I sneaked a peek in and she was sucking her schoolbag strap..but hey! Whatever it takes to make her not cry, right???

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PeachyClairHasBadHair · 05/09/2006 10:06

Glad it went OK

They do like to scare us don't they?

SSSandy · 05/09/2006 10:07

Fantastic!

hulababy · 05/09/2006 10:12

So glad to hear that she seemed much more settled today.

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 05/09/2006 10:13

Thankyou I hope it was alright after I left her! I saw your dds pics Hula, she looked very smart! I'm going to start taking her to dance classes on Sat morning so hopefully she will come out of her shell more

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frumpygrumpy · 05/09/2006 10:14

I hated when my DD started school and it took us a while to settle. Personally I CAN'T STAND when people use that crap line "you're stressed and she's picking up on that" as if you're going about wailing "OMG you're starting school and I'm soooooo upset". I'm glad she's happier today. I chum my DD to her classroom door sometimes still (she's started P2 and they meet here not in the playground), I don't hang about long, don't do everything for her, and don't make a big show of it. I just feel if that starts her day off well then its doing no harm. They are only wee. You do what you're comfortable with and don't feel bullied.

hulababy · 05/09/2006 10:15

That is why we started taking DD to dance class earlier in the yer. Although generally confident and independent, she has a tendancy to be shy at the start or if asked to do things in front of others. The dancing is really helping.

Twiglett · 05/09/2006 10:15

small children do this to TEACH YOU A LESSON

how dare you take them to school

I will make you feel bad

Teacher was right .. say goodbye .. unhitch her from you and walk out .. she was probably a bit brusque because she sees it all the time .. every year

Even those kids who went in well today will probably start doing it in 2 - 3 weeks time when they realise its permanent

Original poster
fireflyfairy2 · 05/09/2006 10:23

Yes, I know she was right! lol

My mum used to work in a playgroup, and the amount of times she would come home and say " FGS, if the mothers would just drop them off and go home they would be bloody fine!"

I think tomorrow morning I'll leave her at the door, she's still a bit immature yet. Thing is, I wasn't upset at her going to school, I can't wait for her to be independent, like ds (he's almost 2) and he isn't clingy or huggy like dd. But the change is, I wasn't working when dd was a baby and she has always had me to herself. I am out at Uni now ds is here and he has been used to a childminder from he was 4 weeks old (I am not heartless, it was 6 hours on a Monday whilst I attended a course)

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zippy539 · 05/09/2006 12:23

Glad it went well today.