Fear of dogs

[chele]

My three year old son has recently become terrified of dogs after a small dog barked at him one day. Unfortunately our neighbor also has a small dog that they allow to run around outside and my son will not go outside unless someone carries him, even if just to the car. As I also have a three month old, its becoming more and more difficlut to just get out of the house. We used to go for a walk everyday, but now its impossible and those walks were sometimes my only chance for fresh air end exercise. Any ideas to get him over this fear?

I really sympathise. My dd was jumped on by a massive dog at the age of four - it was just 'being friendly' according to the owner (hmph!) but it had her pinned against the wall and nipped her . She was absolutely terrified, and this fear of all dogs lasted some years, I have to say....but it became liveable with, because I promised her that every time we saw a dog, I would hold her hand, and walk between her and the dog. If we were in the park and a loose dog came up to us, I would speak sharply to the dog, and just explain to the owner 'sorry, she's frightened because she was attacked recently' and most people were fine. A few said 'oh, but he doesn't want to hurt her!' and I just ignored them. A neighbour who had two little dogs helped by letting her get to know them gradually and on her own terms. Perhaps your son needs to hear you promise you will never let a dog hurt him, that you know most dogs are fine, but you understand he is frightened and his fear will get less and less. Maybe your neighbour will understand that for the moment, you'd prefer the dog to be kept indoors during the times you might want to be out (be reasonable - not all day, every day though why are they letting the dog loose in the street???) and you can maybe enlist her help in helping your son get used to dogs again. I hope it works out.

I felt really sad about your comment re dog owners, Bron, although maybe you're just speaking about your experience. I think it's unfair to say that dog owners don't understand. We have a dog and when anyone, child or adult, comes to our house the first thing I do is find out how they feel about dogs. If they don't like them then our dog goes into her bed with the door closed until our visitors leave. I have no objection to doing that and would never inflict our dog onto anyone else. We also have cats but they tend not to be a problem as they just scarper when anyone comes!

I can see that dog-phobia is a major problem but, speaking as one who was very badly bitten as a 4-year-old because of over-confidence with dogs, I must say that IMO a healthy respect for a strange dog is a very useful thing to have.

chele, do you know anybody who has a small, non-aggressive, non-yappy dog? Could you possibly introduce your son to a dog like this in a safe environment? Dog-phobia can obviously control a child's life to an extent which is no good to anybody.

Do you have any toy dogs? As I remember P Leach's advice, this is a good place to start - just to be comfortable in the presence of a dog-shaped being? If you haven't got one, it may be a good idea to go out and buy one. Then, if your son can be persuaded to sit with, or near, this silent dog-shaped thing, you may then be able to progress to getting him into the vicinity of a real dog which is well trained and won't bark at him?

I can see you are in an awful situation. Have you spoken to your HV about it? I think it is a relatively common problem and she may be able to offer some helpful advice. Good luck anyway.

Hi chele

I think janh's advice is excellent - the part about a wariness of strange dogs being a good thing, (children need to know never to approach a growling dog, never to disturb or poke a dog that is sleeping or eating, to be gentle, and always ask a grown-up first) and also the idea of giving your ds a toy dog. To take this a step further, maybe after you get him used to a toy dog, follow it with the sort that barks/wags it's tail (more lifelike in other words). And get books and videos out of the library which have positive dog images/stories. Once he is used to that, find a friend's dog who you know is good with children, isn't very big or boisterous etc. Ask for a photo of the dog and show ds this and talk about things dogs do...barking is how they talk, they wag their tail when they are happy, etc. From here, progress to a visit to the dog, but don't push contact, keep it casual. Pat the dog yourself, talk about his soft fur, how he likes to be tickled behind his ears etc...encourage him to try touching him, eventually I really think this approach will work.

I know it's hard for you, especially with bub and all, but I know you will be able to beat this, even though it could take some patience and time!

I agree with the others who suggest talking to your neighbour about her dog - maybe you could call her before you go out if the dog is outside, and ask her to take him out of sight just while you leave the house? Seems extreme, but as your son's fear is extreme, hopefully she will be understanding. Good luck, let us know how you go

If it's the case that most dog owners are inconsiderate, it's very sad, Bron. My oldest child was frightened of dogs because he was chased by a neighbour's pack of dachhunds(sp?) when he was about 3. The neighbour was unapologetic but I'd always thought she was a bit of an aberration and a weirdo. I'd be devastated if my dog did that and two friends of mine had their dogs destroyed within hours of them biting someone. (This is over a period of 20 years, in case you think I know lots of mad dogs!!) The funny thing is, lots of children do seem to like my dog. When children come to play the mums often ask me to let the dog out because their children like her, even though 'they don't usually like dogs'! Perhaps it's because she's quite small, a Cavalier King Charles.

Anyway, as a contrast, my latest challenge is to ensure my 6 year old never ever touches or goes near any animals without my permission. We are about to move to a country where rabies is endemic and I must admit, I do find the prospect very scary. We're off to find out about rabies shots, tomorrow.

Chele, does your three year old like amimals generally? Has he had much contact with them? How about taking him to a children's farm where he can see and even touch the animals. Small ones only, if he is nervous. If he has fun stroking the rabbits and the big horses, your neighbour's little dog may seem less fearsome. Lots of farms have special events lined up for Easter and being spring, there should be plenty of baby animals around.

Or why not have a trip to a pet shop? Pet shops always fascinate my two sons. And if you come across some suitably sweet and docile puppies, perhaps the owner of the shop might let your son touch one.

As Janh said, try anything that helps your son see dogs in a positive way.

What I've been doing with ds (to hopefully stop him developing a fear in the first place, as we only have cats, no dog for him to get used to), is dog walking at our local NCDL (rescue) kennels. I explain to the people there that I've got a small child, so they always give me a suitably docile dog, or young puppy. Ds loves it!

I don't know if this will help your situation, or not, but it may be worth considering. Good luck with whatever you try.

I had the same experience with my son when he was about 18 months old after a dog barked at him. He would scramble into my arms if he ever saw a dog and scream blue murder if one barked. I followed much of the advice recommended here, luckily my parents had a very small Jack Russell for us to practice on, and it worked quite well. He likes talking about dogs and pretending to be one now! He is still quite cautious around them, and will hide behind me if he sees a strange dog, but the extreme terror has subsided. Good luck!

I really sympathise with you chele, as I have 2 dog phobic kids and live in a country with barking dogs at every gate we pass. Plus many not on leads.

Can your 3 year old verbalise exactly what he is afraid of? Then you can develop a strategy to meet the specific fear. Our 5 year old finally explained that she is frightened of being sniffed by dogs we meet when we are out walking(this has never actually happened). Now when we see a dog and she is going into panic mode, we take a bet on whether she will get sniffed. When she isnt I have to give her a kiss. She is very proud that she can now walk past a dog without screaming blue murder.

A friend who deals with kids phobias as part of her job observed that Ive not been modelling particularly helpful behaviour with dogs (Im not a dog lover tho tolerate them) and that has jolted me into being more overtly friendly to dogs I know when my daughter is around. Might this also help?

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My little brother used to be terrified of dogs and no amount of therapy made any difference so when my young son started displaying the same fear (he was even terrified of a rat-sized chihua-hua!) I went and got a young puppy. My son was very wary for about 2 weeks until he discovered that the puppy was an excellent partner in mischief and completely lost his fear of dogs.

Unfortunately I had to find a new home for the dog when my family situation changed.