How can I stop giving DS what he wants

[adrianna22]

Hi

I have an amazing 4 year old DS. But whenever we go out and he spots that MCdonalds, sweet shops, toy shops. He would throw a tantrum if we did not go into that shop.

The other day, as he likes travelling anywhere planes, taxis, cars etc, he wanted to ride in the underground- I told him "Not today" and I walked past the station, but he began to throw a tantrum, even grabbing onto my hair, which took me many times to get him off my hair. I gave in as he was embarrassing me .

Even when I take him out shopping, I'm even scared to say "No" to him if he picks up something for me to buy. Otherwise he would cry.

This cannot go on. This is so bad.

Forgot to mention.

When DS has an tantrum, he always goes on the floor or say like he is wearing a hat, or is holding a drink, he always chucks it on the floor out of anger.

What should I do when he does this? Pick him up when he goes to the floor? tell him to pick up his things when he throws it on the floor, or just ignore it?

Thanks.

Good luck- we'll be there with you in spirit. Be strong because your DS will be surprised by your new resolve and try to test you!!

Going down to the ground is probably better than bolting!

I would just very calmly pick up and put away items thrown to the floor. What you do with him is a different issue. I imagine he is quite big so it's not like dealing with a 2yo. If you can pick him up safely and walk with him to a bench or something I might do that. Is he going to kick/ hit/ struggle and try to run though?

I think you are doing the right thing to 'plan' for a meltdown just in case pre-preparing the trip fails. Only you can predict what he might do though?

The worst case scenario I can imagine is him bolting, angry, into London. If I thought this might happen I would use a bearhug on a bench. If you know he is going to stay near you I would say just stand with him and ride it out.

Hi CharlesRyder thanks for replying back.

No DS is not a bolter, he just carefully, drops down to the floor and and then starts kicking and screaming. Refusing to move. So I would either drag him home, pick him up while he is there pulling my hair and him kicking his legs at the same time.

But either way, I just try to get him home.

No. Just stand next to him. Check your texts and pretend to be disinterested! When he chills out a bit tell him what is going to happen next. 'I'm glad you are feeling better, now we are going to x. Bet I can spot a red car before you do!' etc

DS is nearly 4. Today he had a tantrum because he wanted help to climb over a fence. Climbing over the fence was un-necessary as he was next to a gate and DH and I wanted to walk on. DH and I just walked on but he got more and more upset. He did eventually walk through the gate but was still refusing to come with us.

DH said 'I've spotted the picnic table, bet I get there before you! One, two, three.. RUN..! and DS rand for his life for exactly where we wanted him to go. He falls for the same trick OVER and OVER.

What about giving him some of his own money so he can get some things he wants but not everything. This really helped with my DS when he was 3 as he used to have tantrums every time I told him he couldn't have a magazine. Once I gave him the answer "Do you have enough money?" and he said no then he dropped it. It also helped him understand that he could have nice things sometimes, just not every time.

yy to rugby ball hold

this means that flailing limbs are in front and behind you, less chance of you getting bashed about

I know it is mortifying but you really need to say no and mean it! I'd start by taking him to a small quiet shop as it may not be busy and say no. Let him have his meltdown and follow through. If Ds is having one, I just ignore or say 'I can't hear you when you scream, I'll speak to you when your calm!'

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