probs with premmie: sleeping in particular

[Caththerese1973]

hi
this is not MY problem as such, but my friend's problem and I was wondering if anyone had ideas. My friend had her baby five weeks before his due date, but he was big for a premmie-almost seven pounds. Nonetheless, he did not have a very strong suckle instinct and my friend had problems getting him to attach to breast etc. Then her milk supply began to wane and (poor thing: I'm sure I would've done the same thing myself) she panicked and switched to formula even though he was only two weeks old, as she was anxious that he was suffering from not getting enoough milk from her, losing weight, etc.
Apparently he has now taken to bottle with a vengeance and is plumping up nicely, but still not really sleeping for longer than two hours at a time even at night. This surprised me as I have often heard that premmie babies are rather sleepy.
Anyway, she's exhausted, and I can relate to this, as even though I breastfed my dd I still had the sleep issue: I doubt she slept for as long as four hours at a stretch before she was 8 months old - and only then because I did a 'sleep training' course because at 8 months she was deemed old enough for the controlled crying' routine etc.
But as far as I know, the controlled crying is not recommended for a very young baby, so I don't know what to suggest to my friend.
I get the vibe that her husband is being a bit mean about getting up to do feeds....the only thing I can think of is if her dh did at least one feed per night so she could get four hours at least to sleep (I discovered during my post-natal days that four hours was really all I needed in order to not feel COMPLETELY wrecked from fatigue...)
Does she just have to go with it with a babe of four weeks, or do people have suggestions? I can't think of anything to suggest, apart from getting her dh to do a feed even if he DOES have to go to work (she is currently on leave from her job, so I think her dh's rationale is: she doesn't have to go to work, she should do all the night feeds - but I don't think that's fair).
The poor girl is really distressed and exhausted and also guilty about the breastfeeding falling over, which of course she couldn't help.
So sleep suggestions for VERY YOUNG babies would be appreciated!

I don't really have any suggestions, but dd was 4 weeks early and she would wake, like clockwork every three hours or less during the night. Feeding, (roughly) at 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am, 3pm etc etc

I don't know if being prem had anything to do with it, but I eventuall found out that she liked to be swaddled, this sometimes gave me an extra hour or so.

DH would get up and help until he started work, but that was on my insistence. I wasn't having him knackered for work.

I don't know if there is a great deal you can do at this age, but I found adjusting MY sleep patterns made a difference. Make sure your friend is napping or at least resting when her ds is. This makes so much difference. DD would wake at 6, feed then we would both go back to bed until the next feed...it really did help.

When dd had her night feed at around 9, I went to bed instead of staying up til the 11.30/12o/c feed, (before dd came along, I always used to go to bed late, so thought I would wait till last feed of the night, but it didn't stay like that for very long!) small things like that made all the difference.

I must admit that I failed miserably at the breast feeding, tbh the special care nurse put me off to start with & dd wasn't getting what she needed. (she was only 4lb 4oz) so we had to put her on a special build up milk, so eventually had no choice to ff, but feel it did dd no harm.

She will feel guilty, but then she is still hormonal in all of this. Guilt, I found tends to go hand in hand with child rearing, there is always something!

hi
i had no sleep problems with my premmie dd now 5 she was 7wks early and 2lb 11oz as she was in special care for 4 weeks no probs just needed to gain weight they got her into a routine of feeding every 4 hours
ds who was 3wks prem used to struggle to go off in the evening just cried rocking or his bouncy chair didn't help so i put him upstairs in his cot and he went off he was obviously so tired
sorry not much help and tell your friend it will get better
good luck

Maybe she could go to bed after the 8pm feed and her dh could do the 10pm one (or whatever). My dh and I did something similar with both our dc's and it worked a treat! I would do the 7pm and he would do the next when he got home from the pub!

My dd1 was 4lb 12oz and was very sleepy, but still woke quite frequently during the night. (We persisted with bf till 6 weeks, but then changed to formula - long story, won't bore you with it). It was 6 years ago now, so I can't remember exactly, but I'm sure we were getting up several times a night to feed her even once we changed to formula. DD2 who was not prem went between 1.5 and 3 hours between feeds (bf) at that age. So, what I think I'm saying is that your friend's baby seems to be completely normal, and I don't think that his being prem is particularly relevant. Very small babies simply can't take on enough calories to give them the energy to do much more than sleep, but your friend's baby is a good size. What I'd suggest is that she ask her dh (depending on whether he's a 'lark'or an 'owl' to either stay up late (e.g. midnight-1 a.m.) and do the final feed before going to bed or get up early (e.g. 6 a.m.)and do the first feed of the day. This worked for us. Dh was a student when dd1 was born, so we took it in turns to stay up till about 1.00 a.m. which meant the other person could go to bed at about 10 and sleep till the next feed at about 4 a.m., after which, if lucky, everyone went back to sleep again for a couple more hours. This first phase is tough, but it gets better quickly in most cases...

Snap, Tiggerish. (Except I took a lot longer to say it than you did! )

HIya,
It sounds a bit like both of mine who were born at 35 and 36 weeks respectively. The one thing with dd (now 4) that I remember was being told that a premature baby means premature parents - as in, you're not as prepared as the parents who have had until the due date to prepare. That was certainly true of us and we muddled along with dd making loads of mistakes whereas with ds (now 2.5) we were much more in control of things like feeding patterns so that he fell into a night routine much quicker.
I think the best advice remains to give the baby feeds when he or she needs them during the night but to put them back to bed as soon as poss afterwards and get them used to falling asleep in their own beds as this will help them sleep through quicker. And if she's no longer breastfeeding there's no reason on earth why her dh couldn't do his share - esp. if she's starting to get really exhausted, that's not fair IMO.
I was absoltuely shattered when mine were tiny babies so I really know what it's like - with ds I got so exhausted that it kind of almost tipped over into depression and it was awful. I felt that no=one realised how dreadful it was and laughed it off whereas to me it was by far the biggest issue in my life. So I do speak from the heart even if I don't have many answers!
Hope she gets on okay.