Constantly rough 3 year old...l

[DeadCert]

DS will be 3 on Sunday and is really rough at times. At times it seems like he can't control his happiness/excitement, for example when we are playing silly with him (particularly with DH) and he is really enjoying it, he will just out of nowhere strike your face/hit you/scratch/headbutt. We tell him no and stop the game immediately, but this has been going on for over a year now and we are really struggling to know what to do.

We've tried naughty step, ignoring, time out, removal of something, pre-emptively warning, over the top praise for good behaviour....he never seems to learn. This evening, I was mucking around with him singing this silly song that makes us laugh, and he was really enjoying it and then out of the blue he just head butted me and really made my mouth and gums bleed. To my shame, I gave him a nasty smack on the hand and left quite a nasty mark and shouted at him loudly but simply that that's nasty and had hurt Mummy - he was quite upset. I really don't want to repeat this behaviour, I don't like or agree with smacking but it just shocked me and hurt a lot, I also know telling him not to hit or smack and then doing it is completely non sensical.

In addition to this, on occasion, he can be very rough to usually younger children. He pushes them over, seemingly when jealous. It's usually when he's with me and DH and another child intervenes, soft play/parks we have to be on complete red alert. He seems to think everything belongs to him, he screams at other children for touching "his" stuff - but it's not his! The park is not his! Even things that do belong to him, I want him to share, other children his age seem to share so well and it makes play dates very stressful to the point I avoid them.

As background info, he does have a speech delay but is now at the stage where he can communicate most things he wants. He goes to nursery 2 mornings a week and they say they have never seen him behave like this.

I would really appreciate any thoughts or ideas anyone has as it's really getting me down and I don't want to loose control as I did this evening. I'm also 31 weeks pregnant and worried about him with the baby although I would obviously not leave them alone.

Shameless bump

I am so sorry you are going through this hard times w your son. I'd think about the things you have not done...

• ask at the day care center for ideas on how to play with him (let them show you what they do with him and you just watch)
• then try to play with them following their game as if you were another child and see how it goes
• does he have a favorite toy he can hug and squeeze? I'd bring it to play time and show him to squeeze the toy from time to time... kind of like to release energy
• I'd overreact painful touches or anticipate them, kind of to cue him on when to change his behavior and provide an alternate action. For example, if he's grabbing something to throw or advancing towards you fast, I'd come up with a sound or silly tune at which moment you would both do something (like fake sleep, jump high with hands up, clap 3 times and howl) anything to deviate the behavior.
• at home you can practice sharing stuff. bring home new toys for you, dad and him (all things he likes) tell them which ones are yours, dad's and his. Put your's and dad's on his sight but not his reach. From time to time invite him to play and share, always getting back your toys. If he shares his toy share yours and make sure you get your and he gets hi's by the end of the playtime.
• You can start doing this with adults and young people coming over and playing with him sharing their toys and taking them back.
• He's allowed to cry (he wont cry forever) and hopefully he'll get used to sharing

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your thoughts, I will definitely try your suggestions.