DS nice with me but rude in front of others - help please

[Jemster]

I've just come back from yet another embarrassing, stressful trip to my parents. DS 6 is so rude and disobedient to me in front of my family and sometimes friends, i just don't know what to do about it. He is not too bad at home but for some reason in front of others he is sulky, rude and frankly acts like a spolit brat. I know he's not like this all the time but other people are seeing more of this side of him which is upsetting me. I end telling him off and we leave and go home in a bad mood. I've confiscated his favourite toy and said no tv or ipad for a day but really I'd rather stop this behaviour than just have to keep punishing it. It's as if he has no respect at all for me. When I was his age I wouldn't have dared speak to my parents like that. Where am I going wrong?
Has anyone got any advice please?

Can you give examples?

It sounds like nerves or over-excitement, maybe a bit of showing off, maybe some not knowing exactly how to behave. It’s probably not a deliberate wish to embarrass you! Practice ignoring some of his minor rudenesses rather than reacting and threatening. Obviously take him home if his behaviour gets too bad. When you last went to your parents’, what was the first thing he did wrong? Focus on putting just that one thing right. So, if he didn’t say “please” to you, before you go next time tell him “I know you are really good at saying please and thank you to me at home, I’d like you to show granny and granddad you can do it” etc. Then give him a big smile if he manages it even once, and no matter how big a mess he makes of the rest of the visit remember to praise him for that one thing afterwards. And repeat! And use bribery too, ice cream if he says please and thank you and does what you tell him without grumbling, or whatever. Be specific about what he needs to do to get the treat and stick to it even if he does a few other minor things wrong (not major strops though, that’s tough luck!) and don’t rub it in if he doesn’t get the reward, just tell him better luck next time.

embarrassment & showing off.
Sorry, can't advise further.