6 year olds & playdates

[Jemster]

My ds who is 6 hardly ever gets invited on a playdate. He is a lovely friendly boy and likes going to school but he doesn't seem to have a particular best friend. He talks about a couple of boys quite alot as being his buddies but then gets upset when he says they are mean to him.

We've had a few people round to play since he started school but not all of them have invited him back and sometimes he asks me when he can go to theirs.

To be honest I wasn't too bothered about it as I think he's still quite young but when I hear other mums talking about their dc's playdates I feel a bit worried that we're doing something wrong. He does get invited to lots of parties but just doesn't seem to have any especially close friends.

I'd appreciate hearing from any other mum's of 6 year olds and your experiences with this.

My DS is now 7, he has always been the quiet sort. I made an effort of inviting friends over once every week or so, not all invitations were returned but I didn't mind as I saw it as a chance to help him learn to socialize in his home.
He had a really close friend in reception, but the boy left the school in year 1, DS hasn't found a "replacement". I actually prefer it now because he mixing with more kids and growing in confidence.
What I can see is that with boys this age friendships are still very fluid and change often.
Does your boy enjoy sport? This seems to help.
I do recommend you persist with play dates.

Thank you Timetoask. Will it not seem strange though to the child or the mum if we invite them but they aren't particularly close friends with my ds? I do ask him if he plays with so & so but he just says, sometimes.
Did you continue to invite the ones over who hadn't invited your child back? One little boy we had over was lovely and they played so nicely I'd love to ask him back but ds would also love to go to his house.

When I read this I felt that you could have been describing my 6yo!! My son had a close friend in the nursery class but that drifted a bit and he doesn't have a particular friend, or get invited to other boys houses very much although tbh he doesn't seem remotely bothered. We have the odd boy and girl round but I think I care more than he does!
I ask him daily who he's played with and he mentions several boys who kick a football around- I worry about him standing all alone with no pals
I think boys don't really do the best friend stuff like girls- I could be wrong and in some ways it's nice he has a group of friends. Oh how we worry!!!

Ah pingusmum you are right, I do think I'm more worried about it than he is! He is very friendly & caring but can be a bit sensitive and a bit of a daydreamer and I too worry that he might be alone at playtime. He is a follower rather than a leader and I think maybe he might need encouragement to help him make friends. But on the other hand he seems happy enough so perhaps I should just leave him to it!

Keep inviting. Not everyone can do return play dates.

Thanks Exit you're right, I should keep asking and hope they say yes!

My son is almost 6 and never been invited to a playdate apart from his one really good friend who is a family friend and they have known each other since the day they were born. He has only ever been invited to 1 party!!! The main problem with my son is he isn't sporty and hates football, Dr Who and star wars. He loves singing and dancing and plays with all the girls but often plays alone which is apparently his choice. I have spoken to the school about him and they say the girls absolutely adore him and the boys think he is great and think he is so funny he just doesn't have anything in common with any of them. He is desperate to have a party this year and has chosen 6 friends initially all girls but I tried to persuade him to invite some boys so he has invited 2, and they seemed genuinely so excited to be invited, whether they will be allowed to come or not is another matter. I wish he was more popular but he seems happy, I worry about it more than him. He is very quirky and he can be quite mischevious and I know a lot of parents find him and his quirkes a bit odd. He plays brilliantly with his cousins and family friends but after about an hour he has always had enough!! He doesn't ask for playdates so I don't bother as I say out of school we see and play with other children so its not like he is missing out!!! Such a hard one though- I think if your son is desperate for playdates and really feels he is missing out then you do need to keep asking. I am lucky in the fact my son doesn't really care. Good luck xx

As a working Mum, I would struggle to contact you to say DS1 would like your child to come and play. It is only from keeping RSVP numbers from parties I have started getting numbers for various people.
DS1 started YR in September. I've set up his first playdate for the end of half term.
I would struggle to do a play date after school, as I'm at work.
I think I'd also be unsure about letting another Mum pick up from school unless I'd met her a couple of times at parties etc - there are 3 Mums I'd consider an offer like this from atm.

I'd invite again - if your getting to invite 4/5 without reciprocation, maybe reconsider, but if it is good for your son, keeps being accepted, and not a massive headache for you, just keep offering.