Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

"Normal" behaviour for 3 year old??

3 replies

Thecircle · 26/05/2014 19:21

We are having a few issues with ds recently, I'll try to give as much info as possible whilst trying not to bombard you all.

Ds is 3.5, myself and his dad separated when he was 18 months old. It's very hard trying to deal with ex(narc) but having been through court things are much more settled. Ex has 1x overnight contact per weekend and does nursery pick ups during week when possible.

Ds has always been closer to me, possibly clingy, I've always been primary care giver- at least 90% of care whilst still with ex.

Ds has only recently started to become v upset during his overnights at his dads, although he loves it when dad does nursery pick ups.

Ds is waking earlier each morning( since clocks went back) and is so emotional and fragile- those are the only words I can use to describe him.

Nursery say there are no issues, but at home he cries, a lot about small things- dropping something/ something not being done "properly", if we say no.

He often seems very tired, and I kind if feel this is becoming an excuse I make for him iyswim.

I've recently started given anti histamine as I think he has mild hay fever. He has been having a rough time with constipation although this is now picking up also.

He seems quite irrational and is very up and down, I'm very loving, ds has a good routine at home and is very happy at his nursery.

I've not described this very well, I was worried it would just come out as a load of words on a page.

Is t just a phase, he previously dealt with contact very well, always a few tears when leaving me but nothing prolonged.

I feel like I should be helping him more than I am.

Any thoughts anyone??

OP posts:
trumpfamily · 26/05/2014 19:41

Sounds like he is picking up on your anxiety, sorry to say that as you sound like your doing a really good job in a bad situation. He probably is exhausted as both parents are doing full on parenting to out parent the other, we'd all do the same and that is not a criticism. If nursery say there are no issues and they would be quick to say if there was then I'd say the above is the case. I think when you're a single parent you try and give them the childhood that you think they are missing because of an absent parent but in reality if you were in a relationship we would just let them play and not engineer their days so much. Try and relax and just go with the flow, do you have a support network? You sound like you need a balance, get yourself out socialising with other Mums. You'll realise then that, no matter what the set up of the family is, we all beat ourselves up about not doing a good job. You're doing your best and that is as good as it gets. Take care.

Thecircle · 26/05/2014 20:12

I think in ways you are right, although I don't think we are trying to outpatient each other. In many ways I have to parent on behalf of ex, which probably shouldn't happen but it is the guilt that you mention which drives that.

I wouldn't say ds days are engineered, I'm fairly easy going but ds thrives on routine and it tends to work very well apart from the obvious weekly break for overnights.

I am doing my best, and I'm actually proud of where we are today. I've just had a chat with my mum and we agree that my fears stem from the uncertainty of ds's time at his dads, not bring able to see the parenting that goes on if that makes sense.

I'll continue to be positive and loving and calm, hopefully ds I'll become more robust as he grows.

Thank you for your reply, it's certainly given me some reassurance and food for thought

OP posts:
Thecircle · 26/05/2014 20:13

I think in ways you are right, although I don't think we are trying to outparent each other. In many ways I have to parent on behalf of ex, which probably shouldn't happen but it is the guilt that you mention which drives that.

I wouldn't say ds days are engineered, I'm fairly easy going but ds thrives on routine and it tends to work very well apart from the obvious weekly break for overnights.

I am doing my best, and I'm actually proud of where we are today. I've just had a chat with my mum and we agree that my fears stem from the uncertainty of ds's time at his dads, not being able to see the parenting that goes on if that makes sense.

I'll continue to be positive and loving and calm, hopefully ds I'll become more robust as he grows.

Thank you for your reply, it's certainly given me some reassurance and food for thought

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page