Failing at toilet training help

[hmum]

ds is 3.5 and will go for a wee in the toilet if his friend do e.g.at nursery but has never performed at home. Have tried all suggestions star charts, bribery, etc no sucess. took the week off work this week to try cold turkey as nursey said they think he is ready and being lazy?. he has been to nursery in the morning and home in the afternoons. I am not expecting miracles.
Ds and I have just both been reduced to tears as he has wet the carpet 3 times in about 2 mins I took him to the toilet but he said he did not want to go, then stood beside me and wet the carpet, he then proceeded downstairas wet the sofa anther carpet and sat on his blanket and wet.
In 3 days he has not wee'd or poo'd on the toilet once. out of sheer frustration and lack of clothes he now has a pull up on and I feel a total failure.
I am getting conflictiong advice and am constantly being asked "oh is he STILL in nappies by various family and friends. I have also had differing advice from health visitors and really would appreaciate any advice ( so would the poor washing machine !!!)

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Twiglett, thanks have put potties away as he really refuses to use and will simplt kick around the room.Seems to prefer the toilet (or so they say at nursery). He has had pants on each time he has wet ,have also tried leaving them off.
Have printed off Dr Phils advice , anything worth a try.
We have encouraged him to see us using the loo since he was small , he loves to flush the chain and put loo roll in the loo so i do not think he has any fear.
Should I perservere with no nappy or give in for a happy life, have even considerefd just sending him to nursery in pants as he seems to perform better at nursery and then try at home. Or is that just more confusing for poor ds?

Presumably at 3.5 he can talk pretty well. Have you asked him how he feels about it? Is he embarrassed that he can't do it, or resentful that you want him to?

If he did several wees in various inconvenient places in quick succession, might he be trying to wind you up? Does he get lots of attention when he has an 'accident'? If he can wee on demand in the nursery, my guess is he knows what he's doing, although it might be worth getting the doctor to check his wee for infections (3 times in 2 mins is really a lot).

I did cold turkey with my ds at 2.25 and it worked pretty well, but three-year olds can be tricky anyway, and they're a lot more canny.

My bet would be nappies off, put him on the potty or loo every hour on the hour, and then bribery, and lots of it. Chocolate buttons, stickers, spiderman pants, whatever lights his fire. Star charts are a bit abstract for little ones. If he doesn't like you nagging him to go, put on one of those kitchen timers that rings a bell.

I'm not a fan of pull-ups as they're so absorbant they don't notice the wee. Have you considered plastic training pants with a folded-up terry inside if you want to minimise the mess? It'll be bulky and babyish, but that may be an incentive for him. If you need extra clothes stock up on cheap tracksuit bottoms in Oxfam or similar.

If you've taken a week off work for this, the stakes are pretty high. Chill. Lay in a stack of magazines and a bottle of wine and some chocolate. He won't go to secondary school in nappies. Truly, he won't.

Good luck!

I've just started with my DD (2½. She's gone through 5 pairs of pants today and doesn't seem to notice. Although by the last one she did turn to me and say "poo" and smiled. So I'm going to keep going. Lots of paper towels to dry up the accidents and potty reminders every hour. I'm sure we'll get there. If not my mum's coming to stay in 4 weeks and she can do it then

Hmum, my ds is 4 in May, never used a potty but wees happily in the toilet now since he was around 3.5. He did exactly as your ds does, weeing on the floor deliberately then one day it just clicked and now he loves taking himself up to the toilet.... But he will not poo without a nappy on, this leads to hysteria if we are out and he gets the urge. He also gets constipated so I am reluctant to force the issue and make the constipation worse. I am leaving it till the Easter holidays and then it is bribery all the way.

Try not to get wound up by his behaviour and DONT worry what other people say, I get comments too but I shrug them off, it is nobody elses business. Good luck.

bunny2 thanks it is so nice to know that Iam not alone and that there are other people with the same issues.
ds will also wait until bedtime nappy is on to do a poo or until he has pants on.
I would be so happy to achieve a wee in the toilet that like you I will not force the poo issue until later.
I am sure we will get there will update on any progress. Hoping he has a good day at nursery and some success with the toilet.

No, I've got another one here. He's 3.5 and I've just put a nappy on him to have a poo and he's sitting on the stairs now doin it. He's just started using the loo for wees and only has the odd accident there, but I mean JUST like last week.
Please don't stress about it (easier said than done i know) ignore all negative comments and he'll be fine in no time. It'll just click like someone said. Be thankful he does go sometimes as my mates boy was almost in reception when he went properly but he's fine.

Thanks again for all the messages of help and encouragement. I was at my wits end yesterday and almost gave in and put ds in pull ups.

Next week I return to my usual 3 and half days at work when ds will be in nursery so perhaps the change in routine this week hs not helped.

Any suggestions on how long to perservere ? or should it be a point of no turning back to nappies of any sort (except at night still as his nappies are very wet in the morning)

hmum just searching through potty training threads and came across yours. How are things now? Hope your all sorted!?

I would imagine so since her dc is now nearly 10!