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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help! Strategies to deal with 3.5 DS constant demands for TV

47 replies

farfromtree · 25/05/2014 15:09

We have always been strict about TV. DS didn't watch any until he was two and then we've built up. From about 15 mins to about 30-40 mins a day now. At weekends maybe a film.

But he's obsessed. He will ask and ask and ask for it. We do loads of other things with him, but if he thinks that there's TV on the horizon it will take up his mind.

It's exhausting. When it goes off, with huge amount of warning, he will often have a massive tantrum that can go on and on...

No idea whether to ease up or stay firm. Find it so hard. He's pretty crap at amusing himself on his own so I don't want to use that as the cop out. It's not going to help him improve. Equally, don't want to be so uptight about it that it becomes more desirable.

Help!

OP posts:

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Trollsworth · 26/05/2014 09:56

It's because you're strict with it that he is obsessed.

So switch it on. Have it tuned to the weather channel, or ancient American soaps, and have it on ALL day. Whenever he wants something fun, redirect him back to the tv. Tell him "no, you wanted the tv on, no go and watch it".

Let him get it into his head that the television is a boring activity and everything else is better.

I always had the tv on when mine were little, but I had it on for me. They have always preferred to do something else because they both think tv is boring. I have to coax them to sit and watch a film.

ppeatfruit · 26/05/2014 10:09

madrigals of course you're right, I also sat WITH them sometimes and we discussed the adverts especially, I hate them and made sure the DCs realised that they were not nec. telling the WHOLE truth

Trolls If you watch telly and have programmes that YOU like then why not have the same for the dcs but not on the whole day. That's a bit mean IMO because there are some very good progs. for dcs.

Trollsworth · 26/05/2014 10:12

I think you've missed my point...... to get a child to stop persistently nagging for the tv, show him it's boring. Constant nagging was the problem for the OP, boring adult televise on constantly was the solution I posited.

ppeatfruit · 26/05/2014 10:16

Yes I understand that but your dc must have realised that there are other programmes and the tv could be retuned.

Trollsworth · 26/05/2014 10:21

Ummmm, not while I'm sitting there, it can't!

What you do it, you unplug the free view box, and you say it's broken, or you move it and you say it's gone.

Then you allow them to switch the tv on as much as they like, just ensure they never, ever find anything interesting unless you are there to 'fix' the tv.

Meanwhile, do interesting things in the kitchen, the garden, and with Lego. Model what the child could be doing instead of pressing the button over and over again in the hope of seeing Waybuloo.

If the child is finding fun things on the tv, the button pressing is rewarded and the button pressing and tv demanding will become more intense. However, if the only tv found is boring, the button pressing and demanding behaviour will fade.

I know this seems .... overkill .... but I had a three year old with autism and all he wanted was the television. He had a serious speech delay and I HAD to cut him off and redirect him.

ppeatfruit · 26/05/2014 11:35

Oh well fair enough Troll i see it have been different for you.

ppeatfruit · 26/05/2014 11:36

sorry I meant 'it must have been different...'

NaturalBaby · 26/05/2014 13:31

My 3.5yr old is starting to get demanding like this about the computer/tablet. He just hangs around all day asking and asking and asking.
I'd rather he's running around playing actively etc but it's hard work keeping him busy all day as he's not in nursery much.

This thread is interesting reading.

GoogleyEyes · 26/05/2014 13:39

I limit TV very much as the OP does. It goes on once a day, after tea (and only if toys have been tidied). If nagged, I say 'yes, of course, after tea'. It works well for us, perhaps because 'after tea' is easier for a small child to understand than a time, or an unpredictable yes or no.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque · 26/05/2014 13:49

From what I'm reading a lot of time is taken up with toddlers asking and begging for the telly. This, to me, is also time they could / should be playing or doing "normal" toddler activities. So whether they are spending time asking, or spending time actually watching, either way they aren't doing what you would like them to be doing.

I would rather have them watch telly than waste time and energy fighting a daily battle. It's not enjoyable and I imagine very stressful.

I personally would question those who say telly is bad for speech development. My ds is a great talker and ignores the telly for the most part as there is no novelty about it. He is able to play happily on his own, is good with other children and plays with me all the time.

I myself was brought up with the telly always on. I grew up doing normal things, did very well in school and college and got a degree. I have lead a very social life and have a solid and large group of friends. The telly did me no harm, and the same goes for everyone I know.

People are far too uptight about this issue. Why create a battle when there needn't be one? Life is too short for that crap. Enjoy your children instead of constantly battling about the telly.

Once the telly isn't seen as a reward, or something that is limited, it may lose its appeal and novelty.

ppeatfruit · 26/05/2014 15:38

Agree charlietango 'Pick your battles'.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque · 26/05/2014 15:40

And I want to add that we do have the telly off from time to time, if I have a headache or just forget to turn it on. It doesn't bother ds either way. Because it's not a novelty thing I think.

Messygirl · 26/05/2014 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeeInYourBonnet · 26/05/2014 17:28

I used to have a half hour in the evening rule, with an extra half hour on weekend mornings.

As they got older and dropped naps/had less sleep in the night, I realised than an hour or so after lunch on a weekend was a good opportunity for a chill out, and as regroup ready for the second half of the day.

Now, aged 5 & 7, it varies. On a sunny day they'll be in the garden all day, maybe only watching 30 mins first thing and nothing for the rest of the day, and then on a horribly rainy day they might watch a few hours - a film first thing and another late afternoon.

It all evens out IMO.

ppeatfruit · 27/05/2014 10:05

And there's nothing nicer than if everyone's feeling illish (and the weather outside is terrible) to curl up with blankets and hot drinks on the settee in front o't telly!

ilovefrozenthenewfilm · 27/05/2014 10:14

I would build into his day, then he will relax knowing it is coming. Maybe his request for TV is also caught up in him saying I am tired as he knows TV is a time to stop & chill. Or is it tied up in cuddles with you, does the movie make you all stop & enjoy cuddles.
TV for me after work is switch off time, you say you do lots of activities with your DS, so build the TV in as one of them-it gives you both a break.
If you think of the day in a balanced way no child or adult wants to be interacting all day, therefore maybe after snack time & after lunch put in some TV time and then after tea before bath & have a no TV after 5pm.
I have a schedule written out, it's not really stuck to, but when the fuss about being hungry or something starts I say don't worry it's snack time at 10, you could do the same with TV.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque · 27/05/2014 10:22

what ppeatfruit said.

This morning, my DS woke up especially early (5am), he had been sick. I took him into bed with me and we snuggled watching peppa (this is the only TV programme that holds his attention), while I dozed.

Its these rare opportunities for a lengthy cuddle, that I would not have had if there was no telly. He would have been up and about and whinging. It was lovely. GO TELLY!

I do kind of understand the limited telly brigade, I understand the thinking behind it, yet similarly I don't understand it at all! TV is a part of modern life, whether we like it or not. If they don't watch a lot of TV, they won't have much to talk about to their school peers as they grow up. A lot of TV is educational and interesting. I have found it has actually helped DS's speech - as he learns new words from watching and although nothing really catches his attention for long, I do love those moments where we can sit quietly together with some snacks and have a cuddle on the sofa. They are far and few between!

DeWee · 27/05/2014 10:36

The TV could be "broken" for a week perhaps if you want to break the habit.

I found introducing set time for things like that so he knows that he will have it then, but definitely won't put it on at other times, helped constant requests.
I think it gets to be partually a habit. I'm bored, what shall I do... ask for the TV.

I think restricting it if all they want to do is watch it is a good idea. But don't restrict too much (eg I remember someone complaining that their dd was obsessed with her nintendo ds and always asked for it. She was allowed it for 10 minutes a day. So the game she was playing, she was just getting beyond the beginner level when she had to come off, no wonder she was frustrated! Mum increased it to up to 30 minutes and found very quickly that she stopped asking, and even when she played didn't usually go on for that long)

We don't have, and never had, a TV.However we do have a computer that plays DVDs, youtube (careful) and iplayer.
But those also helped my ds (age 6) who has severe glue ear. He watched everything with subtitles. This helped him both in reading and learning new vocabulary that he otherwise couldn't hear. So in his case it helped his speech.

Not having the facility to just put the TV on and see what's on does mean that the dc are fairly selective about what they watch. Ds rarely watches anything that isn't factual, and always has done. That's his choice. But he has picked up a lot of information, mostly history, some scientific, from what he watches. It isn't all bad.

GoogleyEyes · 27/05/2014 19:19

I'm a paid up member of the limiting TV brigade. I don't limit because I think it's bad, I limit because I think otherwise my particular kids wouldn't choose to be active as much as I think is good for them. And they know if we're ill, or it's raining and miserable and we've already been out, then I might well allow some extra TV.

I also have a rule that they sit and watch properly or the TV goes off, and I've found that means they have (at nearly 3) both been able to sit nicely through a full ballet / concert / show. That's something that is important to me, too.

rosalux · 27/05/2014 21:19

You can't get through a showing of episode 1 of The Blue Planet (aka 'Sharks') in 30 minutes. I therefore recommend precisely 45 minutes a day.

Roseformeplease · 27/05/2014 21:28

We had a sudden realisation how much demands for TV were ruining our days (pre pausing live tv). Our system broke and we were without for a month and everyone was so much happier. We were not rushing to finish something because a programme was starting, or trying to delay bedtime to finish something.

After a month with no telly, we finally got it repaired (bloody Sky and only satellite tv here) and then went to tv at weekends only. It was wonderful! They binged in the weekend mornings while I had a bit of extra sleep. During the week, it didn't stop reading, playing or getting other things done.

Once the line was drawn, it was never crossed and they didn't ask - it was just not something we did.

Roseformeplease · 27/05/2014 21:30

Oh, and they had to choose a programme and actually watch it -not just have it on as wallpaper.

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