How to prepare a clingy toddler for a for a new baby?

[emzzzz]

Hi there, just some advice/reassurance needed! My 2.5 yr old DS has always been clingy to me, he is not particularly easy going in nature and seems to have a very intense relationship with me. He is getting better but we went through a phase where he struggles to see anyone else showing me affection, eg DH gives me a cuddle and he would hit dh or just get very upset. We do seem to be making progress with that. So it has been a worry as to how he will handle new baby (due in a couple of months)

He has a doll that he hasn't played with for ages and he was playing with it yesterday so I tried cuddling the doll and spoke to it in a loving way and gave it a cuddle...well, DS look mortified, and shouted "NOOOOO BABY, baby go away!!" This doesn't seem to bode well with what will be happening in his little world in the next few months, I can't imagine how upset he will be to see mummy holding/cuddling/feeding a new baby. Any tips? How do I help prepare him and how do I react to this type of behaviour when baby arrives?

The are 2 yrs 10 months between my two - my eldest was exactly how you describe - really clingy and intense with me, hated DH showing me affection etc. I remember holding a friend's baby when I was pregnant and DS1 going NUTS! I was so worried about what would happen when DS2 arrived.

It was fine.

I don't know why or how, but it was. I spent lots of time playing with DS1 while the baby napped or fed. I didn't force him to be involved or to help, but when he did I made a big fuss about how great it was to have a big helper. I used a sling so we could still go to soft play, birthday parties, toddler groups etc so his routine wasn't too disrupted.

To be fair, DS1 pretty much ignored his brother until he was six months old. Then he discovered how to make him laugh and now they are brilliant together.

Meant to say - probably the hardest bit was DS1 accepting DH doing the bedtime routine rather than me - I am bf and was stuck with a cluster feeding baby.

Introducing bribes treats at bedtime really helped - so he got strawberry milk and a biscuit with his stories, or got to watch bedtime stories on Cbeebies iplayer. I would then hand the baby to DH and tuck him in, chat about our day and sing some songs.

I would get your DH to take over regardless of how much ds complains. When you have a baby you will be tired and will need help. Ds would scream for me but I would grit my teeth and let DH get on with it. Usually I'd go out or come back later from work so that DH had to do bedtime. Same for nights as well.

It made it that bit easier. They both get jealous of the other occasionally (4&2) but they're very good together and play nicely and can share me!

Thank you, thank you both, very reassuring! If ds knows I am just downstairs then dh doing bedtime is a holy nightmare, to the point when he was just too distressed and I ended up coming upstairs...and this naked, hysterical toddler lept into my arms....however if we do the changeover a bit earlier and we distract him by dh taking him to go splash in puddles or something similr and I nip off to do the weekly shop, dh can put him to bed with few tears. I just think him seeing me cuddling a new baby will just break his heart!! He is a naturally caring little boy (ok, not so much with the hitting daddy bit...) so I am hoping that will shine through when he meets his little brother or sister!!