6 year old ds quitting everything

[Emski76]

Hi. My ds1 is 6.5 years old. He's a sensitive, fairly quite, gentle child. He has been playing football on a Saturday morning for around 8 months and now wants to quit as they mix age groups now and he finds it too rough. I tried to convince him to keep going but when I took him Saturday he refused to join in so after 30 minutes of cajoling, I gave in. As I'm not keen on him quitting things we made a deal that he could quit Saturday football but must continue with after school football on a Friday afternoon. I've now had a call from school saying he's upset because he doesn't want to do football. I explained the situation and they were happy for him to stay and watch. We've already paid for next term but do I make him go or leave it.
By the way, he would also quit his swimming lessons if I let him and just wants to play on the iPad the whole time he's at home!

Stop the iPad. Maybe think about a different football class?

I think 6 can be a bit young for some dc participating in team sports - especially if its a mixed aged group.

Is there anything that caters for 6 (ish) yr olds you could try him at?

I used to feel ds was a quitter but he just needed time to find what he enjoyed really and went back to football a couple of year later so I wouldn't worry too much about it

Thanks both.

Not every child likes football but unfortunately it seems to be one of the few sports offered to young ones. It's hard too when everyone else seems to be enjoying a sport (and hero worshipping the good ones) but I really wouldn't force him to do something he doesn't enjoy. (Keep with the swimming though.) In time he will find a sport he likes. My son hated football and swimming at 6 but now (at 14) plays squash, tennis and rows.

Try scouts, cadets, St. John's etc that's less aggressive and actually more social.
He is quite young to be in lots of team sports.
He might go back to it when he's 11.
Forcing him will just put him off for life.
Restrict the I pad to an hour a day.

My DC2 is a quitter too, she is now almost 15 and has started many different hobbies through the years, she is social and only likes to do things where she has friends or makes a friend quickly, she also doesn't like to continue if she doesn't feel that she is very good at something. This wasn't noticable when it was toddler activities and parents stayed but once it was time for her to be left it changed for instance By the time she was 6 she had tried and given ballet. She still doesn't do many extra curricula activities but she has tried them all for at least 1 term with our full support and that is all I have ever asked of her.
What she does have is lots of friends and a healthy lifestyle and attitude to live, she is well respected by her teachers and always willing to join in or try something new.

I wouldn't force your DS to keep in at football it might not be his thing, but suggest other ideas and try to give him the chance to try out other hobbies. I would be restricting the ipad too.

Your daughter sounds just like mine. She just wanted to be social with friends and as a young adult is the same. She is now going into the caring industry working with special needs and doing a degree in health and social care. Your DS will probably be very good working with people. And her social skills will take her far.

Maybe he doesn't want to do football?

Find him something different to do-perhaps on the basis he can only give them up if he chooses something else to do? Ds (who is 6yo) does rugby, Beavers, gym, tapdancing and tennis. Those are what he has chosen to do. He'd love to do football too, but can't fit it in. (or actually I think he's doing enough!)

I would agree that maybe he just doesn't like football. Especially if he is quiet and sensitive. Maybe try to find something he likes. Is there a story group near you? A music group?

Both my DCs loathed football, I wouldn't have dreamed of making them participate in something they disliked.

Applesnow, he might not find a sport he likes, I never did! Just not a sport person. I do have an active lifestyle though.
I also think it is a bit much to say your ds quits everything on the basis of two things he has tried and would rather give up. As an adult I have tried loads of things before finding what I like. He is only six! Still a lot of learning to be done about who he is and what he likes.

Thanks all. I would never make him keep doing football up until a few weeks ago he loved it and couldn't wait to go bad came home smiling. This suddenly changed. This isn't the first thing he has quit. He quit gymnastics last year, and drama, and would quit swimming if we let him. You don't get far in life by quitting as soon as things get difficult.
He goes to Beavers and really enjoys that. He is very gentle and sensitive so would probably suit music or something like that.
The after school football is good for him, it's not serious matches, just a kick about with school friends plus it really helps child care wise.
Charlotte, we've always said we can see ds1 going into the caring profession.
Oh, and iPad is being restricted, in fact banned all weekend due to awful behaviour.....and he's managed with out it!!
Thanks again everyone, it really helps to have other opinions

I don't know. I flicked through a book called 'refuse to choose' which said that we live in a culture which expects people to find one career ( it was about jobs, this book) and stick at it but actually some people are not like that. Some people 's personalities suit doing different things, and taking their learned experience and transferring it to a new area. Maybe your son will turn out to be like that. Sounds like a more interesting and diverse life to me!

my son hated football and refused to go and seeing the general ethos of it inc the dads I really dont blame him, he did enjoy swimming for fun and cricket tho, (for a while)

gymnastics,drama, swimming, beavers... sounds like a lot for a 6 year old. I know some manage it but maybe just ask him to choose one out of school club and to stick to that and then let him play more?

He's not quitting, he's trying things out. I don't see that as failing. He is just yet to find something he likes. My son played rugby at age 11 for two years than stopped. I don't see that as a failure, those two years were a great benefit to him. He was a shy gentle boy but the rugby gave him confidence to stand up for himself a bit more. He also met some really nice boys from different primary schools who were there as instant friends when he started secondary- and is still good friends with them 6 years later.

I don't see the fact that he packed in the rugby as a failure. I see the huge rewards that playing for two years gave him.

I'd agree with that too.

When I was small rainbows and beavers didn't exist, people started clubs and the like much older!

He did quit drama 2 years ago and gymnastcs 2 years ago. He only does football, Beavers and swimming. I am not a parent who fills their child's time with a activities, life is too hectic for that. He's not very good at playing by himself, or entertaining himself though. Hence the iPad addiction!

A 6 year old with an ipad? He didn't buy it himself presumably.

maybe spend some time with him yourself emski?

He's 6.5 and quit drama and gym 2 years ago!
That means he quit at 4.5 so presumably started age only 3 or 4!!

As others said, he's not quitting, he's trying things out.

Beavers and swimming is quite enough for a 6.5 year old imo.
Juniors is the time for more activities.

Thanks Nigella, very supportive comment.

He started drama at 4 as he was extremely shy and unconfident and as he was starting school that year it really helped. He decided after a year to stop. So maybe it was only last year he quit.
He tried gymnastics after watching the Olympics and we supported his wish to try it. So he actually quit this probably a year ago. My mistake on both parts.
Beating, the iPad is my husbands, his dads, and we allow ds1 an hour a day on it but he spends much more of his time asking to go on it as he's awful at entertaining himself. He has a 3 year old brother so does need to entertain himself at times when his brother needs my attention.
Yes as I've agreed, it does seem he is trying things out. I just don't wish for him to grow up thinking it's ok to just quit things when they get hard.

If he loved football up to a couple of weeks ago, then presumably something must have happened. Did he miss a shot? Or someone laughed at him playing/told him he was rubbish? Or has it suddenly started getting more competitive?

I would say if he's continuing with Beavers and swimming (even if it's your choice) then he won't feel he can just quit when things get too hard.

For mine if they say they want to quit, they have to finish the term, and then confirm they do want to quit. Half the time they don't when it comes to it, it's just a wobble over something.
However my middle one went through a stage where she tried lots of things for one term, and decided it wasn't for her. She is much more wanting to try things, and then move on, my oldest is a complete sticker, she only gives up for very good reason. Ds is in the middle.

What I would do is ask him why he wants to give up. If there's something that's happened then try and sort it. If it's just he's had enough, I would encourage him to think what he could do instead*-that way he's not just giving it up so he can play on the ipad.
Then I would tell him he needs (assuming the reason isn't something you don't think he can work through) to finish the term-make ipad playing or something reliant on it, but tell him if he still wants to he can swap to other activity next term. When it comes towards the end of term discuss again and see if he still wants to give it up. If he does then let him, you may find he doesn't.

*I'm assuming from your post you want him to do activities, which is fine if that suits your family, if it doesn't matter to you, then don't worry about choosing something different.

Dewey, thanks. I think something has happened at football and that he doesn't think he's good enough now. It's frustrating and upsetting because he's actually very good at football and there will always be people in life who will tell you your not good st something. Fantastic advice. He's already signed up for football next term and seems ok with it but said he wants to wear his Liverpool kit again which he stopped wearing because other children and one of the coaches commented on it.
I will see how he gets on next term and check at the end of term again how he's getting on, tho I'm sure he'll tell me. Thanks for your advice again everyone

Coming along a little late to the discussion but your DS sounds IDENTICAL to mine! (my DS has just turned 7, is very sensitive & quiet yet popular and enjoys joining in and being 'part of the gang'. He also is completely rubbish at entertaining himself - his 2 sisters can play for hours on their own, he just moons around saying "i'm bored, can I watch tv?".I swear its a boy / first born thing, but thats an entirely other thread!).

Only now is he starting to do after school activities - a footy club that runs on the school field straight after school. Swimming on a sat morning (that he would give up instantly if I let him, but I think swimming is important). He now also does a friday afternoon tennis club which he adores, but ONLY if he knows i'm in the clubhouse waiting for him or, better still, watching from the sidelines. He hates to be left.

This half term we signed him up for 2 days of football camp (10-3, so not full days), because he gets so bored in the holidays. Its run by the same guys who run his after school club, doing it on the school field and most probably with lots of his mates from school.

Yesterday was day 1 - he had a complete stressy meltdown monday night and declared he didnt want to go (he worries ALOT in advance about things). Stress again tues morning. I figured, whats the point in sending him to something that he is REALLY dreading (even though I KNOW he'll enjoy it whilst he's there), so we cancelled yesterday on the premise that he will go today. He did get up quite happily this morning and got dressed for footy and went to the camp (slight worries in car on way there). But i left him fine and he saw some mates and ran off across the field. Result!

But I do honestly know how frustrating it can be - on the one hand, you don't want kids to just give up at the drop of a hat, but on the other hand, I don't want to be sending my child to something they really don't enjoy. I know that my son is abit low in self esteem about stuff "i'm rubbish at football, i'm not the fastest runner, i'm not as clever as xx". IN fact, he's really pretty good at football, is probably top 5 out of the boys in his class for academics (based on what teacher tells me, not me nosying around classroom!), he just needs to believe in himself more.

Anyway, this is rather alot of waffle and not alot of help - just really that you're not alone. I think there are lots of quiet, sensitive boys out there who need little, gentle pushes in the right direction in order to achieve stuff they don't think or realise they can do alone. The right after school activities should (I believe) help these sensitive little chaps.

Hang on in there - we resolved the ipad issue by buying some decent educational games - squeebles spellings is ace (he loves playing it, PLUS he learns his spellings). He can play a more fun ipad game so long as he does 15mins of spellings first. We do limit screen time otherwise he would just sit on the sofa all day long.

Right, i'll sign off before I write an entire essay!!