Toddler wont stop crying. At the end of my tether

[SizzlesSit]

DS1 is 2.8. Usually very happy.

I gave birth 2.5 weeks ago, then developped a potentially life-threatening complication a d was in a lot of pain and uncertainty. Last Monday I was told that its less serious than we feared and is treatable.

DS1 is driving me round the bend. I think he must have picked up on everyones emotions but I just dont know how to handle him. Hes always crying and whinging. I cant do anything without him crying, even just getting a glass of water.

Hes exhausted cos hes sleeping really badly but so am i cos Im juggling DS1 and 2 at night (DH tries to calm DS1 but he just cries and ends up throwing up so I have to calm him). DS2 is EBF so DH cant look after him.

I can deal with DS1's clinginess and need for constant cuddles. But not with the crying and whinging especially as it often wakes DS2 so then I have 2 crying children and if I comfort DS2 DS1 gets worse.

Got to go as hes crying againcos I told him not to put his foot on DS2's head

It is possible that he completely picked up on the trauma of your birth. And he could well be terrified about the possibility of something happening to his mummy. Also, if you've never been away from him at night time - that could have caused him to be upset.
(When I was about 4 my friends dad died - I became very, very clingy - and refused to let my parents out of my sight for a couple of years - apparently I was awful - but it was because I didn't understand death, and just thought the dad had disappeared and was very worried my parents might go too).
Have a chat with DS1 and ask what he's feeling about you being in hospital and unwell. You never know.
Hope you're feeling lots better!

Poor poor you. It sounds like you have had a really tough time and god knows stroppy upset toddlers are hard work at the best of times.

Firstly, do whatever works to help you all get some sleep for the next few days. Ask DH to really push himself and have two night crappy horrible sleep so you and DS1 can try to get back on an even keel. Try anything you think might work, a blow up bed in DS1s room for one of you? DH's having DS2 between every feed so you can completely switch off in between? Whatever it takes to get you all rested then reassess.

Re the clinginess, it must be driving you insane but it is quite a sensible reaction for DS1, mummy went away, mummy was very poorly and upset and there is a new baby hanging around of course he wants to cling to the centre of his universe when everything seems scary. Not that that helps you of course! If you can manage a couple of days of over clinginess and overly cuddliness it might help to calm him down.

When DC1 was really clingy after Dc2 was born I asked him to come with me every time I went everywhere, sometimes he would but after a few days he was feeling a bit better and would stay put. I think part of it was testing me and hearing no all the time made him feel sad, once I started constantly cuddling (all the bloody time!) and taking him to the kitchen and to the loo and the dining room and saying yes all the time he felt much more secure and didn't need it.

With the same goal in mind, are you up to getting out and about? Sticking DC2 in the sling and going for toddler paced sloooooooow walks, trips to the cafe, playgroup made DC1 feel like he was in charge and all my attention was on him and the baby was happy snuggled up. Playgroups etc were good too as there are always people happy to cuddle a baby or jiggle a pram while you play with cars or whatever.

Again with feeling secure, one tip I got from mumsnet was to treat DC1 as my conspirator, saying things like "oh no, DC2 is crying again and we can't hear Postman Pat! Shall I feed him so we can hear it? And snuggle on the sofa?) which he loved. Sometimes he would say no at which point I would surreptitiously lower the volume but after a minute or two he would tell me to feed the baby so we could all snuggle. He just felt more in control and the baby wasn't going to die from 30 seconds of grizzling. Ditto "sorry DC2, you are much too little to go on the swings/eat chocolate buttons/choose what TV to watch, DC1 can because he is a big clever boy" completely transparent to all adults but worked a treat!

Thanks for the ideas.

DH has been sleeping on DS' floor which worked ok at first but now doesnt.

I was originally told to stay at home and rest and not go out, so my mum was taking DS1 out everyday which he seemed fine with. Ive just been given the ok to be a bit more active so will start going out with them.

Ive been taking DS1 everywhere at home with me but the last couple of days hes been refusing and just crying. Its like tantrums and he doesnt normally have them so I dont know how to deal with them. Also I dont want to be harsh and do time out because his world has been turned upside down with the arrival of DS2 and me being ill. Rationally I know its not his fault but Im so tired Im getting really fed up with it.

Just had a nightmare getting DS1 to eat. He would not stop crying. Then DS2 started cos he needed feeding. This is hell