What's happened to my lovely 7year old

[mother1234567]

Hi there,
Am getting really worried about my 7.5 year old daughter. She has slowly turned from a very happy, smiley and polite little girl to someone that just doesn't listen - a brat!!!I ask her to do things eg. Getting ready for school, etc wtc and all I get is backchat or I'm ignored.
Her answering back is really upsetting me and I just don't understand why she is behaving like this.
Do they just switch at this age? She moved schools fm a state to a prep school in sept, could the other kids be influencing her? I get quite stressed with lack of time etc, maybe my expectations are too high. My loss of temper is becoming a daily occurrence and I'm scared I'll just hit her one day. (I've come very close)
I thought these arguments happened in their teenage years. I feel it's all my fault?
Any tips/comments much appreciated.
Thanks
A very upset mummy

a work colleague of mine went through something similar when their dd turned 7 - they swear it was influence from kids at school - she was coming away with things they have never talked about/mentioned in their house. I sympathise as they were going through hell.

Hi. It sounds really hard. Is it possible that she is upset at school? Emotional upset (even when it is subconscious) can come out as difficult behaviour. Especially if she moved schools. It could be:

• relationships - hard to break into. Novelty of being 'new girl' worn and now she is just out of the cliques. Outright bullying or exlclusion.
• extra pressure. Where is she in the class? Is she struggling to keep up or feel more 'stupid' than when she was at state?

How are things at home? Any big changes? People ill? Arguments with dh?
The sad thing is that often when kids (or even adults) most need love and listening, they behave the worst. My ds1 is totally like this, and has had very unhappy times at school, when he then also plays up at home, so that he is just surrounded by stress and shouting and unhappiness and 'failure'. It's very difficult to be most patient, most kind, most loving, most encouraging when their behaviour is at its worst. Are most of your stressful times before school? That could be a good indicator.

You do need to keep up the boundaries in a calm way. It's not acceptable to back chat, and you will have your work cut out later if you put up with it now. Maybe have a chat at the weekend or one evening about how it is difficult for you, and she needs to listen/ do what you ask. But most of all try and get under her skin and in her head. Sometimes children are not even aware themselves of what is going on, but keep observing interactions with other children, speak to teacher, is she more stressed just before you drop her off? Is her behaviour better in holidays? It could be a phase which needs dealing with, but I think it's more likely that there's something up.

My eldest did will be 8 in September and is a similar nightmare. At school she is fine - polite, helpful, kind - but at home aargghh! Every request is either ignored or questioned, her siblings annoy her and she is vicious towards them (verbal not physical), and everything I do is wrong.

No idea what to do to help but you are not alone.

My six (nearly seven) year old is like this too. Struggling to know what to do about it. Has been a change at home in the last year, and also I think he's found the transition to year one quite difficult - he's doing well and trying very hard at school. I think he doesn't have the energy or capacity left over to behave and toe the line at home too..

No answers, but sympathy.

When I read your post I nearly cried - with relief to know that its not just me and my 7 (nearly 8) yr old. My son is just grumpy - I'm really not sure how else ot describe it. Nothing seems to make him happy for very long, and we really do try! We seem to spend our lives running around after both kids (I have a 4yr old too) which is fine, but he seems just so ungrateful and demanding. He gets annoyed at the slightest little thing and whatever we do just never seems good enough.
I don't quite know what we have done to create this monster - he never used to be like this. I feel like I spend my life shouting at him and its like we have just got into a vicious cycle. I really am at my wits end and its making us all really miserable.
I am worried that my son is unhappy at school as he found the transition from the cosy life at infants to yr3 at juniors quite hard - but his teachers seem to think he is happy in class. Maybe he is just a 'half empty' type of person.
I wish I had a magic wand......

I think kids can be 'happy' in school, but when they are relaxed at home, in a safe environment, the true stress comes out. School is horrible, imo, constant learning (especially if you find it hard, there is little time for consolidation), tons of playground politics, shouty teachers who are less than empathetic (a very few are).

Still, you need to have boundaries whilst giving them lots of love and attention. It is the only way I think. No boundaries is a rod for your own back. But if it is a cry for positivity and encouragement then constant telling off and punishment is not going to help either.

Thank you - reassuring to know it is not just mine. DD of 4 3/4 is a complete pita at the moment: not listening to instructions, answering back, backchat, getting shouty and rude. I am normally really chilled but am finding it hard to keep my temper when it gets me nowhere. She is an oc and DH works long hours so mostly it's her and me at home. I've been getting upset about it and like you wondered what have I done wrong. Surely it wasn't like this before reception class? Tired of arguing with a (bright) 4yo and I shouldn't be.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack thread, only to say that I completely understand and don't really know an answer. Is it easier at age 7 - do they see what they are doing is upsetting you? I tried comparing her behaviour towards me to how she behaves with her teacher who she adores and making her realise the difference and what is right and wrong. Deprivations do not seem to be getting through and I guess at 7yo the naughty step is not an option for you.

Perhaps she is tired? From what I have seen, prep school is more demanding and have higher expectations regarding behaviour than state school (might be wrong) - and so perhaps she is struggling to keep up with her peers at school and because she is comfortable with you, is fighting back?

Rather than asking her to do things after school, allow her to have some crash time as soon as she gets in - snuggle on the sofa - cuddles with you if possible, bring her dinner and then tackle things like home work and chores in the morning before school when she is awake and (hopefully) refreshed.

Also try to cut down time doing "stuff" between school and home - I find things like nipping to shops a real pain as my DS is shattered and so very naughty!

Naughty step in our house (DS is 6.5) still works, but more often than not, I find he's fallen asleep!