Thanks all.
Saul. thank you so much. I think you have hit the nail on the head. He is very low in self esteem and he is in need of outlets for his energy. The only problem with that is his tiredness being in conflict with his testosterone levels. For example, the walk to school is a mile, and the girls can easily manage it by walking steadily without losing their rag, but he will sprint a few hundred yards then collapse on the ground, then cry, then start walking home in a rage, then say he is going to Australia, then get angry because someone has overtaken him and so on and so on. I try to walk them to school as much as I can, but I can't always face the stress of his palavering, yet ironically it is probably him who needs to burn off the energy by walking/running home the most. Scooters and bikes are out of the question unfortunately because there are too many unsafe roads on the journey and I can't keep on top of all three going at different speeds and have ended up carrying three wheeled objects and one child half a mile in the past.
In my mind, his sisters do not get more praise and attention for being 'good', but I know he sees it that way, and they certainly don't need to be disciplined anything like as much as him, though they have their issues too, there is a lot of sibling rivalry, inevitably with a gang of three all within two years of each other.
Things also aren't helped by the fact that his twin sister, despite being an August baby too, is pretty much at the top of her class for reading and writing, and whilst he is doing brilliantly too, he is behind her. And their older sister is old for her year and is also always at the top end on academic achievement.
He is good at doing still, thoughtful activities, and the girls are good at playing football and climbing trees etc., so in some ways I am reluctant to separate them all off into gender or energy based activities, but on the other hand one to one time is always the best healer. His dad is very aware of the need to have a outlet for machismo- they have punch mitts and crossbows and spend lots of time at the weekends rolling about on the floor fighting and learning to 'box'. He often takes all three of them out at the weekend to play football in the park, and his twin is a bit less inclined to rough play, but his older sister loves it too. Taking one out on their own is always great, but it has to be done three times, which takes out the whole weekend really.
He is the weakest swimmer by far, because he is anxious, and that is something that bothers him. So perhaps the focusing on swimming would be a good thing to start with. In fact, I asked his teacher if he could do a half day today because he is so exhausted, and so maybe I could take him swimming this afternoon.
My husband is barely around in the week unfortunately as he is a commuter, so that doesn't help, and all three crave his attention and time continuously.
I would love him to feel 'special' in a good way, but it is really hard to arrange the circumstances for that, when they operate as a pack so much of the time. They do very little extra curricular activity as I think school is enough at this age, but I do take them swimming (all together) and they do dance (all together). He is actually a fantastic dancer, but I am not sure quite how this could become his special thing when the other two love it so much too.... Lots of things to think about, thank you.