uncooperative toddler

[LittlePink]

My lo is 2 next month and I just really wanted to ask if her behaviour is normal. She is so uncooperative and difficult to care for. She's really asserting her independence which is fine and normal but it's to the extreme. Everything is a battle. Getting her ready, brushing teeth, getting her into the car, getting her out of the car, getting her out of the bath, ready for bed etc etc. She's got cuts on face from various falls in play grounds and trying to put cream on and generally take care of them is very difficult. Everything is an absolute mission with her and just wondered if it's an age thing or if this is her personality. The no thing has gone on for around 6 months now and it's no to absolutely everything unless chocolate is involved!

My ds is about the same age. We can have stand offs over some things like teeth brushing, but generally he is cooperative. So I think there is an element of personality in it.

However, if my ds thought he would get chocolate by kicking off then I imagine he would be a lot more uncooperative! I think that offering a bribe is going to be making your situation progressively worse.

If my ds is unhappy about something, then I will attempt to distract, redirect, then ultimately it will happen anyway whether he likes it or not. Something like the teeth brushing can on occasion take a little while whilst he is uncooperative, but it's non negotiable. Lots of praise if he does anything positive, and lots of praise when tooth brushing is done. Then generally during the day, lots of praise for being helpful, listening, etc. It may take a while for it to make a difference but I think it would be worth it in the long run.

Oh no I didn't mean I offer bribes. I worded that badly! I just meant if she's ever offered chocolate which actually is rare that always gets a yes. Mostly everything else is no though!

My ds just wants to do things himself. Things go pear shaped when I'm on a schedule & try & hurry him out if the house.

Over time we've got him to do his teeth himself then let us finish off. That's preceded by him having a choice of toothpaste & toothbrush. He picks his shirt & his socks. If he refuses to put shoes & coat on I make like I'm leaving him behind, or he gets in the car without them (even in deepest winter!) Ds has to put cream on every night & he helps with the task.

Generally he likes to help & he likes to do stuff himself & not be hurried. I try to build it into whatever we're doing. He likes to learn too, which I thinks a good thing. I certainly don't want to be wiping his nose when he's 10!

A lot of it is about control & independence. I think I'm relatively lucky as he's a pretty chilled out kid. I think girls may be a bit harder to deal with.

Yep, that's why they call it the terrible twos!

Normal. Give closed choices. Let them take control and be independent whenever it's safe and possible. It passes.

I should've also said ds is now 2 & 3/4 & he's so much easier now. It does pass.

Sounds completely normal to me. My DD (2.5yrs) has been like this for a while (feels like forever!). I think it's a combination of age and personality; not all her contemporaries are as bad, but then there are some who are more challenging too...
Closed choices and doing things for herself, as Bertie suggests, have helped for us. Also us being silly (e.g. introducing hand puppets to help with teeth brushing and nappy changes) and not asking rhetorical questions (e.g "shall we go and do your teeth now?" becomes "Time to do your teeth. Are you going to do them or shall mummy help?").
We still have battles and abandoned potty training because of a lack of cooperation. (Even though it was her idea in the first place - drives me mad!!)
Hopefully they'll grow out of it soon...

My dd (just 2) is a lot less assertive than this, but this can have it's down side too - I often worry that she is shy and a bit nervous! Which just goes to show that, as a parent, there is always something to worry about.
I do believe that pushing boundaries is normal for many kids at this age, and undoubtedly it will get better. Good luck!