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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Using the naughty corner to punish for having wet pants

40 replies

SusieSusieSheep · 18/05/2014 08:27

Does anyone else do this? It sounds incredibly harsh, but my 3 year old DD is very good at going to the toilet, but sometimes doesn't ask because she is busy doing something else and she will often say that she didn't ask to go to the toilet because she wanted to carry on playing and she seems to be aware that she's being a bit naughty, but does it anyone.

Please keep the flaming gentle.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

passmethewineplease · 18/05/2014 10:50

Nope, toileting and punishment don't go together.

Can't you just pop her on the loo at like half hour intervals?

deepinthewoods · 18/05/2014 11:06

Oh no never. but then I don't use punishment at all.

Ubik1 · 18/05/2014 11:09

Why not offer choc button as incentive fir dry knickers?

AmysTiara · 18/05/2014 11:09

If you say to keep the flaming gentle you must know youre being mean. Please dont do this, she is only 3.

DocDaneeka · 18/05/2014 11:11

I just used too involve dc in the cleaning up process, and make sure it took ages.

That seemed to work best.

Plus they soon realise that wet pants are unpleasant and if they go to nursery or pre school gentle peer pressure of realising those kids who go to the loo in time get more play time than those who need a cleanup operation.

Ubik1 · 18/05/2014 11:16

You need a positive nurturing relationship not hypercritical and punishing

MrsCosmopilite · 18/05/2014 11:18

No. Usually DD is very good but we have the rare accident when she gets involved in playing.

When this happens, she gets very distressed.

Like Doc I involve her in the cleaning up process. We have a change of clothes, and then move on.

whereisthewitch · 18/05/2014 11:18

When this happens with dd who often has an accident even after I've asked if she needs to go, I gently remind her to make sure she tells me and change her,I then make her go and put her wet things in the wash basket. I would never admonish her, definitely think that would be counter productive and cause anxiety and on her part.

Fairenuff · 18/05/2014 11:26

You may not realise this OP but children still have accidents in school sometimes. It's not uncommon up to the age of about 6 or 7 and older for some children. Do you think teachers should send children to the 'naughty corner' too?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/05/2014 11:35

I have little more to say that hasn't already been said - this is not a good way to deal with toilet training accidents - and they are accidents, not on-purposes.

Get her involved in the clean-up, don't make a huge deal out of it, try not to get cross - and believe me I know it isn't easy to keep calm when you are cleaning up yet another accident - but I promise you, this too will pass. Wet pants will become a thing of the past - when she is physically, mentally and emotionally ready.

One of my dses went through some years of bedwetting - he was initially fine at night, and then something went wrong. We had years of changing sheets and duvets in the middle of the night, sometimes twice a night, so believe me I do know how frustrating it can be. But we got through it, and so did he.

So please stop punishing your dd, SusieSusie - it really won't help, and could set the whole thing back. By all means point out that it would have been quicker to nip to the loo than to have to get changed out of wet clothes and clear up - but in a calm, neutral fashion.

adrianna22 · 18/05/2014 14:21

NOOOOOOOOO DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE. Sorry about the caps.

adrianna22 · 18/05/2014 14:22

Every time my DS did an accident, I would make sure that he will help me to clear it up.

EeeeeeekAMouse · 18/05/2014 14:26

What makes you think of doing this? It's a really bad idea. It's perfectly normal for small children, even much older than three, or get engrossed and forget to go to the loo.
Do not punish for this. Bear in mind, also, that any three year old could have as-yet-undiagnosed developmental issues. My DS was a nightmare to potty train, and was struggling much much later than three. At nine he was diagnosed as dyspraxic and autistic.
Please do not punish your daughter for normal behaviour.

soupmaker · 18/05/2014 16:14

OP I completely understand your frustration. I had a nightmare toilet training my DD1 who is now 6. She never seemed to get it. We had problems with poo and wee. She is still wet at night.

I know only to well how hard this is. Especially when other kids are reported to have got it within weeks, even days, and you feel like you are being judged by others.

It transpired DD1 has an irritable bladders and has been a poo withholder since she was very small baby.

No amount of positive reinforcements or reward charts worked for us and I will never, ever forgive myself for some of the days when I have been at the end of my tether with wet and dirty clothes and shouted at DD1. I am convinced it only made things worse for both of us.

We still have to take a change of clothing where ever we go and school can be difficult.

Please, please don't punish her. She'll get it in time but if she doesn't get help and support from your GP.

odyssey2001 · 18/05/2014 20:49

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but instead if a punishment, have you thought about dealing in natural consequences? Either...

a) leave her to change herself completely (don't do anything for her when she has an accident). Our LO sat in wet pants and trousers for 30 minutes because he wouldn't take his wet trousers off. That taught him about personal responsibility.
b) take away the toy she was playing with and explain that if you cannot play with that toy and stay dry, then staying dry is note important and that toy will have to go away.

A much better idea than hollow punishments.

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