My dd has told another child that its me that puts tooth fairy money under pillow

[BigBirthdayGloom]

So, during a conversation with a friend. She said that my dd, 8.5, had told her dd, 7.5, that I put money under her pillow, not the tooth fairy. The friend said that I shouldn't be offended but that I should know that ds is "going around telling younger children".

I'm feeling very sad and mixed up about it. A few weeks ago, dd and I had a lovely conversation that I thought had gone well. She'd asked, outright, and when I fudged, she asked again and I felt she wanted to know. So I said that it was me but that I had loved doing it and seeing her excitement and that it was a sign of love that we wanted to do it. And I also impressed upon her that it was her responsibility to help keep the magic going so that her little brother and sister and others could enjoy it as she had.

So now, I feel disappointed that she didn't respect that and also a bit unsure about how to get it across. But also, who knows exactly how the conversation between the girls went. The other girl might have said "I don't believe in the tooth fairy, what do you think?" Leaving dd thinking that it was okay to share what she knew.

Aargh. It's big and tiny at the same time. What should I do?

No big deal. Children like to impart newly found knowledge. Not fair to ask them to lie.

Children at dd's school have been saying since P1 that there is no Santa. Dd loves the magic so she ignores them.

I would do nothing.

Probably best let it drop - it's not as big a deal as father christmas and the novelty of this knowledge will probably be short-lived.

It might be she gets it with little children but thought it okay with peers. I am inclined to think I'm over sensitive about it, sign of getting bigger, losing the magic and all, I know the other mum might be cross that dd contributed to that magic loss but as you say, if they want to believe then they tend to brush off the inevitable suggestions. Maybe it's too much to ask of an eight year old.

Just to check-was I right to tell dd? She did ask, and I just got the sense that she needed me to be honest not magical at that point. At the time it seemed like a sweet moment of realising what we did for her. Santa didn't come up, but a pair of imaginary pixies who leave notes and occasional gifts in the bathroom did and I did tell her about those too . She seemed to be impressed by my pixie writing as much as anything and wrote another note the next morning.

You were right to tell dd and right to explain she should keep the magic alive for little ones. Who knows how the conversation with the other child went but presumably they were having doubts anyway.

As yama says, children do talk about these things and it's a foolish parent who thinks they don't.

Seven isn't that young to be doubting, as far as I know, is it? I sort of feel that I've got to give dd the benefit of the doubt and remind her that its not her job to tell people but not assume that she is making a point of deliberately spoiling it either.

Of course you were right to tell her when she asked. Sounds like you handled it well and as you say, probably she will keep the 'secret' for the little ones.

FWIW my DD was dubious about santa at 5 and totally figured it out by 6 (afaik she did keep schtum with her friends). Oddly enough she believed in the tooth fairy a while longer but that was because she thought she'd actually seen it (so there was real 'evidence' not 'belief' in her mind) ... she must have had a waking dream or else I look exceptionally small in my nightie

Much easier just to not have a tooth fairy in the first place! My sisters and I used to get sixpence for each lost tooth. Our dad used to put it under our pillows but only if we were asleep, so an incentive to settle down! No such thing as the tooth fairy in our family; I had never heard of it until I went to USA when I was 29 and was rather shocked to discover that some of DS's school friends genuinely believed it existed (these were 7/8 year olds!)!

There is a great bit in 'Hons and Rebels' where Decca Mitford told all the other kids at a party the 'facts of life'.

They were all ostracised for that for a good while.

With fairy tales like the tooth fairy and Santa the only way they learn its not true is if one of their peers tells them. A rite of passage.

You were certainly right to tell her when she asked you. Maybe just repeat to her that we have to keep the magic going for other children who still believe. She may have interpreted your 'magic' talk as being for younger children, thus not for her friend who's very close in age. No biggie though, it's not like she's been out spreading lies!

You were right to tell her, and she was right to discuss it with her friends. Normal part of growing up. I wonder how long the other mum actually thought she would manage to keep this going for, anyway?