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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds1's wet pants - he's 5!

19 replies

ponygirl · 23/03/2004 18:46

Ds1 is 5.25 and every day he has wet pants. It's particularly bad on school days and I've assumed that he just isn't going to the toilet soon enough, but leaving it too long and so has a small accident. He was fine before he started school and he used to be fine at weekends and in the holidays, but lately even Sats and Suns end in dirty pants. I've tried: ignoring it; rewarding clean pants; being cross; being upset; star charts. I don't think there's an infection as it doesn't look sore and he says it doesn't hurt. Is this 'normal' and he'll just grow out of it? Am I tackling it wrong? Or should I take him to the GP? It's driving me round the bend!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lisa78 · 23/03/2004 19:02

Ooh Ponygirl, this brings back memories - DS1 was just the same and it drove me mad. He just seemed too busy to go to the toilet and NOTHING worked
Best thing I think is to have a word with his teacher - DS1 was quite horrified that she knew about it and whilst the problem didn't stop overnight, it reduced considerably
Lots of luck

Beety · 23/03/2004 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 23/03/2004 19:15

Ponygirl, maybe a silly question but can he get his trousers down on his own quickly enough? My ds still refuses to wear trousers with buttons because he can't get them off easily. Therefore we still have elasticated waists I'm afraid.

WideWebWitch · 23/03/2004 19:16

And have you watched how he does a wee? Sometimes ds has an accident but it's because he does a sitting down wee and forgets to point his willy down. So wee goes everywhere, nice!

Original poster

ponygirl · 23/03/2004 21:33

Thanks for the answers, guys. OK, Beety, I really will try and stay calm (deep breath, count to 10...). I think I'll try and lay off the nagging until the end of term and then set times for him to go the loo, say, 9, 11, 1, 3 & 7 (roughly). I know he'll be stubborn about going but maybe if we talk it through first, as he knows it's a problem, just a funny one (grrr!) and then maybe use the star chart to encourage. He was really disappointed not to get any stars on it last time. Might take him to the gp beforehand too, just to eliminate that as a possible cause. I'm sure he's OK though because he's absolutely fine in the night.

WWW - he has elasticated waist trousers for school but jeans at home. He can't do the buttons either, or rather can't be bothered as it takes too long, so just yanks the whole lot down. He does sit down though, so will have to check direction! I was talking to dh about this and he remembers this happening to him at school: he was supposed to go at breaks and lunch, as I've told ds, but if he forgot to go it felt like he'd 'failed' so tried to hold on until the next break - and couldn't.

The reassuring thing about beloved-mumsnet is now I know I'm not alone! I never realised that boys were so different and I'd feel so un-qualified to deal with them!

OP posts:

nutcracker · 23/03/2004 21:38

My friends DD keeps doing this. At home she is fine but at school she's not. Her mom seems to think that it is because she doesn't go to the toilet at break time and then doesn't want to ask if she can go later.

God, i've got all this to come. Ds is only 15mths and i'm already worried about how the hell i potty train a boy

jmg · 23/03/2004 22:16

My ds, nearly 4, does this - and I have been worried - so this thread has been very reassuring. I think we shall try rewinding a bit and start taking him to the toilet every hour. When he was toilet training I used to give him a little treat every time he went so I may reintroduce this as a little incentive.

I agree with the not nagging bit - have always tried not to - though sometimes it is hard especially when he has a dribble 5 seconds after I've asked him to go to the loo and he says he doesnt need to

My friends DD 'leaked' until she was 7 so hopefully it is something they grow out of!

One question though - I have been putting off night training until he is completely dry during the day - should I go for it anyway???

Original poster

ponygirl · 23/03/2004 22:21

jmg - my first thought about nights was to wait until the days were sorted, but then I thought, ds1 is completely dry at night and has been since about 3.8. He didn't even have dry nappies, just decided he didn't want to wear them so we took the plunge, we took him late evening when we went to bed and he was fine until the morning. And even now, with his little accidents, there are no problems. Mind you, I do wonder whether that's because of his beloved glow-in-the-dark skeleton pajamas. He hates it when I take them away to be washed and make him wear different ones that have only got spaceships on. Mean mummy!

OP posts:

jmg · 23/03/2004 22:23

Ponygirl - thanks for the advice! DS is desparate for a pair of 'american power ranger' (ninja storm) pjs which I have got him for his birthday next week. Maybe I will use those as the bribe then

Original poster

ponygirl · 23/03/2004 22:26

Whatever it takes, jmg!

OP posts:

Demented · 23/03/2004 22:41

8 Beety, no, say it aint so!

My DS1 (five) goes through phases of doing this. He can be fine for weeks, then starts to ignore the fact that he needs a pee, running about gripping himself, all the time saying "I don't need" when you tell him to go. I am calm about it but don't do the "it's OK" line that we did when he was a toddler, I do try and point out that he is a big boy, he knew he needed and should have gone, don't know if that's right or not.

It's a relief to hear it's not just him though.

Original poster

ponygirl · 23/03/2004 22:53

I was trying to ignore the "8" bit.

OP posts:

Demented · 24/03/2004 19:41

Sorry ponygirl, it's just I nearly fell off my seat!

suedonim · 24/03/2004 23:15

One of my ds's did the same, Ponygirl. He really didn't seem to give a fig about it. He was toilet trained at just over two and at night by four yo but started the wetting when he was older. It really did seem to come down to him leaving it too long and being totally absorbed in what he was doing. Also, he wouldn't 'go' at school, hence damp patches by the time he got home. I'm sorry to say that it lasted, on and off, until he was eight. Dh said it was like having a tomcat around the house! But it will stop eventually, I promise.

Payney · 26/03/2004 11:38

My ds has had phases since he was about 4 years old of wetting and messing himself (he is now nearly 8). I think that the wetting himself is down to being too engrossed in more interesting things to bother going to the loo. He is out of the phase now and I'm hoping that, although it's come back in the past, this time we're over it for good as it is worrying. I read somewhere recently that research shows that if children drink more water, they have less accidents (if I remember correctly this was an attempt to get schools to make drinking water more readily available)

roisin · 02/04/2004 14:41

It might be worth having a chat with the children about what actually happens at school.

At our school the children are encouraged to go to the toilet before they go out to play at breaktime. Once they go out to play they have to ask permission from the teacher on duty to go back in to the loo (to avoid having hordes of kids rampaging round the building). Then when they are back in class, their teachers can sometimes be quite stern if they ask to go to the toilet 5 mins after playtime.

Now obviously when the bell goes for playtime the instinct is to grab their coats and rush out, especially if the alternative is a queue for the toilet. But if a child is then hesitant about asking a teacher - especially if they think they are going to be "told off" - then this can be the start of such difficulties.

So, if you have a chat with your child and/or the teacher, and try and instil in them the routine that the bell for playtime is a bell to remind them to go to the toilet first, then this might help.

HTH

Jaybee · 02/04/2004 14:49

I think it would be worth speaking to his teacher. I recall helping out at school while ds was in reception class and they ensured that they toileted all the children before assemblies etc. and there were a few children that we had to ensure had been on their way into class after break time - this was made easier by the fact that the reception area had its own toilets - but these children were those that wouldn't ask if they needed to go and would sometimes wet themselves if they weren't told to go.

cazzybabs · 02/04/2004 15:23

He is scared to ask the teacher if he can go? Maybe she/he says "Can you wait until breaktime?" - I know I say that to my children (but they are older) and maybe he can't. Maybe he doesn't like to go at breaktimes - misses play time, comes out of the toilets and can't find his friends? Prehaps there is something in the school loos he doesn't like - the smell, phsyically using the toilet?

I would talk to the teacher - she/he may have ways of dealing with this - prehaps an LSA could take him???

wrathchild · 09/04/2004 02:08

Chill out a bit,dear parents all!
I shall confess (Embarrassedly!) that I was in wet day nappies until 7,plastic pants into teens,and still have the occasional wet bed at 37! (As does my sister,who is a 41 year old teacher.)
I can assure you that there's nothing wrong with us!
On the junior school timing topic,we had a fairly strict regime-usually toilets prior to lessons and breaktimes.Other than that,we either kept our legs crossed or wet our knicks!
Perhaps times haven't changed that much.

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