Was anyone unlucky enough to get 2 demanding babies?

[kbaby]

Just wondering.
DD was a nightmare baby and would only be held, creid constantly etc. Everyone said I wouldnt have another baby the same but I have.

I was wondering if anyone else also had 2 the same and if so what did you do differntly 2nd time around.

My ds1 was a nightmare, so we're still not entirely sure how ds2 arrived 21m later !

Luckily ds2 was an easy sleepy baby; we treated him the same but he just responded differently...and in a more relaxed way. A prime example - ds1 was not an enthusiastic sleeper, wanting to be held/with us all the time. I bf him, and quickly decided to co sleep so we could all get some rest ! He coslept for about 9m. Dh missed him once he was in his own cot, but I must say I enjoyed having the space to stretch out in bed etc as it was the only break I got.
When ds2 was born we assumed we'd cosleep etc but he'd have none of it. He made it clear thet he preferred the Moses basket. I still bfed him; but from the start he was sooo different, sleopt easilyetc. At 10w he was slleping right through to 5 or 5.30am.

I now have 4 children altogether; ds2 was by far the easiest baby.

Same here, everyone told me it would be different but it wasn't. ds wouldn't sleep, was held constantly, cried loads, had colic, just like dd had.

Didn't really do anything differently but had the knowledge that it was a phase which wouldn't last forever. I used the sling loads and just got used to holding him. I found I actually enjoyed it more with ds as I knew it wouldn't last forever, IYSWIM.

They are now 3 and 4 and are lovely!

I think a lot of it is to do with how the mum feels. First babies are often more difficult because the parents are stressed about everything. My sister had PND with her first ds. She did exactly the same things with her 2nd ds but didn't have pnd this time and he seems much happy and contented than her ds1

But for some of us we don't get the contented second baby, even if we feel more contented as mums!

dd was demanding from early on which seemed a shock in comparison to ds 3 years previous. However, thinking about it, ds had also been hard work particularly during the evenings early on when we'd rarely got a hot meal between us and also as he became mobile. In ds' case he'd got over it eventually, and became placid and rmroe relaxed, but dd had reflux which wasn't diagnosed until she was about 10 weeks and that explained a lot of her earlier behaviour. Even though we could then understand she continued to be a clingy and generally a much higher maintenance child than ds which can be very wearing.

In your shoes I'd say CO is definitely worth a try and also rule out any potential medical issues. Being a second child he will have to fit in to an extent with your dd's demands on your time (dd often used to scream in the car on the preschool run) but don't forget yourself and dh either. Perhaps try to find something for yourself to do regularly as a distraction, however short, such as an evening or exercise class, if you can find someone you trust to look after him and willing to put up with the inevitable fuss.

Good luck

LIZS, I think you make a good point there - it is hard to find someone willing to babysit a very demanding baby.

Kbaby, sorry you are feeling overstretched...

I thought DD1 was fairly demanding TBH. She wanted to be held all the time, yes, and always wanmted stimulation and interaction with people people people. Never happy to while away hours in a baby chair or anything handy like that.

DD2 is the same. If not more so. She makes up for any deficit of attention during the day by wanting cuddled all night... and I do it, yes. She's in a sling during the day and in the bed at night. She's a bit more settled now and I do think it's partly because she gets what she asks for.

I have sort of re-thought it though. I don't really think of it as a bad thing. I think both of them are sociable and affectionate and are asking for their intellects and souls to be fed in the only way they know how. Yes, I do know babies who will stay in a baby chair for ages playing with their hands but I don't think I'd be happy doing that if I was a baby. Your DS is still tiny and I bet he will cry less and less as he grows older and discovers how interesting the world is... And he has a sister to fascinate him too, not just you on your own!

I know this all might sound even more annoying and smug than saying 'no mine were dreamy' but the only thing I changed was my attitude, and hell, it's going to be tiring anyway one way or the other and at least you know you have a baby who is totally involved with you and with the world and wants all he can get from it, not one who is detached and voiceless and hard to get to know.

I disagree LucyJones. I know three families with twins and all would say that one of the twins (even if identical twins) is more demanding than the other. Their personalities are different. It makes me mad when the 'mother' gets blamed for fractious babies. Some babies are more hard work than others and thats just the way they are. I think it puts mums (especially first time mums) under such a guilt trip when they are 'blamed' for a discontented baby. This happened to me. DS1 was an awful baby. People said it was because I didnt know what I was doing, because I was stressed being a first time mum. It turned out (we found out when he was 3 months) that he had severe silent gastric reflux. He was put on medication and was so much better.

anyway, Sorry kbaby you are experiencing another difficult baby. They will probably both be very intelligent when they are older

ds was a very clingby baby - breastfed constantly, wouldn't sleep on his own, scramed away from me tec etc. I convince dmyself taht no 2. would be different - he / she wold need to fit in and as a 2nd child would settle easily as I was more relaxed etc etc. Was I wrong!! DD was WORSE than ds. More clingy and screamed more or less constantly. Different things I did - I could't hold her as much as I held ds as I had him to look after too - so i used a baby swing a lot (luckily this was the one thing she would go to sleep in!) I would bath both by getting in the bath as well and holding her (that is quite good as she didn't cry in the bath). Bedtime stories for ds again maent me breastfeeding dd while lying beside ds etc etc.
It does get better eventually - althouh I did find her first months very, very diffcult.

We'd just moved before dd was born and had several mums from ds' class who offered to babysit initially but went rather quiet when they'd seen her in action Both went to a creche while I did a language course in the next room and she would wail pretty much the whole hour and half

kbaby, I am wondering the same. Dd was very difficult in almost every area: sleep, feeding, not being able to be put down/unsettled. Am expecting ds in a couple of weeks with bated breath.

I think if the first was a high needs one due to temperament (rather than a medical condition like reflux), then there is a chance that the second one could also end up with the same temperament.

In my case, dd got her temperament from her daddy. My MIL said all her 4 babies were difficult, but my dh was her first and worst!

I don't buy it when people tell me it was because dd was my first and I was stressed and anxious and baby picked up on it. NO - I am NOT imagining it when I say dd is hard work no matter what I tried. Why else would nurses on the maternity ward tell me how unsettled dd was? Why else would experienced nurses/HVs who tried everything to get my dd to take a bottle have to give up eventually? Why did the doctor who tried to examine her lying down (dd would not be put down) recoil in horror at dd's protests, thinking that there was something wrong?

But if I am fated to have a second difficult one, I am glad I have lived through dd's babyhood and learnt to parent harder. Go-with-the-flow, get a sling, put rest of life on hold as much as possible, ignore everyone else's advice, meet baby's needs as best I can and just wait it out.

Dd has blossomed into a most delightful, engaged and lively 3 year old.

MaloryTowersIsSlimAndChic - You just did that to make me its not fair!

DD is very advanced for her age and I do put it down to the fact that she came everywhere with me and was so alert at an early age so I guess there are some benefits. I dont mind DS being difficult because I know with DD that once she became more aware of her sorroundings she was actually quite a happy baby I just want him to a good sleeper. I just want to be able to lay him down when hes asleep unlike DD WHO NOW 2 STILL HAS TO BE ROCKED TO SLEEP FOR A NAP.

I actually just got DDs baby swing out of the attic so maybe ill be able to cook dinner without ds screaming.

I had too the same. They are both still awful at going to sleep. DD1 slightly worse, had to be held all the time even when I was eating. Both dc are very demanding but I'm glad that I had them close together because I got out of the problem in a relatively short period of time. Having said that, they still don't sleep through but they are much better.

two

yes but at the same time! My odler two were angels and the twins have been very demanding. I guess it is down to luck and impossible to predict.

Both mine were the same .. but I'm afraid they were both pretty easy

all my five little sods were like this

sorry. I mean they were hard, not easy. I wish...