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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why doesn't she want her paintings up?

16 replies

motherinferior · 22/03/2004 09:53

DD1 is three and she loves painting. She's coming back from her childminder/playgroup with a couple a week at the moment. A couple of months ago I got round to putting her pictures up in my office (I work from the room at the top of our house)...and when she came up a day or two later she went BANANAS. Screamed and wept (she doesn't often do this!) and insisted they were all taken down, ripping the ones she could reach off herself. OK, I thought, I've nicked her pics, we'll put them up in her room. And we talked about it, and then I finally got round to it yesterday...and she went bananas again. She hadn't had a very good day for various reasons (she'd napped and wet herself and felt dreadful about that) but boy was this a strop. She ripped the ones off that she could reach, and several hours later came downstairs and said 'My room doesn't look very nice, mummy, I'm not happy about it'.

Now, I know this isn't a major problem. But it does faintly perturb me. Is it because her pictures don't look like the ones in her head? She's perfectly happy with the Percy the Park Keeper ones I also put up. I think her pics are lovely, and I'd like her to feel happy and proud of what she's done!

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Crunchie · 22/03/2004 10:03

I think that is really funny, I guess she must be a perfectionist and because her pics don't look as good as Percy, she isn't happy Sorry I am not taking the piss, you want some helpful advice and I haven't got any. At least she doesn't mind you binning them, I have to chuck a huge pile away every week, or persaude DD's to do paintings for Granny or Grandpa. Woe betide me if they spot any in the bin

Jimjams · 22/03/2004 10:05

do you think someone's said something nasty to her about her paintings? Is she shy if people comment on her "work"? Can't think of anything else sorry.

smellymelly · 22/03/2004 10:24

My sister was a Mum before me and I remember her telling me that you should ask your childs permission if you could put their pictures up, I'm not sure why, but I do that with my DS and let him choose which ones I can display out of my favourites!!!!

It works well with him.

aloha · 22/03/2004 10:38

Maybe her pleasure in the paintings is the actually doing and not the result. I think that's perfectly normal. I painted a plate on sunday at an art cafe and thoroughly enjoyed it. I wouldn't want to use my own work if I had people round for dinner though. I think all you have to do is respect her wishes on this one. I think it is actually rather good and healthy to be more involved in the process than the result. Psychologists say that one of greatest states of happiness you can have is 'flow' when you are thoroughly absorbed in an activity that slightly stretches you and satisfies you.

Original poster

motherinferior · 22/03/2004 10:46

Thank you. I don't think anyone's said anything about her pics, and she does like bringing them home, but it probably is something about doing them rather than the result. I'll take them down, I suppose. Pity. They're lovely!

I like eating cake but prefer the activity to the result too

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MrsGrump · 22/03/2004 10:49

Maybe it's a "those don't belong there" thing. 3 is the age when they are suddenly into rules and things being done a certain, the only "right" way. It wouldn't mean she feels shy or ashamed, it just might not seem "proper" to her to put paintings on the walls, esp. your office, which probably is a special (off-limits?) space in her mental map of the house, or her room -- maybe she was comforted by the familiarity of exactly how it was before!

Crunchie · 22/03/2004 11:18

MrsGrump That is a really good point. Children really do have this sense of order and go through stages of making sure things are in the 'right' place. I have had this with DD1 more than DD2, DD1 used to get really angry if things were turned around or put away in the wrong place.

Chuck them out!! re email

Original poster

motherinferior · 22/03/2004 11:40

Ooooh, she's just like me - I go bananas if things are in the wrong place!

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Marina · 22/03/2004 11:51

We have quite a gallery in our hall, MI, but ds chose which pictures went up and where (which is why there is one of Batman in a balloon a very odd place at the head of the stairs...). We have re-hangs and talk about our summer exhibition etc, but crucially, he was only happy about our putting up the stuff if he was directly involved. I snuck one piece in one day and he went bonkers, so I felt I had to respect his wishes and take it down.
Maybe you could commission her to paint something special for you and let her choose its location?

nutcracker · 22/03/2004 11:59

Our kitchen is covered in paintings by DD1 but when DD2 started nursery she too didn't want us to put her pictures on the wall. She didn't get upset about it, she just point blank refused to let me do it.
The only reason that we could think of was that if they were on the wall then only people that came to the flat would see them, and she wanted everyone to see them. She likes to take them to show her GD and GM and her uncles and friends, everyone really. Usually then after about a month, when she has shown them to everyone she can think of, then she will ask me to put it on the wall.

Original poster

motherinferior · 22/03/2004 13:07

God, I feel awful now. Violated her human rights as person and painter. Erk

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Marina · 22/03/2004 14:01

MI - don't feel bad, please . You know how ridiculously self-important and hissy the under fives can be . Sometimes it all becomes a little too much to respect their personhood 24/7 (well it does in our house anyway, the painting came down because of the racket mainly).
Our "gallery" only started because we have vile sagging wallpaper in the hall that we can't afford to replace.

Blu · 22/03/2004 14:08

She's a true freelancers daughter: waiting for a royalty cheque before you can use them!

I can see why you would find this a perterbing reaction. Perhaps next time she brings a painting home you could ask her what she would like to do with it now, which might give you a clue as to her expectations.

DS never seems to see his works as finished, static objects, he fiddles with them, paints all over them or cuts them up. He has a magnet board in his room so that he can put things up and destroy them at will.

tigermoth · 23/03/2004 08:08

perhaps she's angling for a portfolio to keep her pictures in?

Does she have her own special folder at the playgroup or childminders for her artwork? Can you make a similar one for home? Where does she like to keep her art work usually? (obviously not on the wall!)

Original poster

motherinferior · 23/03/2004 08:23

Well, as dd1 had done a rather nice painting yesterday I asked her, with great tact and sensitivity, what she wanted to do with it...and she said she'd like to put it on the wall in the Sistas' Room, as that would be Booterfull and not very Compercated. But by the time we'd walked home she'd diverted herself so much with her monologue on puppies, aliens and other subjects that she'd changed her mind.

So they're piled up in her room and I await her command. Business as usual, then!

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bloss · 23/03/2004 08:54

Message withdrawn

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