Young toddler crying a LOT, end of my tether, WHY?

[IdaClair]

Toddler is 19 months.

Cries a lot - at least half of all awake time is spent in full on screaming mode at the moment.

Doesn't eat much, has always cried through mealtimes since birth, is now at the point of getting excited about food, making yum yum sounds, sitting at table in anticipation, eats one mouthful, dumps the rest on the floor and cries inconsolably for a considerable time. There is no 'safe' food, nothing is guaranteed to be eaten, same reaction no matter what is served or how. Not easy to please on drinks either, will basically only drink milk or fruit juice, despite only water being offered with meals. I do not fuss about food, just serve, eat together, clear after a while, not bothered what is actually eaten as it will even out in the long run, but very bothered by the screaming and crying ruining every meal for everyone else. She is always bring in food items to me from the cupboards and I put out snack plates with these items on for no-pressure, whenever eating, but she cries about that too.

Cries through games and activities. Cries a lot at night. Has just cried because the ice cream van came - cried about the noise, cried about going out of the garden, cried about having no shoes on, cried because I spoke to the man in the van, cried because I bought her an ice cream. Refused to even touch it. Cried when I put her down to find a bowl to offer it in. Cried when I let her play in the garden, cried when I brought her back in. Asked for juice, cried when I gave it to her and threw it on the ground, spilt it everywhere, cried when I cleared it up.

There are only two things that will guarantee the screaming will stop and that is giving milk in a bottle or putting her in front of cbeebies for 10 minutes - both things I don't really want her to be doing, but I always end up giving in and doing one or the other just so she will stop screaming and crying and being so bloody unhappy, or so I can actually talk to another member of the family without constant shushing and dashing about trying to find out what it is she is crying about this time.

I am at the end of my tether after about an hour of her company and have been so close to losing my temper. Why is she always crying?

Dinner time, chicken pieces, salsa, breaded garlic mushrooms, steamed broccoli, apple and blueberry pie and cream. One piece of chicken was picked up and put to her mouth, then thrown on the floor. Everything else was thrown on the floor to minute it got near her, including cutlery, plates and cups, and she screamed and screamed. She would not stop even if sat on adults knee, if allowed to walk around with food, to serve herself, given one small thing at a time, whatever. OH ended up having to take her in the front room as her screaming was wrecking it for everyone else. Thirty minutes later she has not stopped crying and honestly I feel sick. It's a bloody good diet to have someone screaming at you every meal time.

Please tell me why this is happening.

Is it a recent thing?

I would take her for a check up with a gp.

Is there any chance that her mouth could be sore? Teething? Mine does the same whinging when teeth (I am guessing) playing her up. A dose of nurofen has an amazing effect on her mood, which leads me to thinking that it must be teeth again.

Also, could she be overtired? Does she still nap/sleep well at night? Tiredness can make them so cranky and definitely turn them off food...apart from the comforting bottle of milk. Hope you find a resolution here.

Sounds like she is in pain :(

Could be teeth, or some sort of allergy causing colitis of her guts?

Honestly, I have no idea, but I'm not surprised you are run ragged.

That's a lot more crying than I would expect for a child of her age.

GP is a good idea as a first port of call.

Is she underweight?

Sensory issues is my only thought.

My DD has been like this for a while. She's now 21 months. Most days she'll be crying about something random the minute she's out of her cot in the morning and it just goes on. By 8am on Saturday we'd already had four massive crying fits over I don't even know what! It's very exhausting. Possibly a girl thing....my son is only 10 months and has been showing a fierce temper since birth, he already throws himself around screaming and tries to kick and hit. DD has never really gone in for that sort of thing (yet!).

We tend to use timeout for it because it's the only thing that works and she doesn't need to cry as much as she does; a lot of the time there are no tears, it's just noise. It seems very manipulative a lot of the time, crying fits over not getting what she wants 99.9% of the time; I read somewhere that some kids use these instead of the traditional tantrum. Timeout cracks it pretty fast and she'll wail for a bit but then stop. We find the issue with all the crying is the more attention we provide the worse it gets, so timeout gives her a chance to calm herself down. If she starts again once she rejoins us, back she goes. Cuddling her during the crying fits hasn't helped, it just seems to feed them. She's very bright and understands the concept of having time to calm herself down.

I know how hard it is, DH is fed up at weekends within about half an hour whilst I put up with it all week long.

It is not a recent thing, it is fairly constant. Like anything she has better days and worse days, or times when something catches her interest and she's ok for a bit, but her default position is crying a lot of the time. She has always struggled with eating even as a tiny with severe reflux needing lots of meds for her first 8-9 months, but she is rarely sick now.

Calpol/nurofen make no difference to the way she acts.

She is not underweight, 25th percentile or so which is a good place given her build and that of her siblings etc.

She naps a good 2-3 hours in the day, and a broken 11 hours at night - she has slept through a handful of times but usually wakes at least once on a good night. Bad nights are characterised not by number of wakings but by the length of them, a bad night is when she won't go back to sleep and is up for 2-3 hours each time she wakes. She can get really hysterical.

Using time out is way out of my comfort zone when it comes to dealing with an upset 1 year old. Sure, a change of scene can help, change activity, room, go for a walk etc, and as I type she has recovered from 'dinner' time and is actually fine for now.

It is not a girl thing. I don't even know if it is a thing, but trust me it is nothing to do with her genitals.

Did you ever consider the root cause of the reflux, maybe a milk allergy? My boy twin was like this until we went dairy-free with him.....it can do a lot of damage to their guts in the long term if left undealt with.

Thank you fresh, I did an elimination diet as first port of call for her reflux, so hopefully have ruled that out, but I will read around and see - would there be any other symptoms, do you know?

I agree that 19 months is young to understand time out, there are children who would understand at that age, my own ds wouldn't grasp it though.
When ds tantrums I ignore and this has had a massive effect on the amount of and length of his tantrums, but I think in the case of your dd you very much need to rule out anything making her feel crap first.
I think its possible when toddlers and children cry so often for a genuine reason it can become their go to action even when they feel better, habits can set in very fast.
Agree with poster who suggested maybe teething, also when my ds had reflux a friend who is a community nn suggested I keep an eye out for signs of the silent acid reflux, apparently if left unchecked can effect the esophagus make eating uncomfortable.

Has she got her molars? Sounds like mine wen he was getting his molars. No pain relief helped, he just cried at everything.

you poor thing. I second third fourth taking her to the doctor. To check on the allergy potential - have you tried Piriton? If she calms quickly after having it you might want to get her formally tested.

I also use time out with my DD, which consists of sitting quietly with her on my lap, facing the wall so it is dull, and counting slowly. By the time we get to 10 she is usually calm and is ready to tell me so (she's 18 mths). It interrupts her tantrum (which is a throw everything and hit mummy style scenario) and seems to help her get it together.

I wonder about sensory issues too. Clothes too tight, too loose to scratchy or something like that? Noise, light, colours, smells etc all affect us in completely different ways and our tolerance for these things is different too.

Or pain? I would go to the doc too.

@IdaClair I know this post was a long time ago! But do you still remember this and what age it was when you girl got better? X

Could potentially be teething or maybe even reflux. I wouldn’t feel bad about the bottle of milk it won’t do any harm if anything it will benefit your LO especially if they’re not eating much at meal times. Maybe try giving bottle of Aptimal Anti-Reflux, i found this was best on the market for reflux. Also try giving LO a teetha teething powder. It’s chamomile natural ingredient, helps calm them down as well. Maybe you’ll be able to get more food down them at meal times if you give them one just few mins before trying to serve food. This is temporary, it won’t last forever. Hang in there mum. You’re doing a fantastic job!