How can we help our baby to learn to settle herself to sleep?

[Utka]

DD2 is just 4 weeks old. She's very alert during the day, and is feeding well, but seems to have real difficulty in falling asleep by herself. She never just 'drops off' in the moses basket or chair - she always seems to need some sort of assistance - generally being held by one of us, and she seems to have a real aversion to being on her back. She falls asleep easily in our arms, but much as I love holding her, this is becoming rapidly very impractical, especially with a 3 year old to manage during the day and at bedtime too.

Once asleep, and finally in the carrycot, she's happy to sleep for ages, and on her back. I am then having to wake her for feeds, as she's quite content to go about 4 hours otherwise.

Dh and I have tried letting her cry, but feel uncomfortable doing this for very long at this early age. We are going in to her every 5 mins or so, to reassure, and check for the usual culprits, such as wind, dirty nappy etc, but wonder whether these interruptions are actually making things worse. Maybe we should just let her cry for 15-20 mins to start off with, and it would all then be over quite quickly? At the moment, it's taking a good 1.5 hours in total to settle her in the evening, and I worry that she's just becoming overtired from all the palava.

She was 10lb 9oz at birth, and is now well over 11lb, having put on a good amount each week, so hunger doesn't seem to be the problem.

DD1 was the same, needing a short 10 minute shout before conking out at each nap, but our memories fail us as to when we started to let her do this.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I think she's far too young to expect her to go down just like that in the evening. At the moment I would just go with the flow, let her fall asleep how she wants to. Have you tried the Gina Ford routines? Not my thing at all, but from what I've heard very helpful in getting a baby to fit into routines, without resorting to letting them cry.
I think her crying for 1.5 hours, even if you keep going in, is really sad. She's only just come out! I don't mean to upset you, just want to point out that the world is still a very new place to her and she needs you, your physical presence, at this stage. When you leave the room, she has no idea that you're coming back, no understanding of time - so you coming back in after 5 mins is no good to her.

I'm probably not much help as DS1+2 would only sleep in my or DH's arms, however DS3 is very different and we can put him to bed awake and he'll get himself to sleep, it it such a novelty as I honestly thought there was some magic trick that I didn't know about that gets babies to settle themselves. He is soooo different to his brothers it's amazing.
DS3 was much older that 4 weeks probably nearer 8 or 10 before he started settling himself, she's only tiny so maybe just keep on with the 'arms' for a while longer and trying again in a few weeks. Enjoy the cuddles.

You've had great advice here which I can't add anything to. But do remember that she's only been out of your womb for 4 weeks and in it for the whole 9 months of her life so far. In there she didn't have to cry for anything, it all just happened automatically and she was continually held by your body. Of course it will take her a while to become able to sleep on her own. You have to help her by either holding her or making her feel held, i.e. by swaddling etc. I always let my dd fall to sleep on me, then when she was about 3 months old she started sucking her thumb and went to sleep that way. It's totally impossible for such a small baby to learn bad habits, they just need your love and response. I definitely wouldn't leave her to cry, she's too young to learn from it. Wait until she's over 3 months. For now just think of her as still a part of you that needs a part of you for this short time to make her feel secure.

have you tried rubbing a piece of fabric or dd's favourtie bear over the back of your neck/boobs/under armpits. or alternatively pop it in your bra during day then give it to baby when she is falling asleep? your scent may help comfort her. remember not to wear deo/perfumes

I have to disagree with Evita here ... sorry .... tiny babies do learn habits .....
Due to health issues my DS (now 4 years old) only ever fell asleep by being held and rocked ... and then as soon as the movement finished he would wake up and howl ...
By the time he was 10 weeks old DH and I were on our knees ... DS never ever slept for longer than 1 hour at a time and then would be awake for 2 screaming unless he was rocked ...
So we had to teach him to settle himself and it was hell.
This is why I decided with DD to start from the beginning with getting her to learn ... much easier than doing it later ...
I always encourage her to stay awake for a bit after a feed so that she doesn't get used to falling asleep on the breast ... I very rarely feed her to sleep ... which is another thing I did with DS and that was a contibutary factor of my stopping b/fing very early with DS ....
I understand that they are very young and that they have been used to being in the womb etc ... so that is why I take the 'gently gently' approach in that I hold her close until just before she falls asleep and then I gently put her down ...
I am a firm believer in swaddling ... which hleps with the 'womb' thing ....

My only bit of advice, well experience is that between 3 and 8 weeks my dd would be similar to yours. The worst part though was after the 10pm feed, she would just about fall asleep and then wake up and start yelling. In the end for about a month the only way to sleep was with her on my chest. She wouldn't even let me lie down, I had to sit up. Finally by about 7 - 8 weeks she started to settle better and suddenly it was sorted.

Personally I feel 'training' her now is a little early. Getting into a routine of settling is not a problem, but don't leave her to cry it out yet. Perhaps for a few weeks your partner could deal with the older one in the evenings, and leave you to sort of the baby. In a few weeks I am sure things will have changed anyway.

We found the GF routines helpful, and I think we started them at about 5-6 weeks (took dd to Oz at 10 weeks so was looking to get her into a routine to help her adjust once we got there). We never followed them religiously, but what we did find was that the GF sleep timetable was something which dd fell into very easily, and they really did seem to co-incide with when she was tired. Ghosty's point about not being overtired is a good one - we always found it more difficult to put dd down if we had missed the slot by too much. We also used to let her grizzle for a few minutes, although I was never any good at leaving her if she was really upset. Good luck!

thanks for the comments so far. DD1 was a 'model' GF baby (we followed the routines generally, rather than religiously though). She fell into the routines from 2 weeks, so I guess that's why I'm a little worried about what's happening with DD2.

I'm not that set on a routine, but just found it worked with DD1 - natural sleep and feeding times etc. I'm not trying to sleep train DD2 (I too think it's too early), but when I've been carrying her in my arms for 10+ hours, unable to put her on her back because she screams as if in pain, I do wonder whether she's one of those babies who just needs to have a shout before going off to sleep.

We went to a cranial osteopath today, and had a very interesting session. She observed that DD2 has severe pressure in her head due to compression of the plates, and that she basically has a terrible headache. The first treatment seems to have made things a bit worse (but we were warned to expect this), so watch this space