Vindaloo - if you are still here - this is for you

[Bugsy2]

First of all, I'd like to say sorry that your original question has been hijacked by the smacking vs not-smacking debate. I feel partly responsible because Kittywits threw down the gauntlet & I picked it up.
As far as your worries go, I think that there is no simple answer.
I am a single mum of two children. My ex-H bailed out when my DD was 14 months & DS was 3yrs 7 months. DS went from being a happy, normal 3 year old into a child possessed by the devil. If I had smacked him for seriously bad behaviour, he would have been a walking welt & I would have had repetitative strain injury. I was at my wits end, I spent the whole day telling him off & his behaviour was getting worse & worse & worse.
I ended up in a child psychologists office & very slowly we started the long climb out of the pit of despair to where we are today.
I did lots of things. First of all I tried to work out where the day fell apart the worst. Secondly, I thought of how I was going to tackle the bad behaviour (sanctions). Thirdly, I looked at ways I could start being more positive towards DS. Fourthly, I put a structure in place for each day. Fifthly, I worked out a consistent bedtime routine. Sixthly, I thought out meal & snack times better. Seventhly, I worked out ways in which DS could get more exercise. Eighthly, I thought about me.
That is just a brief outline of all the things I put into place to help us get back on track. I could go into each point in loads more detail & there are lots of other small things I did too.
If you feel anything I have may be of use, please feel free to ask me more. Once again sorry about your original thread.

hello, I'm new to the site and chat rooms in general so forgive me if I do not make sense. I also wanted to offer my support to vindaloo. I am a mum to two boys and I know exactly what it is like to hit in anger. I have found myself doing it more than once, and the guilt is terrible, especially as it is the result of some final staw action that I would not even tell him off for. What has helped me recently is chosing one method (we are trying the put him in his cot and leave him for 1.5 minutes) and do it consistantly, having that to fall back on even though it does not always work and he may be laughing in his cot, makes me feel more in control of the situation, and less liely to loose it. Also I noticed that people were recomending that you talk to your gp, I definately recomend this. I spoke to mine,as i was feeling very low and isolated as well, and he refered me to the community mental health team, who then put me in a coping with motherhood support group. It is wonderful to be with a group of people who also get it wrong at times. Good luck anyway, and remember we all loose it at times and there are far more people out there who have done the same thing than you think. they are good mums too just like you are.