I think DD1 is stealing money from me

[AmeliaToppingLovesShopping]

A couple of time in the last fees months I have thought I should have had money than I did in my purse but wasn't sure.

Yesterday I had £10 and used around £3 to buy my DM a birthday present so had at least £6 in my purse.

I haven't spent anything since as I was keeping it for a club I go to with DD3 on Monday mornings.

I have just looked in my purse and there is nothing on there.

She is at school now so I can't speak to her about it until later.

She has been caught out with this in the past as well as taking chocolate and sweets from her little sisters.

Just don't know what to do.

My tax credits went up this month so I can afford it at the moment.

ExMIL owns her own business so as long as she behaves she should have a little job but probably not until she is 14 possibly 15.

Thank you for the advice it has been very helpful.

At the moment I either I buy her clothes or she gets them as presents. I also buy all her toiletries and pay for her to have keyboard lessons at school.

In the past I have paid for her to have private tuition and we were out most days during half term even if it was just for a picnic in the park. I don't think she goes without.

we have had this problem with one of our children and we were advised ( by a professional) not to punish as this can sometimes increase the child's sense of shame and self loathing, which can then be an ever increasing circle.Instead we should seek to reward the not stealing with a financial reward, you would have to decide what is appropriate, and let her know that you want to be able to trust her, and then she should be rewarded for not abusing that trust. This obviously depends on you knowing to the penny, what you have in your purse at any one time, and also your other childrens piggy banks etc.

See this is why I get confused! Do I punish her or not?!

There are times I really don't like being a parent

I had this with my DD who is now 16. She was 11 at the time and I came down on her like a ton of bricks. It never happened again. I made my DD write a letter explaining why stealing was wrong and this probably bored her so much that it cured the issue

So, my advice would be to sit her down so she knows it's 'serious' and give her a proper bollocking explaining what happens to people who steal. I'd then send her to her room.

The next day I'd open up a discussion with her about pocket money. For a 12 year old I'd consider a fiver a week as reasonable, linking it in with jobs around the house so she's not getting it for nothing. If you can't afford a fiver a week , consider doing it differently - so maybe £15 a month which will sound like loads to a 12 year old but in reality is only a few pounds a week.

I'd not be too worried tbh - it's really normal stuff but it needs nipping in the bud now. My dd had taken a twenty pound note from my purse so rather more than yours ( not that this is particularly relevant ) and I'd noticed money missing for a month or so prior to that. Honestly, I leave money lying about all the time now and she is completely trustworthy. You can turn this around

( she would still have her brothers chocolate however and not confess to that ! )

The egg doesn't bother me she was given one as well that I hadn't given her so DD3 can have that.

Thank you for your experience, it has been helpful.

Don't know if it helps, but my 12 yr old gets £12 per month.

I have spoken to DD1 and she admitted it straight away, though didn't really any choice as it was obvious. She also admitted having taken money before.

I have explained why this is not acceptable and given her the consequences which she has accepted without argument.

I have mentioned giving her pocket money and that she will need to use that to pay me back. All of this has been accepted by her.

Thank you everyone for your help with this.