omg! 4 yr old not dressing herself!!

[not2nitedarling]

Well this morning has been a nightmare. I try to encourage independent skills but would she even try this morning.? NO!! has taken an hour to get dressed this morning and many shouty sessions and tears!. Have banned tv all day! She's 4 and I'm 42 and I really wish I could rewind as I would do it so differently. ARGHHHHHHHHH!

My daughter at that age wouldn't get dressed in the mornings either, so at the teacher's recommendation we took her to school in pajamas one morning. The teacher made a big fuss about it, and from then on she got dressed.

Is she at school? She is probably quite tired if so.

I put clothes out the night before for my 3 DC and they get dressed after breakfast. 6yo dresses himself in 2 mins flat. 2yo needs me to dress her.
My 4yo (in Reception) is in between - perfectly capable of dressing himself, but sometimes takes ages to do it, and until the last month or two, often I would dress him.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Accept that some days she's a bit tired/difficult. I would put clothes out, and have a regular time when dressing needs to happen. Give her 5 mins to get started herself, if not, you dress her (which my 4yo found quite irritating). Just be matter of fact about it, and eventually she'll do it herself. It's not worth tears and shouting.

Lasting The teacher suggested that? Seems very harsh for a 4yr old.

I was a bit worried about this with my 4.6 year old, but for the last few months I have been only 'half' helping him for each item. So, I would put the neck of the teeshirt on, but leave him to do the arms. Help him put his feet in the trouser legs, but leave him to pull them up.

Suddenly, last week, he began wanting to do it himself and has done it most days since! (touches wood in case she jinxes it!)

What about using a sand clock or funky looking timer and reward with playtime afterwards?

I had to dress both of mine this morning (dds aged 5.4 and 3.11). So long as they're dressed and on time for school I don't really care how it happens. Is it really worth the stress?

I used to dress DS because otherwise he would flop about saying "I can't" "I've forgotten how to do it" "I can't find any trousers" etc. I got really resentful when I realised that on the mornings DH got him ready, he got dressed by himself! So one day I just said nope, I'm not helping you any more, you're a big boy, you can do it yourself. I still helped with tricky things like buttons and zips and socks but I just told him to do the rest by himself and after a couple of days of whining and flopping around he just got on with it.

It can help to have a "race" as well? "Bet you can't get dressed before me!" (then obviously you let them win, but if they're slowing down then you can motivate them by saying "I'm going to beat you!")

It might be a bit overwhelming for her to choose clothes and dress herself - could you get her to choose her outfit for the morning the night before and put it somewhere easy to get to?

My DD was resistant to dressing self at age four. I waited until she was five, and then insisted she learn to do one item at a time. Eg start to put own knickers on, then next week add in trousers, etc

It isn't worth the fight just dress them while smiling and joking and enjoying the time together.

Children that age still really appreciate parental attention. They don't want to be grown up all the time.

Thanks girls x

It was a combination of me being stubborn and dd not wanting to even try!! She can put her knickers on, loose trousers or shorts. Also put tops on but all when in the right frame of mind and when I'm being more supportive.
We were not in a rush as is still school hols here. It is just infuriating when she wont try!!! Had a rant and feel better. We have a nice chilled brekkie together. And have played snap, Minnie mouse till shop, refreshed my vase of flowers together and so on. xx

Sounds good not2nite. Btw, I have found I get most co-operation from DC on things like this when I say

• 'When you've got dressed, we'll do xxx' (xxx obv being something they REALLY want to do).

If they start shouting 'Don't want to get dressed!', I just say calmly,

• 'That's fine, we don't have to do xxx now. When you do want to get dressed, then afterwards we can do xxx'

If they moan that they want to do xxxx straightaway without getting dressed, I say, brightly,

• 'Yes, xxxx is really fun isn't it, I can't wait to do it either. I hope you get dressed really soon so that we can do it!'

You get the picture. The key is to stay calm and be 'on their side' as if the rule of getting dressed first is some universal rule, not one you've chosen. ('oh, i really wish we could do xxxx first too, but we can only do xxx when you're dressed, let me know when you are!') It is really effective. The key is that they feel in control of making the decision to get dressed (even though you've loaded it massively). Wouldn't do it if you've got a deadline, because sometimes it takes a while, but if you're still on hols could be worth a try.

My 8 year old DSD won't dress herself. I know she can but she's lazy & would rather daddy did it for her. We've taught her to tie her shoelaces but most of the time she pretends she can't. Tbh it's more a problem with DH rather than DSD because he just wants to do everything for her (he's only just stopped wiping her bum after a poo)
I just keep quiet & tell myself that soon she won't want her dad putting her knickers on for her. (I hope)