HELP ME! Listing my sons behavior traits here anyone else experienced all of these??

[mummygoingmad1]

After my post the other night , a ranting distressed post, I AM going doctors tomorrow, and today for the first time my gran witnessed my sons behavior towards me! I have listed his bad traits out and dont want him to be labeled, as feel this is done to too many kids, but wondered if other mums had all these symptoms from their children and what they know of it!

*actively refuses to comply to requests and rules

• doesnt listen
• does actions just to annoy me
• does silly things he knows are wrong ( today he tore a ten pound note in two)
• often argues with me
• gets very angry
• loses his temper often
• blames imaginary friend for what he does 'Johnny hoo-has pressed a button which made me do it!'
• fidgety
• wont concentrate on games, drawing, puzzles, phonics etc.... BUT is bright!
• restless
• tires easily ( i once thought he had a immune system problem as until he was three we were admitted to hospital around once a month)
• Bags under eyes ( he has a solid bedtme routine and gets enough sleep)
• Hits, kicks, bites, scratches, spits, head butts, hair pulls, charges at me, and swears
• always wants to role play, but be the 'baddy' so role plays aggressively, I DO NOT indulge him in this!!

BUT nursery say he is a angle, a credit to me, compassionate, considerate, caring and was shy but coming into himself more now!

He is four ( five in September)

No expert, but a lot of that sounds like ADHD and other things could be because he finds life hard. I know it is a label but sometimes a label is just about making sense of things.

BUT ... not a doctor! See your GP or talk to you sons key worker at nursery.

I really have no experience or expertise about this but one thing occurred to me - bags under eyes can be a sign of a food allergy, which can lead to all kinds of behavioural problems. They can also cause tiredness and a deficient immune system. It might be worth getting him checked for allergies to wheat, dairy foods, etc.

Completely agree with the food allergy possibility. In my experience the NHS wasn’t very good on this front and very dependent on who you saw. 2 of my 3 children had food intolerances.
If a child is ADHD then that is a neurological issue and ADHD children tend to be ADHD in all settings and your child isn’t like this at school. Sorry to say this but it sounds as though it is an issue within the relationship. Ask your GP to refer to your local CAMHS. Your son sounds angry and needing to attract your attention whatever the outcome. He is really pushing you. Have you heard of the book ‘A volcano in my tummy? It is a great book. There are others for parents on anger management. Good luck
Teresa

"* does actions just to annoy me

• does silly things he knows are wrong
• wont concentrate "

Just wanted to pick on these things that I suspect may be influencing how you respond to him.

At the age of 4, he is only interested in meeting his own needs. He isn't doing things to deliberately annoy you, unless by doing those things, your reaction meets his need. His need may be for attention and he knows that by doing particular things, you will pay him lots of attention. It's a more guaranteed way of getting mum's attention that any other way he knows.

How is he supposed to comprehend that ripping up a £10 is so wrong? He may know that you told him not to but his level of comprehension of what money is and what value it has, is virtually nil.

Won't concentrate? or just doesn't really enjoy those activities?

I would agree that food allergies or intolerances may be worth investigating. I also think you need to look at how you respond to his behaviour. If he gets lots of attention for all the things he does that you don't like, then he will do them more, regardless of how bad that attention is. Try to ignore as much of the stuff you don't like as you can (obviously you need to keep him and you safe), then tell him what you DO want from him and give him lots of positive attention for anything he does that you like, making it clear to him what you are praising him for.

Ask at your local Children's Centre about parenting courses, there are some really good courses that can help you manage some of this behaviour, and whether or not there is an underlying cause (like ADHD), you still need to manage his behaviour.