DD, 21 Months and hitting. Am lost.

[McIngOutTheEasterBunny]

Dd has been very poorly lately, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. But worth mentioning now so I don't stealth later.

In the last week she has changed from my 'baby' in to a stroppy toddler. She's hitting, which I'm finding really hard to deal with. If she's cross though, she's hitting herself across the body, round her face and over her head. Now, if I wasn't with her 99% of the time I would be worried that she had seen or been part of this behaviour somewhere else. Sometimes she'll go to hit me, but I drag out the mummy stare and she leans in for a quick hug instead .

We've tried ignoring, or telling her to stop, and that she'll hurt herself. But nothing seems to deter the behaviour.

Is this normal development? I can't believe I'm actually asking this. I've been a qualified child carer for 20 years, but my own daughter has me stumped

If any one has anything to offer, I'm willing to try/listen to

Thanks

Totally normal! It's a phase, it'll pass, don't give it too much attention. Distraction might work too.

Yeah, my DS1 certainly went through a hitting stage. Still does when he's overtired (22 months now), but is generally much better. Only advice I can give is this...

make sure she's getting enough sleep / naps. A major trigger for us is tiredness. The illness will certainly be part of it.

make sure she's not hungry.

teach 'gentle hands' to show her how to touch gently

learn to become ninja-like with distraction and snacks when you see that gleam in her eye!

It'll pass - but it's a nightmare until it does

It's the 'hitting herself' which I can't cope with. Especially when she's hitting her own face/head.

I took her to softplay this morning, and thankfully she's not hitting other children. Yet

My LO went through this from about 18 mths until 21 mths. She seems to have stopped it now. Shes not done it for a while. Shes 22 mths now. She wasn't hitting herself or others, just me. She would get really angry about something and lash out at me. I tried all the telling off, ignoring, explaining etc but nothing worked. The only thing that worked a bit was to put her in the corner immediately, get to her level and tell her "im putting you here because you hit me" and walk away and ignore her. Then she would instantly run after me saying "sorry" and crying and I would give her a cuddle and say ok but you mustn't hit, that made mummy very sad, then forget about it and move on. That's what the HV told me to do. TBH though it didn't stop her doing it again later. It was just a phase that lasted about 3 mths and even though you discipline it, it doesn't really stop them. They just grow out of it when theyre ready. Shes moved onto throwing herself on the floor during a tantrum now and refusing to move. That's better than her hitting me though! Theres always something isn't there?!

DS1 does on occasion hit himself, when frustration or tiredness gets the better of him.

We also have...banging the back of his head off the back of his high-chair seat repeatedly, throwing himself face first onto the sofa, dramatically collapsing to the floor and resting his head on the floor while sobbing etc.

We just ignore or look / sound unsurprised when he then complains / rubs whatever hurts.

I think it's just a combination of frustration, exploring an unfamiliar sensation of mild pain / discomfort repeatedly to see if it always feels the same (as they explore gravity through throwing / dropping etc) and an ability to get attention and to see if we always react the same.

My 18 month old ds2 is the same. Nothing I've tried has stopped him hitting himself or my older DCs.

All of my DCs have been through this phase at different ages and nothing really seemed to stop it, they just grew out of it. My eldest was the worst, she'd constantly throw her head back against her car seat at about 20 months she gave herself a bump on the back of her head once and it still didn't stop her doing it next time.

I just tell him no every time he hits and either move him away from whoever he's hitting or put him down if he's hitting me. Eventually he will stop doing it as my older ones did.

DD started this at about 13 months, and still does it occasionally at 17months, mostly to herself, which is the worst. If she hits me, DH or DMum, we say no and put her down and/or walk away. She does not like this. And this is really why she graduated to hitting herself! The only thing we've found that works for this is totally ignoring it, not even reacting with our faces. This is hard when there are other people about, because people will comment on it and try to discourage her from doing it, which just makes her do it more. It's sad and I hate her being so hard on herself. And I'm not sure where she got the idea to do this from as she doesn't see anyone hitting.

She just goes through little phases of doing this from time to time and we just ignore, ignore, ignore. Hopefully she'll totally grow out of it soon.