My nearly 2.5yo DS has lost the plot and I don't know how to handle it.

[pigwidgeon991]

We started potty training a few months ago following some interest from him and it went extraordinarily well. He took to it straight away and we had probably two accidents in a few months. About a week or so ago he suddenly started hating and refusing to go on the potty and having accidents left right and centre.

He has also been sleeping appallingly over the last month or so. Literally up all night screaming (have tried CIO, CC, sitting with him etc).

Then over the last few days he has taken a real turn in personality. He has always been quite stubborn and strong willed but we had established a good situation by being quite strict (I.e. Ignoring any tantrums, consist with the naughty step if did naughty things on purpose three times in a row). But now he is going absolutely berserk at the slightest thing and working himself into a frenzy. For example, last night he wanted to wear a t shirt that was dirty so we put it in the wash together and I explained that it would be clean tomorrow etc. I would obviously not expect him to fully understand this and not be surprised at him being frustrated etc but it escalated incredibly quickly into total hysteria that would not stop for 45 minutes. This seems to be happening really often (can last pretty much the whole day). He seems absolutely beside himself and inconsolable. But he is also capable of being incredibly jolly.

I know that is likely because he is very tired and it is a cycle but have found it happens even on the rare nights when we only have one quick wake up.

I do work full time but have since he was very small so can't think that would be a factor? He has been at his nursery for about four months and mostly really loves it. We do have a new baby on the way which I'm sure means something but would it have this extreme an affect?

Any advice or ideas about why this might be happening much appreciated!

OK this is my last post but I must respond to you Isitme - I am a little puzzled as to your comment "it went beyond the age relevant to me at that point" because there is nothing in the book related to specific ages and stages, other than the mention of babies and children of course.

I suspect you are trying to "blind me with science" but I must point out that the experiment was not conducted by the author of the book which is why I included the name of the study (Dettler et al 1999) The cortisol samples were saliva samples and not brain scans (far too costly and invasive for children)

The study was carried out by the following:

Dept of Human Biology, Cornell University, Ithaca, New York, USA
Harlow Centre for Biological Psychology, University of Winsconsin USA
Dept of Psychiatry University of Colarado, Denver, USA.

It involved 63 children between the ages of 3 and 4 and cortisol levels were taken at 10.30 a.m 3.30 p.m. and 8.00 p.m Obviously all parents gave their permission. The children in day care attended a very high quality center with high staff/children ratio, and not neglected/institutionalised children. Elevated levels of cortisol were found in the majority of children in the day care setting as opposed to children at home with "good enough" parents.

Maybe you need to take the book from your bookshelf and have another look!

Nana you think I'm trying to blind you with science? I was thinking about the idea that the increased cortisol made permanent changes in the brain - but maybe I have got it all muddled.

The book made me feel a bit rubbish about my parenting and stressed. That kind of sums it up for me. And no, DS never went to nursery for more than a morning, a couple of times a week, from around 2.5yo. And she still managed to do my head in.

It's just that he's 2.5, OP. He'll be better in 6 mths.

Good luck.

NinaNana, perhaps let it go and if you want to discuss the ins and outs of childcare choices another thread would be best.

My DD is 2.4 and can have the most amazing tantrums. My favourite one so far has been just by the "Will you foster a child?" stand at a fun day. I get her to a safe place and ignore. The best place I have found is her cot as she likes it there and calms down really quickly once I am out of sight. I have found that trying to distract or talk to her makes it worse.

I do not make it a punishment, I carry her to the safe place (e.g. a patch of grass if outside where she can't hurt herself if she throws herself around) then I ignore and walk away if I can. I usually just say that I'll be back in a minute when she feels better and give her a kiss.

FWIW she has an interesting mix of care - nursery, her dad, me and grandparents, but she is happy and healthy, just a typical toddler. The nursery staff are great and know her so well. When she tantrums for them, they ask her if she wants a little lie down and she takes herself off to a quiet spot to do that until she's ready to join in again. Maybe you could ask your nursery their advice so you can have a consistent approach?

It could well be teething or a bug coming on if it's a sudden change. Has he got red spots on cheeks or any other symptoms?