Desperately need help with my nearly 3 year old. I fear he is going to seriously hurt someone.

[WaterLoadaCack]

I have a 2 year old who turns 3 next month.

The problem is simple. He throws toys. The bigger, the sharper, the more damage that can be done, the better.

He launches them at his 7 year old brothers head.

Usually this just happens about 5 times after school.

But now DS2 is off school it feels like it is all the time.

Ive tried distraction, Ive tried talking to him, Ive tried 2 minutes on the naughty step, Ive evern tried smacking his hand! Ive tried these consistently too, I dont try all those things in one day. Its been going on for weeks and I worry he will seriously damage my eldest son soon.

Ive tried splitting them up, Ive tried getting them to interact.

Its clear he does it for attention, he also does it when he doesnt get his own way.

He has launched toys into my face/head before too.

He is otherwise an alright kid, fiesty and wants his own way but nothing you wouldnt expect from a child his age.

Please dont suggest sticker charts.

Poor you, sounds hideous.

What about if he throws it you take it away for a few days.....

If he throws one of his brothers toys you take away one of his own instead.

Take the toy away, but give a warning. "DS2 don't throw that. If you do I will put it away for today" then just remove it and put it on a high shelf.

Repeat as necessary, even if the top shelf in your living room starts to stack up with toys.

Also try and distract him though - if he picks up a chuckable toy, show him a car or a puzzle or something in the garden and praise him when he's kind to his brother.

Have you tried either yourself or your older son pretending to be very hurt when he does it? Full on tears and whimpering? Might shock him a bit.

Sympathies - It would be easy to say he just needs more supervision - not left alone or within reach of throwable things but appreciate that's not possible at home with other children.

He doesnt just throw his own toys, he throws his brothers too. Or my phone. My my keys.

He wouldnt give a wotsit if I took his launched toy away, he'd throw away the nearest thing to his hand.

Tried distraction. But doesnt always work when Im not in the room.

He just threw a toy at me as I wrote that.

We havent had to pretend to be very hurt and cry, it happens on a daily basis. Genuine hurt and tears from his brother.

Right - so it's a habit that needs breaking.
What I would attempt to do (and I have a feisty, although not throwy 2 year old ds and a 5 year old dd so similar set up) is to see if you can have a couple of days when you spend as much time as possible away from throwable objects - get out early to the park, swimming pool etc and really praise the interaction between the 2 of them.

Keep him under a close watch in between times - can you strap him into buggy or highchair for short period when you can't be in the same room?

As much attention as you can give him - set up appropriate games with throwable toys and monitor very carefully with lots of praise for playing nicely with them.

And if a throw does sneak in then tell him off very firmly and give him a timeout.

Hmmm Im not sure it is habit per se. He just threw his brothers nurf gun at me because he was pissed off that his brother wouldnt give him a toy.

However, we were out all morning and all afternoon yesterday and toys and items dont get thrown then. The second we are home he starts though.

Rainy days are the worst.

We dont have a buggy or highchair, hes nearer 3 then he is 2 so we havent had those for a while.

Im buying my eldest son a doorstop so he can have safety away from him.

I wonder whether it is to do with struggling during unstructured time, if it tends to happen when you get home from school or outings? He might not know how to cope with free choices and unlimited time, so be showing frustration as anger? This is only a guess, you obviously know your DS far better; it's only an idea in case it helps

What happens with him if you have a bit of structure for his playing time, i.e. having set choices for set times? One family I knew had a lot of success with the following when their little boy kicked off after school every day and was really hard to manage:

1. Identify a maximum of three things he plays with moderately calmly
2. Make a picture of each of those three things, and put them on the wall/fridge
3. Explain to the child that after school there will be a [suitable fairly short] period of time for play. He can choose one of those three activities to do (so there's not too much choice, but he has some control)
4. Explain to him that the same regular things will happen after that playing time, i.e. then there will be tea / story time with you / whatever it is that you normally do. This way he might be calmer because he knows what's coming and that he doesn't have to make too many choices.

Every child is unique, and apologies if this is unsuitable for yours, but I hope it was worth sharing just in case it helps.

polka this might be a good idea actually.

When they boys are playing together and being as involved with one anothers game then there is little to no throwing.

It happens mostly when his brother isnt playing with him or paying him attention.

Does he always do it in anger or does he just like doing it? If the latter I suggest you look up 'trajectory schema'. Ds is 3.5yo and has gone through stages like this. Both his cm and nursery have said that his preferred method of play and learning is the trajectory schema - stuff that moves in lines or patterns, like running water, marble runs and throwing or kicking objects to see what happens. Clearly they need to know that throwing heavy objects, especially at other people, is not acceptable. So as well as telling ds what he can't do, we tell him what he can. So, don't throw that heavy toy it will hurt your brother/ the toy will break, but here is a soft ball and net - see if you can get the ball into the net from a distance. We let him play with running water a lot and have lots of toys relevant to the trajectory schema. He still throws stuff, just not as often.

Agree with what others have said.

-Talk to him and his brother about throwing toys and what will happen if it happens (I know his brother doesn't throw but talking to them both shows it's not acceptable full stop for anyone to throw rather than a rule just for ds2. Also introduce a star chart, every time they play nicely with a toy, they can each have a sticker/ tick etc. treat when they've got 5/10ticks :)
-Zero tolerance policy in place. Punishment needs to be something he can understand and immediate. E.g. Time on the naughty step.
-Every toy he throws is removed. I would do this very visually and put them in a black bin bag/ box and put of teach infront of him and say something like "mummy is putting this rocket in the bag because you threw it. We don't throw toys' or something similar. Or If it is something that doesn't belong to him, he is not allowed to touch it/use it for the rest of the day.
-it sounds like he's possibly jealous of ds1. It would be good for them to do some things together with you e.g. Baking, swimming, trip to the park, a walk etc (not involving toys) to help them bond and realise they can both have mummy time and share you.
-it isn't a quick fix and he will be resistant and probably throw more to see how far he can push you and whether you will keep taking the toys or just give up. He'll learn very quickly that he will continue to lose his toys if he throws.

• on the positive side, every time he plays nicely with a toy, I'd take a picture of him playing nicely and give him

A sticker on a chart. When he has got 5 stickers he can have a treat/one of the toys back from the bag!! I'd also do this for ds1 so you are modelling the positive praise etc and ds2 can hear and see it. I'd make it short sessions to start with and build up .g. Ds1 plays nicely for 5mins. Loads of praise "well done ds1 you are playing so nicely. Mummy is going to take a picture of you playing nicely with your toy and give you a sticker for your chart".

Sorry for the essay! .

We've had a thrower in ds, now 2.7yo. He's not so bad now but at one point it was his go-to response when pissed off or frustrated. One thing I read was to recognise his need to throw, but give him something more appropriate: e.g. Scrunch up paper and throw it at a bin, throw soft sponge balls/soft toys etc. we introduced a rule about only balls being allowed to be thrown (and not at people) but he seems to have grown out of it more or less.

Another thing to try you've probably tried everything is to voice the probable feeling but enforce the boundary. E.g. I can see you're frustrated because of xyz, but you know it's not okay to throw things. Taking the toy off ds never worked either as he'd just pick up something else...

I feel for you because it used to make my blood boil when he did it! Just remembered, we also taught him to stamp his feet or clap his hands when he was frustrated, as an alternative to throwing.

Also, does your ds get much rough and tumble time? It can help release frustration if done daily (only needs to be 5-10mins) but make sure you ask his permission first - mostly so he learns to ask the permission of other children unlike ds's friend who wrestles him to the floor without a word

it sounds partly as if it is attention seeking, as he is doing when his brother comes home from school and/or won't play with him

try to give him things to look forward to when his brother can't/won't play eg favourite dvd, reading a book with you, painting etc.

continue to be consistent with time out and taking his toys a way. sooner or later he will care that he has no toys left. DD2 can be like this and it is normally a combination of too much energy and boredom. time out combined with loss of toys and the loss of a privilege like helping 'cook' has helped her gradually learn. plus now i just threaten to lock her in the garden ;)

Do you still have his baby toys? I would take all the fun toys away and encourage your older child to sit up to the table with his toys.

Give your thrower the soft baby toys and explain that babies have to have soft toys because they don't understand that throwing is naughty and hurts people, give him one chance a day, after the first throw remove anything hard and put him on the floor with baby toys for the rest of the day.