"Explosive children" - anyone else got one ?

[BlueBeetle]

Hi everyone, Under my old name (Norah) I posted loads a few weeks/months back about my dd's apalling strops and tantrums ! She is almost 6 and has almost been dropped off at the children's home many times this holiday !

Anyway - I have been giving Amazon fantastic business buying parenting books this summer - and finally started reading one last night that seems to make sense ! It's called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene ! Basically he reckons that kids who act like this don't really know why they do it - but for some reason they can't process information quite correctly yet - almost like a developmental delay, and because they don't know how to handle situations, typically transitions from one situation to another - they feel extremely frustrated and so low up ! From what I've read so far it sums my dd up perfectly !

Am now moving on to the solution side of it - which seems to be the exact opposite of what we have been doing (which absolutely doesn't work on her) - 1-2-3 Magic and time outs, and is based more on helping her process the info and make the transitions !!

By transitions he means for example - she's watching TV and I call her for dinner - she doesn't want to make the transition - I insist, and she goes ballistic. Similarly for us - she is playing in the morning - I am asking her to get dressed - she blows up !!

Just wondered if anyone else has any experience of his methods/theories - or if you have an explosive child and how you handle them ?

Ah! bluebeetle I feel for you, I know it makes you feel like crap, but we are not robots! hormones are hormones whether we like them or not. I'm sure 80% of parents have reacted like this in the past, don't beat yourself up too much about it!

On the other hand thats why I'm interest in the 'explosive child' book, its so easy to go down the root you have this morning. (and myself)

I'm just so tired of getting cross, that I don't want my children to think this is normal behaviour, day in day out, I want them to understand communication and compromise! I realise we need an outlet of frustration, surely we can programme ourselves to do this in a more civilised manner!

Sounds easy I know, but I find it incredibly hard! you see these goody 2 shoes mum's who say don't do that darling, and I just want to scream, 'for god's sake stop it' so this book will be very telling on me, see if I can eat my words!

You were doing so well, don't forget you are changing your ways as well as training dd, spose you have to take it half a day at a time, and be proud of what you are doing, we obviously recognise the need to improve our parenting, thats a big first step. Congratulate yourself every tiny little improvement and ignore the steps back!

Good luck for the rest of the day!

Thanks sleepysooz,

I feel the same - I seem to spend all my waking hours shouting and then I wonder why she says she hates me ! I hated my mum too - and am still not very keen - but I am turning into her with her ridiculous controlling attitude !

Trouble is - I know I need to chill - but it's all so stressful ! And I really really need a bit of compliance in the morning ! Someone tell me she'll soon grow out of this please ?

Oh God - dh has just emailed me to say that this approach won't work as she thinks now she can get her own way - which is why she demanded the pink dress again today !

Am too tired to think !

Bluebeetle - keep it together, you know you are being the most responsible parent, don't let anything stop you at least trying this method.

Hang on in there!

God don't these DH cause just as much grief, its because they can't be bothered, they are more laid back than we are, they havent got the ability to forsee problems till they hit them in their faces.

Oh and don't forget, father daughter relationships can be very clicky, just like the mother son relationships!

Just ask him to back you up, try and explain calmly how important this is to you, and have you explained YOUR relationship with your own mum, and that you are worried you dd will think the same of you as you did her!

don't forget, your dd didn't actually win this morning

Bluebeetle, I have just been on a thread - Behaviour/development - slapping or no slapping, wow I'm worn out reading it. Think I'll stick to your book! (I'm envious of parents that can keep control) just how do they do it! - we can do it, we can do it, we can do it, 2 months time we'll be reformed charachters, (if our DH support us, NOT)

roisin - If you are still watching this thread, thanks for the book, I have my nose glued to it, finding very interesting, and realise alot of children are explosive but can learn coping strategies.