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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD 2 refusing to go in carseat, any advice please?

16 replies

Jemster · 09/04/2014 18:22

My dd is just 2 and has started refusing to let me strap her in to her carseat. We're talking full on meltdown here, screaming, thrashing around, arching her back. I know to most people they would probably just persist and get her in but I have sore and not very strong hands due to arthritis. It is exhausting me trying to get her in and so stressful with screaming loudly and people watching me struggling with her.
The other day I was battling for about five minutes and just didn't know what to do as obviously I can't get home until she's strapped in. Eventually I managed to do it but it was very awkward for me and I just got home and cried as felt such a failure.

I'm sure this is a normal part of being a two year old but can anyone offer any advice as to what to do when she does this?

OP posts:

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fempsych · 09/04/2014 18:26

I think these battles are often about control so maybe you could try to let her get herself into the car seat, find the straps to give to you etc, or perhaps a game where she gets in the passenger side and climbs over into her car seat..anything which breaks up the control battle she might associate with the car seat? Or maybe play some games in the house where she has all the control and tells you what to do? Hope that might at least give you something to try?

stressbucket1 · 09/04/2014 19:19

Distraction with a biscuit or chocolate buttons? Or new cd for the journey?

Delphiniumsblue · 09/04/2014 19:21

A good case for bribery!

Delphiniumsblue · 09/04/2014 19:22

Have something nice to eat and if she still resists strap yourself in and eat it, saying what a pity it is only for those strapped in.

Original poster

Jemster · 09/04/2014 19:25

Thanks look like I need to stock up on chocolate buttons then!

OP posts:

hotcrosshunny · 09/04/2014 22:03

Let her get in and let her try. Five mins isnt that bad either. I'd also give her your phone or something as distraction.

ExcuseTypos · 09/04/2014 22:08

Yes bribery usually works!

KuppiKahvia · 09/04/2014 22:12

Special (highly desired) toy that is only for the car, once strapped in?
It is a control thing, she will get over it :)

sittingatmydeskagain · 09/04/2014 22:22

Just about every parent I know went through this.

Various techniques - bribery with chocolate buttons, or special toy, were popular.

Personally, I used to try and put them in. If they refused, I would tell them we weren't going anywhere until they were in. Then stand outside and chat to random passers by until they got bored.

Stripytop · 09/04/2014 22:31

we used to have this with our dd when she was about this age. We tried everything we could think of but getting her in the car was a ridiculous battle and once in, she was perpetually miserable and demanding to get out.

Much later when she had progressed to a 'big girl' car seat and her language skills were much better she was able to tell me that the old seat dug into her back!! I had always assumed she was just resistant to it as it was so restricting and felt awful when she said this.

So maybe just to rule this out, borrow a car seat off a friend for a few days to see if anything changes.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/04/2014 07:30

When they are older I do the 'we are not moving until you are in' and read a book and ignore until they get totally bored, but at 2 yrs they are a little young and just withholding something desirable until they are in is quicker. Hopefully it soon becomes routine.

Original poster

Jemster · 10/04/2014 07:40

Thanks for all the replies and ideas. I know 5 minutes may not seem long but it is when your hands hurt and she keeps pushing & banging them. I haven't much strength in them so I find it physically challenging.
I do sometimes let her climb in and she is better then but sometimes we're in a rush and I have to put her in.

OP posts:

neontetra · 10/04/2014 07:45

How verbal is she - is she able to explain, in simple terms, why she doesn't like it? Does she say anything in relation to going in it, or just cry? Just thought it might help to pin down whether she finds it painful, frightening, doesn't want to go home yet etc, in terms of identifying best solution.

Original poster

Jemster · 10/04/2014 07:48

I think it's mainly just that she wants to do it herself. The climbing in is fine but she wouldn't be able to do the straps up.

OP posts:

hotcrosshunny · 10/04/2014 07:51

She sounds like a typical two year old. Let her have a go - I remember this with ds and dd is doing it now. So you let them have a go. If you're in a rush you give them something to distract. Yes there might be crying but sometimes it cannot be avoided.

sittingatmydeskagain · 10/04/2014 20:57

If that's the problem, then just try "wow, can you really climb in on your own? You put this strap in, I'll do the other and we'll race". Just let her think she's doing it.

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