Behavioural problems

[ilovemulberry]

I have a set of twin nieces, 3 years old. One of them is the worst behaved child I have ever seen. My poor sister is at the end of her tether, I really don't know how she copes. Today was the worse to have seen, I have a 6 month old baby, he was on the floor today, she is usually very good with him. Today she was getting no attention, my sister and I were talking, she came over to the baby and purposely dropped a mug next to the baby, just missing babies head, she got told off and put on the naughty step, she would not apologise, she will sit there all day, she will even sit in her room for up to three hours before saying sorry! She uribates herself for attention, she bites other kids for attention. My sister thinks she has a behavioural disorder, I don't know if it's just naughtiness. Any one else had a child like this ? What punishment works? She just doesn't seem to care about anything.

Your poor sister. From what you say it sounds like the little girl is just trying to get attention. If she's one of twins, then she has to share the attention of her mother and get half of what she probably needs. Nobody's fault, just not enough hours in the day.

My daughter used to be really badly behaved if she was not getting attention from me or if daddy was away with work for a while. I found telling her off, and isolating her only made the behaviour worse. She's bite and push other children when were out for no reason.

Does your sister have anyone that can help her spend quality time with each child individually? Also, I don't what your stance on this would be - but I had amazing results after taking my daughter to see a Homoeopath and also making sure her diet was really good - e.g. no sugar, or food colourings / additives etc. She's now an amazingly calm and caring individual.

Yes I think it's hard being a twin, I feel sorry for the other girl too as she is always being pushed aside as my sister has to deal with the others challenging behaviour. I will talk to her about her diet ect but I think they eat quite well (only time she's good :) )

Thank you for your reply

Do they have a routine?

Do they get praised for good behaviour and shown how to behave?

Do they get enough sleep?

Do they get enough positive attention?

It sounds really difficult. Perhaps the punishment related method isn't working for her? I know I never forced mine to say sorry because it ended up turning into a pointless long battle. He says sorry now but means it.

It must be really really tough for her with two three year olds and a new baby. Maybe the twin is reacting to her new sibling? It sounds pretty normal for a 3 year old TBH and not anything to worry about but obviously it's quite stressful to deal with at the time!

I really like this:
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

The naughtiest child i have seen - about 3-4 is also a twin. I think he's a bit of a bully and not good at sharing.
I know i cant trust my 22m old around babies as they cant get away from the 'destruction'.

Is there any chance they are fulfilling expectations? Ie) twin a labeled the good twin. Twin b labeled the naughty twin. Often families do like to have a black sheep.

I'd say both twins needs more 1 to 1 time. Mother needs to bond with naughty twin more and try and see her positively.

Sounds like catch 22 with all the negativity and punishment. Can be hard to break the cycle but your sister needs to try a different tact.

Just read linked article about strong willed children - of which I have one. It talks of empathising, giving choices and being respectful to them. From experience I know this works.

Thanks all- will pass on to her. I have them both for the day next week, wish me luck