5 yr old hitting everyone and jealous of brother.

[5feralloinfruits]

Okay,i have children,all 6 and under,the youngest is 3 months.Its nto as mad as it sounds!

My second eldest,a boy,seems to be really jealous of his younger brother,who is 18 months (my second youngest)they are actually very similar in looks and personality,it seems to have developed since the dc4 has become more of a toddler and less of a baby,dc2 was smitten with him at first.

We have tried giving him special time on his own,with both of us or just one of us,and i feel day to day he gets as much if not more attention than the others,i'm just not sure what i can do,i am at the point now i cant leave him alone for a minute with his younger brother because he is always hitting him.

Has anyone got any ideas how i can stop this?I don't think being strict and telling him off really works,(although obviously i tell him he cant do that and that its not nice and that if he carries on dc4 wont want to play with him when hes older)that also seems to make him worse,maybe if i try to get the two of them out together somewhere?a trip to soft play or the beach at the weekend maybe?

He seems to have problems with other children in general,he loves my eldest and gets on with my daughter (dc3 who is 4)really well when its just the 2 of them but when they are altogether he is always hitting and scratching her too.He loves the baby.

He is home educated, i took him out of school after a term,partly because home education as something we had always thought about,partly because he wasnt' enjoying it and his brother was coming out anyway,but also because he was doing the same there,and he hasn't got any friends from school,my eldest still see's his friends from school all the time,but dc2 doesn't have anyone other than his brothers and sisters,even dc1s friends don't want to play with him because he hurts them too.

One of the most difficult things is that there is no warning of when he will do this,he doesn't just do it when hes angry and sometimes he will literally just be standing there doing nothing and someone will walk past and he will hit them for no reason.Does anyone know any reasons why he is doing this?His teacher was baffled too,he is such a lovely boy sometimes and very easy going and not hot headed at all,i just dont know where its coming from.

Sorry first line should read 5 children under 6,not as mad as it sounds!

bump

anyone?

How is his communication? I'm wondering if it's not so much jealousy as that he can't negotiate easily with other children, especially not in a group. So that now his baby brother isn't a baby any more but a toddler with toddler-type ideas of his own, your DC2 doesn't know how to deal with conflict or frustration except to hit? Especially since he seems to have had trouble with other children too.

PS sometimes the hitting when someone passes can be a (misguided) attempt at communication or contact; sometimes it's just an impulse, like a physical impulse to swipe out and he isn't mature enough to restrain himself; or sometimes it's frustration that gets taken out on the nearest innocent bystander.

When you say ' being strict doesn't really work' what does that mean. Does he get worse? Simply ignore?
What are the consequences for violence or poor behaviour in your house in general?
I would agree it may be a communication issue.
A lack of understanding of the dynamics of relationships and how to interact with other children can often lead to a child lashing out.

On the subject of friends, I think 1 term in school at this age is insufficient to form proper friendships that will last outside of school. A child they've only known for a few weeks would be fairly quickly forgotten I'm afraid.
Is there somewhere else he could go to try and widen his circle of friends?
Beavers/Cubs or something?

Sensitive, emotional, physical, easily irritated ... Have one the same out of my four. He improved at about 5.5 and is now marvellous. Still has a quick temper but our shins are safe, calm firm rules helped a bit maybe but lots of reinforcement of positives helped most. Well mostly he just out grew it - they do... Pain in the meantime though:(

Kleinzeit,i think you have hit the nail on the head,what can i do to help him?Do you think it sounds like he has some kind of,disorder?

He does also do things that children a lot younger do,things like drawing on walls,ripping things up,im not sure if he does it to get attention or what,he doesnt look mischievous when he does it,he looks like hes in his own little world and he doesnt really know what hes doing.

If he's in his own little world then I agree, that doesn't sound like attention-seeking. I realise I didn't make any suggestions about things to try:

• Do have a consistent mild consequence if he hits people, something that doesn't earn him extra attention for hitting - something like a 5 minute time out
• Maybe get his hearing tested - not being able to pick out particular sounds out can have all sorts of unexpected effects
• Have a look at this book and see if any of the sections are at all like him - he's still a bit young but some of the suggestions might help him get on better with other kids I am not an expert by any means. Kids mature at different rates and like Jonash* says he might grow out of it (or grow into better communication if you see what I mean!) over the next few months. My own DS has a mild autism-spectrum condition which means he has problems getting on with other kids, but he was the opposite to your DS - aged 5 my DS was very sociable and outgoing but he'd just thump any kid who didn't do exactly what he wanted! I am not saying your DS has the same thing at all, just that there are lots of different kinds of communication issues. So if things don't get better it could be worth talking to your GP, they may be able to help.