dangerous behaviour

[calmseeker]

My son gets very excited when he has a friend over to play. He is an only child. I find myself getting so stressed. He does silly things like climb on the window ledge (we live on the first floor) it is not possible for him to open the window from the bottom, but he has been told never to do this. He jumps on sofas and does all manner of silly sometimes dangerous things. I tell him to stop and he does but it is unpleasant and stressful and spoils the day. I have talked to him before and after the event - talking about what sort of behaviour I expect and what he can and cannot do. He is 4 and a half.

My son is 3 1/2 and isn't an only child, he has a sister of 2.
He is exactly the same, sees no danger, does these things regularly as can't understand that it's dangerous.
It's a nightmare as I'm not telling him off for no reason, it's because he will hurt himself :(
I usually take him out to the corridor where he sits for a few minutes to calm down however it doesn't always work.
We have just started a reward chart too which seems to work more some days than others!

I find DS goes a bit wild on playdates too. I try to manage them and hope it will settle down. Also keep playdates short, when he becomes better able to handle it, then you could make them longer again.

DS has a friend coming over today. I planned to take them for a picnic and run around in the park (being silly outside is much less stressful!) but it's been really rainy, so I think instead we will come home, eat lunch, then play some board games and then I will start them off playing in DS' room but with something specific like cars, trains, lego. Then (hopefully!) I can have a cup of tea in peace before his mum comes to collect him at 3.30.

Thanks. Yes I realise it's probably better to keep them short. The problem is the parent often comes too (usually a friend) and up for a catch up.
I am wondering if it is something that I am doing or not doing which is making my child so prone to risk taking and trying to impress other children with his risk taking antics?

Hmm, I think it's normal. This is why I started to move towards drop and run playdates. Coffee dates can happen but they get harder as your child gets older I find.

Do you ever let him carry on doing something mildly perilous until he does actually hurt himself? I feel all of you right there now, poised to ring SS - but if you always intervene to head off trouble, he never gets that chance to learn about consequences and that you're actually telling the truth when you say "don't do X, or Y will happen". I'm not saying let him run into the road or anything, but just to allow him to experience some milder negative consequences sometimes, when the opportunity arises. I must have told DS1 a hundred times not to try and get two cereal bowls out of the cupboard at once, or he would drop them - it took a smashed cereal bowl before he believed me!

He sounds very energetic so try and ensure he gets enough opportunity to burn that energy off, as safely as possible. Lots of running around. We keep an old cot mattress on the sitting room floor for bouncing on on wet days, and are Olympic-standard at indoor tennis - played with a balloon and one of Daddy's slippers each!

Think about what attention you give him, and when - lots of positive attention when he's doing something "good", to try and make sure he doesn't feel the need to try and get your attention by doing something naughty or dangerous. Being told off obviously isn't as nice for kids as being praised, but it's still attention and they'll take it if it's the only kind on offer.

Otherwise, yep, kids are always going to wind each other up. A certain amount of teeth gritting may be required!

He is not doing silly things. He is doing what most children will do until they are taught not to.
Why is telling him to stop unpleasant and stressful?

You getting stressed does not help. Try to stay calm. You need to tell him as many times as you have to to stop dangerous play. You need to physically stop him by removing him from whatever- each time until he learns there is no point in keep doing it.
Yes, it is tiresome, Yes, it is boring. Yes... It's your job.

Yes I have on occasions let him go on with mildly perilous exploits and it has sometimes had the desired effect. Thanks Puntasticusername you have obviously got fairly adventurous and energetic children too. Things like that circular sort of ride where one child often propels the others around and impulsively running from one activity to the other (without checking for the all clear) seem to provide the greatest challenges. Also thinking he can swing from bar to bar on Monkey Bars keeps me on the alert.
Yes I do try to give him plenty of outdoor/ energetic activities however I work 3 days a week and have to leave that to the nursery on working days. They are aware he is a high energy, confident and fairly impulsive child. The mattress idea is something which I could do.

Ah, I can see him now. One of those kids who runs around the playground bouncing off things like a pinball, and what you most want to do is just to put him in one of those sumo suits cos at least then he'll be SAFE. Bless him

How is his diet? Could he be sensitive to any foodstuffs that overstimulate him (I know nothing about all that stuff btw, just trying to think outside the box)?

The mattress thing came about entirely by accident. We bought a new cot mattress for DC2, as you are supposed to do, then realised that because everyone knows you should buy a new mattress for each child, no one wants a second hand cot mattress. I didn't like to just send it to the tip when it still had life in it, and I didn't know anyone who needed to bed down any large dogs or similar, so we hung onto it. And as it turns out, it's been a bit of a godsend!