Any advice please - finding 6 year old very hard work

[Jemster]

My ds is 6 and I feel like I'm losing all control over him and his behaviour. Every day there is some drama. He has the attitude I would expect from a teenager, he is grumpy and rude. It's hard enough at home although he does have his lovely sweet moments. I find his rudeness is worse when we are with other people, it's like he's trying to show them that he can just do what he likes and doesn't have to listen to his mum.
On Friday we went to a friends after school with a few others and they all ran wild. When I tried to get him to stop & calm down he got grumpy and tried to get away from me. He won't look at me either which I hate as find it so rude. I felt so embarrassed in front of the other mums.

Yesterday we had a family party and he was rude and disobedient again so ended up being sent to his room and them bed early. This morning dh had a talk with him and he apologised but this afternoon he's just the same again.
I have a dd who is just 2 and very full on. The two of them argue all the time and one of them is always screaming or shouting at the other. I am pretty tired from working too and just feel like crying at ds's behaviour. Where have we gone wrong and is it too late to get him to respect his parents?! Please help as I'm totally fed up.

Hi Jemster I am having similar issues with ds aged 6. When he gets with his friends he switches off the ability to listen to me at all. I put it down to showing off and trying to be independent but it drives me crazy. He isn't rude but is really pushing boundaries and ignoring rules. I am also having feed back from his teacher that he is not concentrating school. I am at the point of pulling my hair out. Let's hope someone comes up with a miracle redemy for us

Sorry, no miracle remedies. You need love, positive attention, boundaries and consequences. Jemster, you and dh need to agree on a plan of action. Try to spend some one on one time with ds. As much as possible, let him lead what you do during this time - read stories, play Lego, whatever. You can also take him out for a special treat. Try to find things that you can give him positive feedback for - thank you ds for not hitting your sister when she took your toy / wow ds what an interesting picture, I love the way you used the colours / you did a great job with your room, I bet it feels good to have everything in its proper place again / that's a great joke, you really brightened up my day.

Decide what the most unacceptable behaviours are and come up with applicable consequences. E.g. he doesn't react after you have spoken to him twice. (Make sure you look at him when you talk to him). If you're at someone else's house and he is enjoying himself, either leave or making him take timeout in the car. If you're at home, warn him and then remove a privilege for a previously announced period of time.

Have you tried any sort of reward system for good behaviour?

I haven't read it myself but often see people recommending a book called How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk.