Need advice re friends possibly hyperactive/ADHD child

[Fizog]

Hoping for some of the great Mumsnet wisdom to flow my way, here's the situation...

I have a friend who I've not known very long (6months or so) but we have reapidly become really good friends and spend the most part of most weekends together (we are both single mums). We see each other at least once every weekend and often for the most part of both days.

Her child is very boisterous and 'active', not nasty or violent, perhaps sometimes a little heavy handed but child is only 19months or so. Just energetic if you like. She always half jokes that she thinks child might be hyperactive/autistic/ADHD.

I've always brushed it under the carpet and put it down to the fact that child is just 'full of beans' and has short concentration span. My dd is SO SO placid that most children probably look rather more active in comparison and so I feel if she's using dd as a 'norm' then it's probably not a fair comparison

I feel fairly sure that child doesn't exhibit signs of autism (but I only know what I've read on mumsnet).

I guess though lately I find myself wondering if perhaps child may be hyperactive, or something. I don't like to completely dismiss her comments in case I wrongly reassure her but on the other hand I don't want to raise her concerns either - I don't know enough about these disorders either way. I've taken to not really picking up on her comments, just making comments like "oh I don't really know much about ADHD/hyperactivity" but at the same time I think perhaps if she's concerned she ought to talk to a HV or something. I think deep down if it was my child I would be thinking that perhaps there are signs but what should I do? how do I approach the subject? or do I not say anything?

A little bit of me worries that perhaps even if her childs behaviour gets worse as child gets older she won't do anything about it and that might cause problems at school. On the other hand could be completely normal so perhaps I should just not say anything and continue the way I am...

...What should I do, if anything?

should say I'm in teleconf. for bad punctuation etc

I think 19 months is a little young to worry about ADHD, or screen it even. Could be completely wrong.

HOwever its not too young to check out autism. Go to the SN section and look at the thread entitled "early signs of autism". There's a link in that thread to the CHAT test- 19 months is an ideal time to do the test (can be done easily by pretty much anyone) and it acts as a screen. In other words children who fail the test are said to be "at risk" of developing autism. It's a pretty reliable screen for problems.

If concentration etc is a problem then I would recommend fish oils- EyeQ or Efalex would do. 19 months is quite young for them but it won't do any harm (alternatively some formulas contain LCP's). I give my 2 year old Pro Efa (which is similar)

Do you think I should air my concerns? or keep them to myself?

That's a difficult question, we knew a couple who at the time had a 18m old who was very active, didn't stop for a second, no nap during the day, and there were three things that make us thought there was possibly a problem that needed to be checked: No eye contact at all, he didn't learn from experience (he could hit himself 4 times with the corner of a table in one hour and still did not realise there was something there) and second, he didn't recognise danger (he wiould jump from the second floor window or into a huge river if you allow him) and you could see these several times per day.

The parents were always comparing him to the older child saying things like "OH! X is sooo stupid" all the time, or even telling the child all day long how stupid he was. At the end we just asumed the stupids in this story were the parents who didn't realise that their boy needed help, however how do you aproach a parent to tell her her kid may have special needs? how would you react to somebody coming to you with something like that? Our way was just to asume that somebody from the nursery would pick up the problem as soon as he started to attend, but we didn't felt we had enough knowledge or heart to venture an opinion.

I don't feel like the nursery would pick up on it though (she doesn't paint a good picture of nursery).

I'm sure she must be concerned as it come up quite often in conversation, he barely sleeps, hardly eats and never, ever stops!

I would be very careful about airing your concerns. a) you may be wrong or b)you may be right - and if you are they aren't going to get any help for at least another year and a hlaf (more like 5 years if its ADHD), c)they may realise and be talking to other people. When I worried about ds1 I spoke to a couple of people about it, but did not want to talk to all and sundry.

If she mentions concerns to you in a serious way then you could mention the CHAT test (or have a look yourself you can get the answers to most of it just from watching a child). I'm sure people on here could give tips on where ot go for help, but the reality is that if its something like ADHD then the help isn't going to be forthcoming for many years unless the mother (or father) is prepared to fight for it- so the decision needs to be theres.

I think you could recommend fish oils- I think they're good for all kids anyway.

On a seperate note, I take fish oils but have never thought to give them to dd. Is there any reserach on their effects on children?

I think I might just keep schtum, when she brings it up next I'll just say I read somewhere about CHAT and maybe she should search the web.

Thanks for that

yeah but CHAT is only good for autism and communication disorders- not ADHD. Loads of research saying they're good for babies and children. That\s why they put the LCP's in formula now (breast milk is naturally high in them).

yes, and less sugar.

I had a friend who was hyperactive and she said once that she would drive her mother crazy if she ate sweets or anything with excesive sugar (like too much juice), which didn't stop her from stealing the sugar pot from the kitchen and hide under the bed to spoon it in..she also told me at 12 her parents couldn't deal anymore with her so she she ended up in a boarding school specialised in hyperactive kids, but that's another story and after all these years, out of needing to excercise at least 3 hours per day she is perfectly fine.